Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses of Portland, Oregon

Four Lies Jehovah's Witnesses Tell Themselves

2011-03-22T00:41:00.000-07:00

Like it or not, a measure of dishonesty is necessary for maintaining the social system. We all know that young George Washington didn't cut down a cherry tree and that Lincoln's path to the Emancipation Proclamation had less to do with the ideal of racial equality than it did with the pragmatism of reuniting a fractured republic. Men hide their sexual indiscretions from their wives, who themselves would rather not know the truth about their husbands. Dishonesty is so deeply entrenched in the social contract that language philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein downgraded it from a moral failure to a mere “language game.”

The Jehovah's Witnesses are no exception. Here are four lies all Witnesses tell themselves.

“I am loved.”
The Witness catechism brochure What Does God Require of Us says that “the most outstanding mark of true Christians is that they have real love among themselves.”

To be fair, Jehovah's Witnesses do a good job of promoting this value among their members. For instance, racism has been all but eliminated. Their literature points to the humanitarian work they perform in times of disaster and to the preaching work itself as an act of love. But in these areas, they are really no different from many other churches that also do good works. Good and helpful though their work may be, the love Witnesses have is not an “outstanding mark,” superior to that found in other religions. They are merely as good as many other religions.

On a personal level, however, many Witnesses complain of loneliness and isolation. Due to strict moral standards and the expectation to marry only within the religion, thousands of Jehovah's Witnesses remain single and have lost hope that they will find someone just right for them. Others may feel left out because they aren't part of the Pioneers' or Elders' club. Hoping to conjure up feelings of amity by force of sheer will, some will testify at the meetings to the love they have been shown or to the love they feel for the “brotherhood.” But all too often it's a sham, a Hail Mary pass at getting the human affection they crave.

Many Watchtower articles have been published to address this problem, most of which assume that if congregation members don't feel loved, it's their own fault; the Watchtower Society has never acknowledged that its own congregations could be the source of their disappointment.

Thus, out of one side their mouth they praise the Organization for having superlative love, while out of the other side of their mouth, they complain—if only privately—that they feel unloved. While a measure of love can be found in Witness congregations, to claim this as an outstanding characteristic of their religion is to ignore the love that abounds outside their Kingdom Halls.

Then again, any religion that describes the ritualized brutality of disfellowshipping as a “loving arrangement” isn't exactly going for what you could call a platonic ideal.

“I am in the truth.”
Jehovah's Witnesses claim to possess “accurate knowledge” of the Bible—that they alone know the truth—and this belief emboldens them to take their unique beliefs from door to door. The single most important doctrine in their theology is their belief that Jesus Christ became the messianic King of God's Kingdom in 1914—and it provides the basis for all of their interpretation of Bible prophecy. That date is arrived at through a series of scriptures handpicked from the books of Daniel and Revelation and whipped together into a dizzyingly convoluted compote of Bible Math. While Watchtower publications occasionally go over this material, few Witnesses can actually explain this chronology without resorting to cheat sheets such as those found in their book Reasoning from the Scriptures. Convinced though they may be about the doctrine, few really understand it. That isn't knowledge. It's mere belief. Consequently, while Jehovah's Witnesses criticize other churches for inducing their members to credulously believe incomprehensible doctrines, like the Trinity, the fact is that they do the same thing themselves.

In 2010, in order to reconcile the urgency of its belief that 1914 would be a prelude to Armageddon with the fact that that year is quickly fading into history, the Watchtower magazine (once again) revised the meaning of the word “generation” used at Matthew 24:34, this time completely removing its definition from the realm of sound logic and doubling it to actually include two generations whose lives overlap.

It is no coincidence that, as its belief system has lost credibility, the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses has shown less and less tolerance for those who would ask difficult questions. If it were secure in the truth, it would encourage—not fear—questioning and dissent. Instead, they drown out cross-examination with the cry “I am in the truth!” for to stop doing so would result in a crisis of faith from which, they fear, they could not recover.

“I am living a fulfilled life as a Witness.”
For someone youthful and ambitious, there are a few opportunities for personal fulfillment in the Jehovah's Witness world. Their missionary and foreign service programs afford opportunities for world travel. Males can advance into leadership positions. Still, the emphasis is on one paramount work: the public ministry, and all members are expected to make it their top priority. If a member balks at this, or finds that it is not his or her “gift,” it is seen as a spiritual weakness. Thus, having a fulfilling role in the Witnesses is something only a few enjoy. The rest are encouraged to make the best of it and are dissuaded from seeking the challenges and rewards that go along with traditional avenues for personal enrichment, such as education, professional development, entrepreneurship or the arts.

For most people, college is an opportunity to explore their interests and get to know themselves. But Witnesses see it as a threat to their relationship with God. The April 15, 2008 Watchtower says, “What, though, of higher education, received in a college or a university? This is widely viewed as vital to success. Yet, many who pursue such education end up with their minds filled with harmful propaganda. Such education wastes valuable youthful years that could best be used in Jehovah’s service.”

Pursuing fulfillment in any endeavor outside of service to the Watchtower Society is discouraged. In a chapter titled “What Career Should I choose?” the Watchtower publication Young People Ask stated:

‘WHAT shall I do with the rest of my life?’ Sooner or later you confront this challenging question. A confusing array of choices present themselves—medicine, business, art, education, computer science, engineering, the trades. And you may feel like the youth who said: “What I consider to be successful . . . is maintaining the comfort level that you grew up with.” Or like others, you may dream of improving your financial lot in life.

But is there more to success than material gain? Can any secular career bring you real fulfillment?

The chapter goes on to discourage such options, claiming that satisfaction “eludes those who build their lives solely around secular achievement.”

When it comes to relationships, Witnesses fare little better. If they are raised in the religion, they often get married too young, only to realize too late that they made an unwise choice. Fearing censure from the congregation if they divorce, they often remain trapped in a disappointing relationship.

Thus, for many Witnesses, finding real satisfaction in work and life is elusive. Yet, there is no room to say express those feelings openly, for to do so would only further isolate them from a community that would see their lack of fulfillment as spiritual weakness. So they maintain a facade that conceals a life of quiet desperation. They live a sad lie of thwarted dreams and aspirations.

“I think for myself”
Ask any Witness if she is in a cult and she will likely bristle defensively and insist that Witnesses think for themselves. As one Witness commenter said in an online forum: “WE ARE NOT A CULT! We are free willed people just like anyone else.” Methinks she doeth protest too much.

The test for someone's capacity for independent thought comes when he disagrees with established beliefs or deviates from expected norms. But when a member of Jehovah's Witnesses disagrees with something found in the Watchtower magazine, what is the expected course of action? Such questioning is seen, not as the functioning of a healthy, autonomous mind, but as the work of the Devil. Says The Watchtower of February 1, 1996:

Another sly tactic of the Devil is the sowing of doubts in the mind. He is ever alert to see some weakness in faith and exploit it. Any who experience doubts should remember that the one behind such doubts is the one who said to Eve: “Is it really so that God said you must not eat from every tree of the garden?” Once the Tempter had planted doubt in her mind, the next step was to tell her a lie, which she believed. (Genesis 3:1, 4, 5) To avoid having our faith destroyed by doubt as Eve’s was, we need to be vigilant. If some tinge of doubt about Jehovah, his Word, or his organization has begun to linger in your heart, take quick steps to eliminate it before it festers into something that could destroy your faith....

Do not hesitate to ask for help from loving overseers in the congregation. (Acts 20:28; James 5:14, 15; Jude 22) They will help you trace the source of your doubts, which may be due to pride or some wrong thinking.

Has the reading or listening to apostate ideas or worldly philosophy introduced poisonous doubts? … It is of interest that many who have become victims of apostasy got started in the wrong direction by first complaining about how they felt they were being treated in Jehovah’s organization. (Jude 16) Finding fault with beliefs came later. Just as a surgeon acts quickly to cut out gangrene, act quickly to rout out of the mind any tendency to complain, to be dissatisfied with the way things are done in the Christian congregation. (Colossians 3:13, 14) Cut off anything that feeds such doubts.—Mark 9:43.

Stick closely to Jehovah and his organization. Loyally imitate Peter, who resolutely stated: “Lord, whom shall we go away to? You have sayings of everlasting life.” (John 6:52, 60, 66-68) Have a good program of study of Jehovah’s Word so as to keep your faith strong, like a large shield, able “to quench all the wicked one’s burning missiles.” (Ephesians 6:16) Keep active in the Christian ministry, lovingly sharing the Kingdom message with others. Every day, meditate appreciatively on how Jehovah has blessed you. Be thankful that you have a knowledge of the truth. Doing all these things in a good Christian routine will help you to be happy, to endure, and to remain free of doubts.

In other words, Witnesses are told that if they don't agree with The Watchtower, they should do whatever it takes to start agreeing again.

[Independent] thinking is an evidence of pride. And the Bible says: “Pride is before a crash, and a haughty spirit before stumbling.” (Proverbs 16:18) If we get to thinking that we know better than the organization, we should ask ourselves: “Where did we learn Bible truth in the first place? Would we know the way of the truth if it had not been for guidance from the organization? Really, can we get along without the direction of God’s organization?” No, we cannot!—The Watchtower, January 15, 1983

Clearly, thinking for oneself is not highly valued in the Witness community. Nevertheless, Witnesses insist that they do, in fact think for themselves. Objective outsiders easily see it for what it is: Jehovah's Witnesses lie to themselves about their supposed freedom of thought.

Just admit it.
In 1843, Karl Marx described the fall of the French ancien régime as tragic “as long as it believed and had to believe in its own justification.” He saw a parallel between the end of that age and the then-current crisis rippling through Germany, which “only imagines that it believes in itself and demands that the world imagine the same thing. If it believed in its own essence, would it seek refuge in hypocrisy and [the plausible but fallacious arguments of] sophism?” The very same question can be asked of the Jehovah's Witness belief system.

In Alfred Hitchcock's North By Northwest, Roger Thornhill (Cary Grant) contended that “in the world of advertising, there's no such thing as a lie. There's only expedient exaggeration.” That statement doesn't go far enough. The entire world revolves around the polite rituals of mutual deception, and Jehovah's Witnesses are no exception. Unfortunately, their refusal to acknowledge that fact makes them a laughingstock among pharisees, the butt of a self-inflicted, cynical joke.

This isn't to say that the religion of Jehovah's Witnesses will disappear any time soon, imploding under the weight of their falsehoods. Obsolete religions are like uranium: they can have an astonishingly long half-life. Sustained by delusion and falsehood, they are just as toxic.

Check Out My New Blog: A Year of Sundays

2011-02-11T14:51:00.000-08:00

For the first couple of years after I left the Jehovah's Witnesses, my spiritual life was a gradual unpeeling of the layers of belief that kept me in the religion. One day I was shedding my reverence for the governing Body and the next I was realizing that I would one day die. Along the way, I tried a church or two, but my efforts to explore other beliefs were haphazard at best.

Then along came Amanda P. Westmont.

Herself a lifelong church-phobic agnostic (her father is a former Christian Scientist), Amanda was fascinated by my story as an ex-Witness. That, in addition to her own quest, inspired Amanda to go on a church tour. One thing led to another, and we decided to write about our journey. Next thing you know, it became a blog. It's called yearofsundays.com and you really should check it out.

Each Sunday for the next year, Amanda and I will visit a different church. One week it may be a variety of Christianity, while the next it might be Buddhist, Mormon, Muslim, Unitarian or Church of the Subgenius. After our visit, we will write about our experience as if it were a restaurant or movie review. The point isn't to evaluate theology or doctrine—frankly, we couldn't care less about that. We'll be writing about the experience itself.

Since we're both the kind of impious delinquents who get our thrills pissing people off, this blog won't be for the religiously faint of heart. If you're a believer, you might want to slip on a pair of steel toed boots before visiting our page. I admit that I may have issues with religion in general. So accept my apologies in advance for any snark, sarcasm, cynicism or otherwise bitter remarks. Hey, if you were forbidden to masturbate for 30 years, you'd get a little edgy too.

But that's not to say we don't have serious intent.

We write our reviews with one criterion in mind. Regarding humankind's amazing variety of music, Duke Ellington famously said, “if it sounds good, it is good.” That's the benchmark we will use to evaluate every religious services we attend. You're invited to agree, to disagree, or, if you really don't like what we write, to start your own blog. Comments are always accepted and unfiltered. Better yet, if you have a church in mind that we should visit, drop me a line in the comments section here or at A Year of Sundays and we'll try to work it into the schedule.

Just to show you how serious we are, we even wrote a manifesto:

WHY A YEAR OF SUNDAYS?

Because it’s fun.

Because Margarita Monday was already taken.

Because Joel thinks Amanda looks cute in her Sunday Go To Church dress.

Because we think it might be good for the kids.

Because everybody says they’re going to do it but nobody ever does.

Because there are worse ways to nurse a hangover.

Because, for Joel, it feels oddly naughty.

But for Amanda, it feels oddly nice.

Because, though we suspect that God is dead, we still like to hedge our bets.

Because we thought that if we could actually get through 50 posts, we could write a book.

Because sometimes you need a break from sex and happy hour.

Because we made a pact that if we break up, we’ll still write this damn thing.

Because Amanda needs a reason to buy old lady hats.

Because, frankly, we’re a little jealous of the people who believe.

Because Baptists can’t have all the fun, Buddhists can’t have all the peace, Jews can’t have all the guilt, Jehovah’s Witnesses can’t all the apocalypse fantasies and Catholics can’t have all the cute altar boys.

Why I love the Jehovah's Witnesses

2011-01-20T21:10:00.000-08:00

According to unofficial Watchtower historian Russ Kurzen, God chose to put his earthly organization in New York – then the center of the world – to be a light to all nations. Maybe. But I think they stayed for the posh city view.

“I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.” --James Baldwin

It's easy to take a jaundiced look at one's years spent as a Jehovah's Witness – and I often do. But there's also a trunkful of great memories too, and I refuse to give them up, because to do so would entail denying huge swaths of the things that make me me. I'd like to talk about the love I feel for the Organization.

Funny as it may seem, I actually enjoyed going door to door, challenging the beliefs of others – and laying my own convictions on the line. For a while, my territory included the Reed College area, whose hypersmart students – a.k.a. Reedies – kicked my intellectual ass every Saturday morning. Most Witnesses hated working that area, but I loved it. After all, I possessed something unassailable – the Truth (or so I thought). Their relentless debates forced me to take a rigorous approach to my personal Bible study. At first, it made me a better pioneer. Eventually, it made me a halfway decent “apostate.”

Another great memory. Walking into the Tacoma Dome on Friday morning, Day One of the District Convention, and feeling engulfed by the love of 8,000 other like-minded people. Those conventions were a three-day high for me and even though I knew that soon enough I'd return to my endless cycle of whacking the Soprano and guilting myself for it, by the time the Sunday afternoon closing remarks rolled around, I could do nothing but savor the final moments of what seemed to be a spiritual paradise. Yes, I cried during the final song and applauded like a spastic gibbon when it was all over. I know how cult indoctrination retreats work, and maybe I was a victim of that. But the good feelings I experienced then were very real, and I feel no need to tag them with the graffiti of jaded hindsight.

One specific convention memory. Okay, make that two:

1) District Convention, July, 1983. Walking with my stepfather along the perimeter of Oregon State University's Gill Coliseum, headed to our Food Service table and munching a Muff-N-Egg, unwrapping the tin foil as we go along. We'd left the rest of the family behind and it was just us two, missing most of the program, attending the convention as workers. Not avid outdoorsy types, we called these working vacations our “annual fishing trip.”

2) Same place, the following year. Working the Food Service table again, handing a plastic carton of Swiss Miss vanilla pudding to Sandi Everly. After stalking her that day with a pair of binoculars and a pizza-faced chaperon at my side, I see her up close for the first time, framed in a simple blue cotton dress, her blonde hair pulled back into a French braid; a girl from Eastern Oregon whose sky-blue eyes, like heliotropic sunflowers, always seem to seek the horizon. If you and I happen to be in the Mid-Willamette Valley and it's getting to the end of a perfectly clear summer's day and you see me lost in thought, scanning the distant Cascade Mountain Range, no matter how much I love you, you'll know who I'm thinking of.

Like most people raised in the Witness world, I didn't go to college. For me, Bethel service approximated the experience (minus the education). As a young man in New York City, it was my first taste of life away from home. That's where I had my first drunk experience: thanks to (last I heard) missionary Jeff Taylor, I can't tolerate vodka in anything more potent than fancy spaghetti sauce. In the City, you can be poor as I, like most Bethelites, was and still have a rich experience – if you're getting three square meals and have a roof over your head. And let's get real – that roof happened to be in hoity-toity Brooklyn Heights. My room at The Towers hotel had an unobstructed 180-degree view of the East River and Lower Manhattan's financial district. Circuit Overseer Keith Kelley once complained to me that while he and his wife, with their combined 60 years of service, had to live in a travel trailer, punks like me got to live in nob hill luxury.

Hey Keith, guess what? I also lived across the street from Norman fucking Mailer.

The Bossert Hotel, once known as the Waldorf-Astoria of Brooklyn. My room was on the 10th floor, fourth balcony from the left. Lavish, yes, but I called it home for a while.

Memory montage: Getting lost in Manhattan and discovering John & Yoko's Dakota apartments or just lolling around Central Park with friends like Jon Courson, Brian McCristall, Tim Norvell, Dave Schafer (now a "helper to the Governing Body" – GO DAVE (I guess)!), Paulo Flor, Joel Stangeland, Joel Sommers, Joel Sidoti and a bunch of other Bethelites named Joel. Or with blonde-headed Wayne Barber, tiptoeing our way through the projects in Bedford-Stuyvesant while residents jeered at us from the windows, yelling, "You boys are lost in the soup!" Some of these guys are still at Bethel, some are gone, and a few have left the Witnesses altogether.

My crew on the building 3, floor 4 burst binder. That's me on the far left, behind the multiracial gay couple.

As a Bethel tour guide, I got to meet Witnesses from all over the world, most of whom had scrimped and saved in order to make the pilgrimage to Headquarters. As I showed them along the preternaturally shiny factory floors and multimillion-dollar printing presses humming theocratically along, I could see the pride in their faces as they saw what their hard-earned contribution dollars were accomplishing. I felt it was an honor to tour them around then – and I still feel that way. Sure, there's plenty to disagree with in the Watchtower, but who am I to begrudge these people their stake in the only thing that gives their life meaning? That would be like refusing a dying drunk his bottle.

Stella and her daughters Martha and Mary, a.k.a. the Triplets of Brooklynville. I spent every Thursday at their Park Slope house for book study. Their spare bedroom became my base camp for weekends away from Bethel.

When I heard that the Brooklyn properties were going up for sale, my heart broke a little. Charles T. Russell moved the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society up there in 1909. There's a rich legacy of religious history bound up in those old brownstones and grand hotels. It's a shame that they would cash out and walk away from all that. The Society's coffers must really be hurting.* If that's the case, we might be witnessing the decline of a unique 19th century millennialist Bible society. I, for one, hope they don't disappear completely. To tell the truth, I'd miss them.

Of course, there's more to this trip down memory lane than just that. Gradually, things got ugly until it was time to leave the Witnesses behind or die trying. Still, I love the years I spent in the Organization like I loved high school. They were some of the best years of my life and wild horses of the Apocalypse couldn't drag me back.

*Since 2006, hundreds of U.S. Bethelites have been returned to the field.

Last Member of 1914 Generation Speaks Out

2010-08-19T16:08:00.000-07:00

Posted by Joel Gunz.

In opera, it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings, but for Eustacious Barbour, this wicked system ain't over 'til he croaks. For many years, Jehovah's Witnesses taught that Jesus' prophecy regarding the "generation" that saw the beginning of distress -- which they claim began in 1914 -- would also live to see the Great Tribulation, which has yet to occur. Since then, as that group of people has died off, the sect has departed from any dictionary definition of the term and concocted its own meaning of the word "generation." But Mr. Barbour, who clearly remembers the outbreak of World War I, still believes that original teaching. And, as the lone holdout of that generation, he's still waiting.

Born July 12, 1882, Mr. Barbour recently celebrated his 128th birthday. Describing that violation of Jehovah's Witness law in his usual colorful language, he says, "Hell when you get to be my age, you can celebrate any damn thing you want. Shit." Though he only reports 15 minutes of time each month, the old codger remains on the Special Pioneer list.

His memory is as strong as ever. "I met [Watchtower Society founder] Pastor Russell in 1914 while standing at the urinals of the Hotel McKittrick in San Francisco. His sense of urgency in there suggested to me that he either had cystitis or, alternatively, that he had to rush back to his preaching, lest he miss the beginning of Armageddon." As it happened, the itinerant preacher was suffering from a urinary infection. "He wasn't getting along too well with his ex-wife at the time, either," the dozenegarian says with a dusty cackle.*

Mr. Barbour loves to regale younger Witnesses with his memories of Pastor Russell, "Judge" Rutherford and other long-dead members of the religion, and his interviews at Circuit Assemblies and District Conventions are always a hit. But what gets him up and dressed each morning isn't his recollections of times long past, but the future. Because for Eustacious Barbour, the end remains nigh.

---------
* This paragraph has some basis in actual history. As WT President Fred Franz once told an audience at "Bethel Family Night," he met Russell while pissing in the men's room of one of the venues in which Russell was speaking. Franz also observed that Russell was in some discomfort while doing so. (Russell did, in fact, suffer from cystitis.)

An Early Example of the Christian Side Hug

2010-08-09T15:18:00.000-07:00

Posted by Joel Gunz

According to an article in Wikipedia, the Christian side hug was first identified in a 2009 song by Christian rap artist Ryan Penn. Says the article, "it is a greeting where one hangs their arm over the shoulder of the person beside them, minimizing the chance of inadvertent sexual contact."

But the above illustration, which appeared in the 1978 Watchtower publication Your Youth -- Getting the Best Out of It 31 (thus 31 years earlier), clearly shows that Jehovah's Witnesses were on the forefront of matters pertaining to chastity and sexual abstinence. While not a hug, technically speaking, the picture does demonstrate side-by-side physical contact through a layer of thick clothing that prevents any chance of "inadvertent sexual contact."

(Special thanks to Facebook friend and Ex-Jehovah's Witness of Toronto, Ontario, Tall Penguin, for alerting my to this page.)

Watchtower Society Unveils "New Light" Generator.

2010-07-29T14:25:00.000-07:00

[This is a parody. With exception of the use of certain names of dead entities and people, this fake news piece is entirely a work of fiction.]

Governing Body member Gerrit Lösch tests the MEPS 3000's frappé button.

Posted by Joel Gunz.

BROOKLYN, NEW YORK-- End times forecasting company Watchtower, Bible and Tract Society of New York, Pennsylvania and East Berlin (NYSE WBTS) has unveiled its MEPS 3000 New Light Generator, the first computing system specially designed to determine the "times and seasons" of Bible prophecy.

"As Jesus Christ's personal faithful and discreet slave, we feel we owe our followers, known as sheep, up-to-the-minute information regarding changes in God's own truth," says J. R. Beige, Watchtower spokesman. "As you can no no doubt tell from watching the evening news, this old system of things is a lot more complicated than even our Governing Body can understand. MEPS 3000 does all that heavy lifting for us, allowing us to 'make sure of the more important things,' namely, preaching to worldly people and randomly shunning fellow believers."

According to the Watchtower's press release, MEPS 3000 features a full array of floppy disk read/write equipment, the Watchtower Library on CD-ROM and an online subscription to both the New York Post and Vatican newspaper L'Osservatore Romano. It can also simultaneously typeset The Watchtower into 2,117 languages, including Urdu, Semaphore and Dance of the Honeybees.

Representing state-of-the-art technology in the field of Bible prophecy interpretation, the new computing system aims to avoid the miscalculations that can result from human error. "Look, we're not admitting that mistakes were ever made," says Mr. Beige. "But from the meaning of the word 'generation' to the calculus involved in buttressing the argument that we were right about 1914, it's obvious that God's ways are definitely higher than our ways. Seriously, the word generation can mean anything you want it to mean. Look it up."

MEPS 3000 is the culmination of thousands of hours of research and development from a crack team of experts. Says Mr. Beige, "We had to move nine brothers in from the bindery alone, just to write the algorithm for Daniel 12:12." According to Mr. Beige, the team's lack of a college education -- the most educated member the group had earned an Associate's Degree in Dental Hygiene -- was no obstacle to its success. "What's more important is that they had the spiritual qualifications," he said.

The Watchtower Society will explain the computing system next year at its 2011 series of district conventions by means of a pre-recorded, full costume drama based on the story of Moses at Mt. Sinai. According to sources who remain anonymous on the grounds that everything that comes from the Society is anonymous, Moses will be voiced by some Jewish guy from Brooklyn, while former Governing Body member Dan Sydlick will return from his heavenly reward to play the role of Jehovah.

MEPS 3000 will also assist the Writing Department with other routine duties, such as developing strategies to make Jehovah's Witnesses feel guilty for not doing more in the ministry (while at the same time avoiding coming off as an actual guilt trip). The above anonymous source has also revealed that MEPS 3000's Youth 2.0 software can even compose entire articles. Using advanced Mad Lib software, it can compose a 750-word article in under 12 minutes. Its debut feature? "Young People Ask: Are Women in Prison Videos for Me?"

More Thoughts on Sex and Shame

2010-07-09T02:09:00.000-07:00

Posted by Joel Gunz

With only slight exaggeration, Jehovah's Witnesses believe that pretty much all sex outside of the missionary position with one's heterosexual marriage mate is morally questionable, if not “gross sin.” With so many do's, dont's and suggestions (which aren't suggestions at all) in the way, the delirious, sloppy, ecstasy of sex is smothered under a wet blanket of shame.

Psychologically speaking, it's a return to the days of the whale-bone corset, minus the Victorian kinkiness.

Of course, Witness shame isn't limited to what happens in the bedroom, on the kitchen table or while driving a tractor. Members are made to feel inadequate and ashamed for not going out in service enough, for missing meetings, or for not studying their literature thoroughly. I knew people who hated giving talks and routinely “fell ill” on the night their assignment was due because resigning from the Theocratic Ministry School was not an option. Then there's the shame of success: among Witnesses it's considered poor taste to celebrate a job promotion or a raise in salary. If someone bucks the Governing Body's suggestions and enrolls in a university liberal arts program, it's best not to bring the matter up in large groups at all. Even the celebration of advancement and extra “privileges” in the congregation are best tempered by self-deprecating expressions of humility. Dismissing Jesus' parable of the Prodigal Son, congregations are strictly ordered not to clap when a disfellowshipped person's reinstatement is announced. It seems that shame has replaced joy as fruitage of the spirit.

But I digress. Let's get back to talking about sex, mmm?

Shame regarding our sex life can persist long after we've left The Organization. (See last week's post.)I've talked with several people who expressed fears about attending their first Meetup group for ex-Jehovah's Witnesses. They might have shown up at the cafe, but didn't go inside. Sometimes it was because they were gay or lesbian or simply enjoying hetero sex outside of marriage and they feared that they would be rejected or judged by the group. Sexual stigmas can be hard to shake.

If you identify with these feelings, I'd like to put your fears to rest. I've found the the ex-Witness community to be very kind and open to people of all backgrounds and lifestyles. Just about every ex-Jehovah's Witness I've met really lives by the principles of love and compassion. Having had enough of judgmentalism, they are amazingly open-hearted. So if you've hesitated before, you are warmly invited to come on in and see that the water's fine.

On the other hand, people sometimes do need help with sex-related issues. I personally don't believe you can become addicted to sex any more than you can become addicted to food. But problems do arise from time to time. Unhealthy sexual patterns can be exacerbated by overly controlling religious traditions. I've had to do some work in this area myself. By distancing myself from Witness dogma and getting the support I needed, I'm happy to say that I'm light-years away from where I was as a Jehovah's Witness. You don't have to be stuck in a repetitive loop, and there are more resources than ever that can help you enjoy your sexuality free from shame.

Resources for those with sexual struggles.

Psychotherapeutic counseling can be enormously helpful, but finding the right therapist can be a challenge, particularly if you're still trying to figure out how to integrate your sexuality with your spiritual values. If you live in the Portland-Vancouver area, you can do no better than to work with Steven Donaldson, M.A. He is a leading authority on sexual issues, particularly for men. For starters, you might want to check out the insightful series of articles on his website, where you can also contact him.

Donaldson is a partner at Mosaic Counseling, whose therapists work under his and Leasia Becker-Cleary's supervision. There is a variety of men and women counselors to choose from, and they offer a sliding scale based on income.

12-Step groups can be another resource. Although I feel that they ultimately don't lead to a flourishing sex life, they do provide support and community as people deal with their struggles. Plus, there is no charge and, as Tom Peterson says, free is a very good price. There are several programs to choose from:

Sexaholics Anonymous teaches that sobriety consists of no masturbation and that one can only have sex with one’s heterosexual mate. To find a meeting near you, visit www.sa.org.
Sex Addicts Anonymous and Sexual Compulsives Anonymous maintain that anyone can write his or her own bottom-line definition of sexual sobriety, straight, gay or solo. Visit their websites at www.saa.org and www.sca-recovery.org.
As its name implies, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous can help, not only those with a compulsive need for sex, but those who are chronically preoccupied with romance, intrigue, or fantasy. Find them here: www.slaafws.org.

Finally, while they don't necessarily offer recovery services and the family-oriented nature of these groups would probably make it inadvisable to speak frankly at their gatherings, you can still find support by making friends with other ex-Jehovah's Witnesses, such as those found on meetup.com. (To find one in your area, visit the website and do a search for ex-Jehovah's Witnesses in your city or state. If you're in the Portland area, go here.)

While in the congregation we were taught to show love and compassion for ALL people. Almost all of the ex-Witnesses I know have really tried to integrate those principles into their life. If you need someone to talk to, or you just need a friend, get in touch!

The Governing Body — Coming to a Bedroom Near You

2010-07-02T17:28:00.000-07:00

Posted by Joel Gunz

When I served at Brooklyn Bethel back in the 1980s, Governing Body member George Gangas would frequently bemoan those who would “forfeit their hope of everlasting life for just 10 minutes of sexual pleasure.” He seemed to be mystified that anyone could make such a choice. And, perhaps, for that 90-year-old bachelor, it was a mystery. Still, in view of the fact that each year scores of thousands of Jehovah’s Witnesses are disfellowshipped, mostly for sexual “misconduct,” Gangas’ complaints raise an interesting question.

Is there a connection between one's efforts to sincerely adhere to Witness standards, while also struggling with sexual issues or compulsions? Unless someone is hurt or victimized, I personally don't like to attach moral values to sex. But when members of a church "sign on" to a certain moral code and then violate it -- risking, if only in their minds, their spiritual well-being -- I, like Brother Gangas, have to ask, "Why?"

I've got a few ideas here. They're works in progress and I'd be interested in hearing your feedback.

An estimated 60,000 Jehovah's Witnesses are disfellowshipped each year, most frequently for “sexual immorality.” In addition, many thousands more, (I'd guess, easily another 60,000) are given private or public reproof, usually for the same reason. Finally, there are untold thousands of others whose "immoral" sexual activities are never brought to light.

Like other fundamentalists, Jehovah's Witnesses are a randy bunch of Christians. As Barbara Anderson’s research shows, sometimes it veers into the realm of crime.

Many conservative or controlling Christian religious traditions grapple with their share of sex-related problems. Think of the scandals involving conservative Christian politicians and religious leaders whose sexual compulsivity has jeopardized their careers. 12-Step groups that treat sex addiction are reportedly filled with white conservative Christian males.

Unless Jehovah’s Witnesses really are under some kind of umbrella of protection from Jehovah (and the disfellowshipping statistics don’t indicate it), I’d put non-Watchtower-approved sexual activity roughly on par with that of other conservative churches. And how are they doing?

Given most churches' emphasis on chastity and restraint, one would assume that porn use among Christians of various denominations would be significantly lower than that of non-believers. Curiously, the facts reveal just the opposite. A study published in the Journal of Economic Perspectives, January, 2009, indicates that online porn subscriptions are actually “slightly more prevalent in states that have enacted conservative legislation on sexuality.”

The study goes on to say:

“[Online porn] subscriptions are also more prevalent in states where surveys indicate conservative positions on religion, gender roles, and sexuality. In states where more people agree that “Even today miracles are performed by the power of God” and “I never doubt the existence of God,” there are more subscriptions to this service. Subscriptions are also more prevalent in states where more people agree that “I have old-fashioned values about family and marriage” and “AIDS might be God’s punishment for immoral sexual behavior.”

For most Witnesses, breaking the “faithful slave’s” rules about even “lesser” sins, such as use of pornography, brings on tremendous feelings of guilt — whether they confess it or not — along with the belief that they will lose God’s approval. Yet they do it anyway. Why? While the sex drive is powerful, I think there are other factors inherent in the Witness system that actually promote the kinds of behavior they try to discourage.

Morality

Let’s take a look at the Organization’s zero-tolerance attitude regarding morality. The Governing Body considers almost all sex behavior to be subject to judicial inquiry. Did you know that, for several years, oral sex within marriage was considered “porneia” and thus grounds for disfellowshipping and divorce? Many found that directive hard to swallow. (Rim shot!) Thankfully, in 1983 “new light” reversed their position on that. But still, that’s the degree to which those men feel authorized to scrutinize congregation members’ private lives.

On the face of it, that authority shouldn’t be a problem. The Bible’s guidelines are clear, and they do stress self-control (if that's your thing). What’s lacking from Jehovah’s Witnesses are other Bible-based principles that ought to come into play, such as respect for their fellows’ privacy, dignity and personal spiritual life. It’s an atmosphere in which an 15-year-old kid can get kicked to the curb for hanging out too long in the hot tub with his girlfriend and slipping into “10 minutes of pleasure.” I don’t think the apostle Paul had those kinds of situations in mind when he wrote about ‘removing the wicked man from among yourselves.’ — 1 Corinthians 5:13.

At their meetings, when the elders aren’t pitching Generation 7.0, cajoling the publishers to go out in service more or discouraging them from getting a decent education, they’re telling members not to think about sex. And that makes about as much sense as telling a roomful of third-graders not to think about purple dinosaurs.

Those who try — and ultimately fail — to comply with those rigorous expectations carry an enormous burden of shame.

Shame

Watchtower leadership uses shame as a powerful tool to keep members compliant with their authority. The humiliation of public reproof and disfellowshipping is so intense that people will do almost anything to avoid those eventualities, even if it means lying. Numerous elders can share a story about some young sister who miraculously conceived a child while still a virgin.

But the shame cycle begins long before a brother or sister commits some form of “gross wrongdoing.” One of the goofier rites of passage a young Witness brother must endure is the dreaded Theocratic Ministry School talk condemning masturbation. As the saying goes, any 17-year-old male who says that he doesn’t, er, Pat his Robertson is either dysfunctional or lying. True, it isn’t necessarily a judicial offense (though it can be if someone turns you in for defending the healthy, normal practice as, well, healthy and normal). Still, Watchtower literature describes masturbation as “degraded,” “unclean” and “childish.” Thus, it’s fairly safe to say that every time a young man is called up on stage to “scripturally” condemn this practice, a new hypocrite is made. While he and his friends may laugh about it at the time, giving such a talk to a mixed-gender crowd of all ages is mortifying and is often his first big taste of what it’s like to live in a shame-based religious system.

When it comes to that which the Governing Body deems “works of the flesh,” Witnesses are left with three choices.

You can do it and confess. Of course, that means you’d also be choosing to undergo an inquisition-style grilling from a judicial committee that could lead to disfellowshipping.

Even if you aren't shunned, private reproof has a bitter downside. When a publisher is suddenly not commenting at meetings and a “needs of the congregation” talk is delivered explicitly discussing, let's say, adultery, it isn’t hard for congregation members to put two and two together – and if they can’t, the rumor mill will.

On the other hand, you can choose to have whatever sex you want and not tell anyone. Of course, you’ll have to carry the double guilt of sinning and covering it over with a lie, the outcome of which is the psychologically split, unsustainable position of leading a double life.

Finally, you can remain celibate and have a clean conscience. In that case, you’d be trying to repress one of the most powerful forces in nature. The pain and conflict of such a choice is difficult for most to bear. Men and women who profess celibacy get kind of weird. Yes, Writing Department member Jon Wischuk, I’m talking to you.

In my observation, many non-married – and some married – Witnesses (men, anyway) go ahead and live some sort of double life in which they live an active sexual life, but don’t tell. This means they’re having sex, either straight or gay; they’re seeking out trysts; they’re visiting prostitutes; etc. Most likely, they’re looking at porn — and that may be the best choice. After all, it’s quickly obtained, easily hidden and is less sinful than fornication. Viewed in that light, porn could be saving the lives of thousands of Witness men. I’m only half joking here. After all, where would they turn to if they didn’t have it?

In any case, whether they sin and tell or just keep the sin to themselves, many, many Witnesses have been saddled with an enormous load of guilt and shame.

The shame-anger cycle

Although Witnesses seem good-natured to those on the outside, most of us who have left them can testify to the anger and hostility that permeates the Organization. It usually isn't overtly expressed in raised voices or violence, but every time a Witness graphically describes a yearning for Armageddon's mass genocide, speaks contemptuously of "worldly people," or snubs a disfellowshipped person, he or she is betraying a deep well of hostility.

Most psychologists would agree that anger, in itself, is neither good nor bad. The Bible concurs. (“Be wrathful, but do not sin.”) But, in practice in the Witness community, anger is an unacceptable emotion, with anger against the Organization or Jehovah himself being completely forbidden. As ex-Jehovah's Witnesses, we probably know just how angry we are at our old religion. The reality is, most Jehovah's Witnesses are pissed off at the Watchtower Society for its many failings, but are stuck with no one to talk to and nowhere to turn. These feelings can find a home in our libido. As psychologist Steven Donaldson has written,

“Just beneath the [sexually] addicted man’s conscious awareness lies a broiling pool of all-consuming rage.... He may not be all that aware of the anger or the object to which it ought to be directed — but that doesn’t make it any less real or present. The anger he is aware of may feel illegitimate, so he may attempt to repress it. Put simply, the sexually addicted man is literally phobic of his angry feelings, yet there they are, constantly demanding to be felt, to be vented.”

Excuse my language, but that's why they call it fucking.

But for a Witness, such choices usually end up in feelings of shame. Donaldson continues, “Sexual acting out provides both a discharge of the anger (“I deserve this pleasure!”) and punishment for what he feels are illegitimate wishes and longings (“I really am a screw-up!”). The acting out makes him feel shameful. The shame in turn allows him to continue to be compliant with people and systems that unconsciously he hates.”

Sex is the ultimate act of self-acknowledgement. When a religion religion centers its life around the abnegation of self, is it any wonder that people turn to sex for relief? Afterward, however, shame may set in, causing the Witness to redouble his or her efforts to “squeeze in through the narrow door,” complying with Watchtower standards – which s/he actually hates, leafing once again, to the seeking of escape through sex. Thus the cycle takes root. As Donaldson concludes, “This cycle of compliance, repression, acting out and becoming shameful — followed by more compliance — becomes endless and exhausting. Thus trapped, how could hopelessness and depression not set in?”

That explains why the most vociferous moralists in the congregation are the ones most likely leading a double life. They themselves are stuck in this cycle.

Obviously, not everyone who feels angry toward his or her religion acts it out sexually, but many do, and this anger-shame cycle is often the form it takes.

Secrecy, exclusivity and isolation

I believe the Witnesses’ culture of secrecy is directly connected to the prevalence of illicit sexual behavior in their community. When you stop and think about it, Jehovah’s Witnesses are so secretive, conspiracy nuts could be forgiven for comparing them to the Masons. (I don't share that opinion, myself, but others do.) From the moment a newcomer is handed a special “study edition” of the Watchtower and asked to return it after the meeting, to the special “secret” books used by pioneers, elders, Bethelites and branch committee and Governing Body members, Witnesses are made to feel both included in one group, yet excluded from another seemingly more important one.

And then there are the various meetings, such as elders’ meetings, judicial committee meetings, meetings for traveling overseers and Branch Committee members, Pioneer School, Kingdom Ministry school, Ministerial Training School and the famed, hush-hush Governing Body meeting, all of which are strictly closed-door and considered confidential.

Never mind that the content of these books and meetings is usually innocuous. It’s the sense of being initiated — but only to a limited degree — that matters.

Witness culture is a series of circles within circles, a world in which members feel simultaneously “in,” yet “out.” Put another way, it’s a pyramid scheme, with the Governing Body's all-seeing eye at the top.

And it doesn’t stop there.

It isn’t enough to simply be a member of Jehovah’s Witnesses and put in your service time. Oh no. Men are expected to “reach out” for oversight privileges and women are expected to pioneer. If you are not doing those things, you haven’t made it to the next inner circle and you are viewed as less spiritual than those who have. While some make efforts to include others in their social life, pioneers tend to stick with pioneers, elders with elders, Bethelites with Bethelites and so on. That exclusivity devalues and isolates those who come to Kingdom Halls seeking spiritual community.

Most people engage in spiritual fellowship so they can belong somewhere. The need is especially strong for Jehovah’s Witnesses, who sacrifice their ties to all non-Witness family and friends when they join. But what happens after that? Once they’re in the congregation, the organization then pushes them away, leaving members with feelings of alienation and a sense that, in spite of their best efforts, they still do not quite fit in.

And that relates to sex problems, how? Proverbs 18:1 is sometimes cited in order to condemn masturbation: "The one isolating himself will seek his own selfish longing." But what happens when a religious system isolates its own members?

As humans, we all crave a sense of belonging — without circumscriptions and head games. One way or another, we will find it. No wonder, then, that frustrated by the disconnect and exclusionism found in Witness congregations, some will seek connection by other means. That’s the human will for you.

Even such transitory pleasures as porn or a one-night stand validate the humanity of their participants. It makes them feel whole – if only for a moment. I’m reminded of Gerald, in D. H. Lawrence’s Women in Love who, while mourning his deceased father, crept into his lover Gudrun’s bedroom and “into her he poured all his pent-up darkness and corrosive death, and he was whole again.” The Witnesses’ secretive, exclusionary culture creates a yawning void, made all the more painful because it represents a failure to live up to the promise of true brotherhood, rendering members desperate for a real connection, no matter how fleeting.

Note the feelings of many sex addicts, as described in Sexaholic Anonymous literature:

“Many of us felt inadequate, unworthy, alone, and afraid. Our insides never matched what we saw on the outsides of others.... We came to feel disconnected—from parents, from peers, from ourselves.”

— From “The Problem,” published by Sexaholics Anonymous.

Pretty much sums up Witness life to me.

If someone is already prone to such feelings, association with Jehovah’s Witnesses will only make it worse. How profoundly sad. For all the faults inherent in the Witness culture, its secretiveness might be the worst. It subverts the very idea of brotherhood, twisting it into an Orwellian nightmare that says, in effect, “Yes, we have Christian ‘oneness,’ but some of us are more ‘one’ than others.” Their secretiveness is a betrayal of trust, and it proves false their promise that to join the Witnesses is to enter a spiritual paradise.

Throw in the guilt and shame of failing to live up the Watchtower doctrine's impossible standards, and it’s no surprise that many Witnesses feel dissatisfied, though they can’t quite put their finger on why. They feel betrayed, but they can’t point to their enemy. They feel angry, but they don’t know who to punch. The fact is, they hate the system itself. But they could never admit such a thing — not even to themselves. That would be apostasy. So they sublimate their hatred, disowning it.

Still, split off though it may be, their resentment at getting cheated in a spiritual bargain demands to be expressed, even if it means reaching for a token substitute for that which they hoped would make them whole. Sometimes they express their rage through sex.

Good bye, Ray Franz, 1922- 2010

2010-06-04T10:36:00.000-07:00

Posted by Joel Gunz

Former Governing Body member Ray Franz's death yesterday marks, for me, the passing of an old guard of Jehovah's Witness leadership. It has been observed that, before his ouster, he, along with Dan Sydlik and Lyman Swingle could be counted on to bring a moderating voice to that group's decision-making process. Once upon a time, you could hold your own opinions about its teachings and remain a member of the congregation in good standing. To be sure, you couldn't actively promote your own ideas – that would be asking too much – but it wasn't the cardinal sin it is now to have them. That freedom was due in no small part to Brother Franz's influence (and he was a brother if there ever was one).

The capacity to think for yourself was once a valued quality; his was rewarded with a promotion to the Governing Body. In the wake of Nathan Knorr's grey flannel suit corporatizing of the Organization, he, along with his uncle Fred and others, celebrated the uniqueness of the individual. If at times he may have seemed too liberal, it was only to counterbalance other more conservative voices.

His dismissal from Bethel and subsequent disfellowshipping in 1981 changed all that. Search the Watchtower Index and you'll find that warnings against apostasy increased exponentially after that year. It's no exaggeration to say that the suppression of freedom of speech among the Witnesses now resembles that of the Communist-era Soviet Union. It would probably make even George Orwell do a spit-take. His demonization serves as a warning to any member who would speak up on behalf of the human spirit.

Ray wasn't the first Governing Body member to leave under inauspicious circumstances, but he was the first to talk about how that hyper-secretive clique operates. Not surprisingly, he was hated for it. His exit from the Organization attracted more gossip and resentment from the headquarters staff than anyone's since the rift that occurred when “Judge” Rutherford took control of the Society following Charles T. Russell's death. I recall being present at a Witness gathering where Writing Department old timer Harry Peloyan regaled an awestruck group with his version of the events leading up to the apostate housecleaning at Bethel. We listened with the rapt attention of a boy scout troop telling ghost stories around the campfire.

When I served at Brooklyn Bethel in the mid-1980s, there was still a cloud in the air from the witch hunt his ouster had provoked. Rumors abounded regarding his supposedly subversive activities. He was the poster child for the bad seed of apostasy. Still, he kept talking – and writing. I suspect that the rigors of missionary service in his early years toughened him to be able to take such a stand later on.

In 2003 or so, I found myself outside the Organization and decided to catch up on some reading. Even though my faith in the Witnesses had been shattered, ordering his book Crisis of Conscience still felt naughty, as if I were sneaking a peek at a Playboy magazine in the garage. Of course, it was an eye-opener. Reading his description of how the Governing Body actually works both dismayed me and rang true. Contrary to what I'd been taught, Ray wasn't a crank with an axe to grind. He was simply a man with a story to tell. His writings manifest the restraint, objectivity and careful wording of a man anticipating brutal cross-examination.

At its center, Crisis of Conscience is the cri de coeur of a man betrayed by an organization that he never ceased to love. Sensing that his time in this life was short (he was 80 years old when the book came out), here's what he said in its introduction:

“What this book contains is written out of a sense of obligation to people whom I sincerely love. In all good conscience I can say that its aim is to help and not to hurt. If some of what is presented is painful to read, it was also painful to write. It is hoped that the reader will recognize that the search for truth need never be destructive of faith, that every effort to know and uphold truth will, instead, strengthen the basis for true faith.”

In his way, Ray did more to help Jehovah's Witnesses than, perhaps, anyone. By resolutely sticking to his principles and sharing his experience, he has provided Jehovah's Witnesses and anyone considering joining – or leaving – them an authoritative alternative perspective on a religion that allows no room for second opinions. Thanks to him, many (myself included) have finally gotten straight answers to questions that bothered them for years. While the Witnesses may claim to be “in the truth,” it was Ray's mission to urge them to actively pursue it. By keeping his integrity and fearlessly standing up for the truth, he was a witness among Witnesses. I'm thankful for his courage to speak honestly, from a heart filled with love. He has inspired me to try to do the same.

I never met Ray. I wish I had. For me, his death finalizes that missed opportunity and is a reminder to create such opportunities while I still can.

R.I.P., Brother Franz.

Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word

2010-05-13T18:33:00.000-07:00

Posted by Joel Gunz

The foreword to the New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures makes a humble admission, saying:

“It is a very responsible thing to translate the Holy Scriptures from their original languages of Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek into modern speech.… The translators of this work, who fear and love the Divine Author of the Holy Scriptures, feel toward Him a special responsibility to transmit his thoughts and declarations as accurately as possible. They also feel a responsibility toward the searching readers who depend upon a translation of the inspired Word of the Most High God for their everlasting salvation.”

That last bit about feeling responsibility to their readers is unusual, if not unique, in Watchtower literature. I like it. I only wish it was true.

Throughout my life as a Jehovah's Witness, I never expected perfection from the Governing Body. For me, their claims to be both spirit-directed and imperfect were never contradictory. As the saying goes, everyone has a right to be wrong – and that goes for the leadership of the Watchtower Society, too.

When, over the years, they revised their doctrine regarding the 'generation of anointed ones in the last days,' it never bothered me that they'd (previously) gotten the idea wrong. I still believe that, to the best of their ability, they are trying hard to discern God's will. (We may have differing views on the nature of God and of Will, but no matter.)

Nevertheless, if they feel “a responsibility toward the searching readers” who study their Bible, shouldn't they also feel responsible to them when they misinterpret those scriptures, leading to errors of judgment that later have to be revised?

For instance, for a few years it was a disfellowshipping offense to accept an organ transplant. After that position was reversed, didn't the Society owe an apology to those whose lives were horribly disrupted because they either (a) obeyed the rule and lost precious years of their life or (b) disobeyed and were punished by the congregation? The same can be said for the Society's shifting policies regarding the use of blood and of sex practices in the marriage. Thousands of people have been traumatized over rules that were later reversed.

Maybe the biggest mistake the Society has made has been regarding its repeated misinterpretation of the words attributed to Jesus regarding “this generation.” Entire generations (plural!) of Witnesses have hung their hopes and planned their lives on the idea that the end of this system will unquestionably come in their lifetime. Like most Witnesses my age, I fully believed that I would never die (assuming I could keep those non-Watchtower-approved thoughts out of my head).

The Governing Body was wrong, and they've since recalibrated their understanding of Jesus' prophecy. And what do those whose lives were deeply affected by their misunderstanding of the Bible get? A sales pitch about the beauty of refined, more "accurate" knowledge, no grumbling allowed.

If I, as a father, had taken my family on a road trip and made a wrong turn that got us late to our destination, I would understand my family's disappointment. I hope that I would admit my mistake and apologize for the inconvenience.

But that isn't the Watchtower Society's way.

My oldest sister was told that the end would come before she graduated from high school. That deadline came and went in 1979. I was told that if I confessed my sins, “seasons of refreshing” would rain down upon me. Instead, I was stigmatized for what, in retrospect, was simply an admission to being human. I was convinced that I was a member of a loving brotherhood, but came to see that, aside from a few good friends and friendly acquaintances, that love was not directed at me as a person, but at my performance as a Witness. It turned out that my value as an individual was barely worth the postage stamp it took to send my disfellowshipping report to Brooklyn.

I forgive all of that. I really do. I can even forgive them for the fact that some of their leaders have engaged in child abuse. The way I see it, with hundreds of thousands of elders running around shepherding the flock, there are bound to be a few bad apples. Jehovah's Witnessism is a human institution. If I can still support and participate in government that sends its youth into wars for bogus reasons, I can give the Watchtower Society a pass for its boneheadedness. So it has my forgiveness.

But it does not have my trust.

In 1998, the March 1 Watchtower featured a series of articles about the apologies various churches have issued for crimes they've committed over the centuries, such as the Catholicism's collusion with the Nazi regime. The magazine found fault with those apologies, insinuating that they were made with ulterior motives, alleging, for example, that the Catholic Church “seems more concerned with making peace with the world than with God.” Perhaps.

Still, that would have been a golden opportunity for the Watchtower to cite examples from its own history of contriteness and confession. But it has none to share. Instead, the article lunges straight for the moral high ground, wrapping up its criticisms with an invitation for readers to bring Jehovah's Witnesses into their home to see “who today is really trying to follow God’s Word rather than seeking to preserve a position of influence in the world.” Self-righteousness has always left a bad taste in my mouth. This time it tastes like bile.

The Watchtower and Awake! have numerous articles encouraging members to confess their sins and admit their faults. They make good reading. They extol humility as a Christian requirement. True, dat. However, as a result of such counsel, many Witnesses go through their life baring their secrets to the elders and coping with feelings of worthlessness. Meanwhile, the Governing Body turns a blind eye to its own sins and the hardship it has imposed on its members due to its theological shell games. Those men are just as the ones described at Matthew 23:4: “They bind up heavy loads and put them upon the shoulders of men, but they themselves are not willing to budge them with their finger.” Because the Governing Body says, in effect, “I have not sinned,” its sin remains.

Ex-JWs in PDX now on Facebook!

2010-05-10T10:05:00.000-07:00

Posted by Joel Gunz

Are you looking to connect to other ex-Jehovah's Witnesses in the Portland, Oregon area? You've now got two ways to do so. You can meet in person via our local Meetup group. And now you connect get in touch via Facebook! If you want to get super-fancy, add links and bling to your own blogs and social media. If you haven't joined the party yet, now's the time. (*Cough cough.*)

To add some flare to your blog or website and promote the Meetup and Facebook sites, you can paste some html code into your site. Email me and I'll send you the code.

Thanks be to Oliver Gifford for putting all this together and keeping it running. Praise Ollie!

Love, Worldly Style

2010-04-20T20:32:00.000-07:00

Photo courtesy of The Halfway Point.

Posted by Joel Gunz

I was raised to believe that the "world alienated from God," (read: the realm of non-Jehovah's Witnesses) is an ugly, selfish, brutish place. As you might guess, I was in for a surprising -- though not rude -- awakening.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not bitter about this. I received more than my share of love and hospitality from the Witnesses. Once, when vacationing with my family in Italy, we were at the end of our trip and barely had money to get home. Then we missed our flight out of Milan and had to stay an extra night. An elderly Witness brought us into her home, fed us and even offered us money on the way out the door. Except for the fact that we shared the same religion she didn't know us from Adam. I will never forget her guileless open-handedness.

At the same time, however, I can also share stories of betrayal and mean-spiritedness. Both kindness and unkindness can be found among the Witnesses -- just as in the world at large. Which is to say, in my experience, there isn't much difference between Witness culture and "the world."

I can't stress enough how much this realization affected my outlook. In fact, it was love, not any doctrinal issue or "Watchtower scandal," that convinced me that Jehovah's Witnessism is no more special than any other religion. Frankly, I don't care that the Watchtower Society owns a controlling interest in a weapons-manufacturing company or that it once held membership in the United Nations. Heck, if you want to fry up a theocracy, you have to break a few eggs. No, it was love that moved me to reconsider my religion convictions.

After I was disfellowshipped, I tried vigorously to return. For a couple of years, I pursued an intense program of counseling and treatment (along with a near-perfect record of meeting attendance) in an effort to overcome character flaws that I was sure would bar me from gaining everlasting life. While putting 20 or more hours each week into these activities, something strange began to happen. Non-Witnesses that I had occasion to interact with began to appear in a new light. It wasn't that my faith was weakening, because I was still convinced that Jehovah's Witnesses worshiped "the only true God"; rather, those individuals showed me love, unselfconsciously sharing their time and material possessions with me, gladly putting up with my imperfections (not least of which was my smug air of religious superiority) for no benefit to themselves, except to pay forward love that had been shown them. Such experiences happened over and over again. It was overwhelming.

The words attributed to Jesus at Mark 10:29 became more true for me than ever: “Truly I say to YOU men, No one has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or fields for my sake and for the sake of the good news who will not get a hundredfold now in this period of time." (NWT) True, I hadn't left the Witnesses for the "sake of the good news," but I did accept my disfellowshipping as part of God's will for me (as I experienced God at that time), and my life sprouted more "brothers" and "sisters" than I know what to do with.

Maybe even more to the point is Psalm 27:10: "In case my own father and my own mother did leave me, Even Jehovah himself would take me up." (NWT) Even though I'm more of a half-hearted atheist than anything else, the point stands. Everything and everyone I'd ever believed in had suddenly turned away from me. Yet, if I felt alone or unloved in the universe for even a moment, I don't remember it. Some people call that grace. Whatever. That sounds a little too churchy for me, so if you don't mind, I'll just call it love and leave it at that.

Recently, someone I know experienced some financial setbacks and had to obtain donated food from the Oregon Food Bank. The food depot he visited (the OFB calls them pantries) was housed in the Allen Temple in Northeast Portland and operated by a trio of beautiful black women. Church ladies in the best sense of the term. He described it this way: "Their warmth and kindness, along with the dignity they accorded me, was deeply moving. If I'd stuck around long enough, I might have been converted. If I ever reconsider Christianity, I'm going to their church." Sure, they were providing a social service. But they did it with infectious joy.

I'm reminded of the words of the Dalai Lama:

"[Some people] claim that anger and hatred are so much a part of human nature that humanity will always be dominated by them. I do not agree. ... I believe that if ... the human mind had been primarily controlled by anger and hatred, our overall population would have decreased. But today, despite all our wars, we find that the human population is greater than ever. This clearly indicates to me that love and compassion predominate in the world. And this is why unpleasant events are "news"; compassionate activities are so much a part of daily life that they are taken for granted and, therefore, largely ignored."

Once I opened my eyes to it, I found that there is more goodness in the world than I ever imagined. Maybe that's been your experience too. If you're so inclined, drop a line to the comments section and share your experience with your fellow readers.

Apostate? Moi?

2010-04-13T18:46:00.000-07:00

Not all apostates were created equal.

Posted by Joel Gunz

The only way to deal with an unfree world is to become so absolutely free that your very existence is an act of rebellion. — Albert Camus

Ever since I started this blog, my friends have been telling me I’ve gone apostate. As if I were like a bottle of milk that’s gone sour. Which is fine. Only my apostate friends say it, and they’re all a bunch of backsliding degenerates who go to discos, watch R-rated movies and stand for the national anthem. Besides, I think they mean it in a good way. Still, they’ve got me thinking. Really? For reals? Am I an apostate? How did that happen? I certainly didn’t intend to earn the designation.

Something in the name “apostate” rankles. On the face of it, of course, nobody likes to be labeled, whether it’s along the lines of race, gender, social class or whatever. Labeling is just a sophisticated form of name calling and it ultimately dehumanizes the person thus “tagged.” So, there’s that.

But I don’t even think the label applies to me. Or maybe it does and I just don’t want it to. Then I read this Wikipedia article and had to adjust my thinking. The light gets brighter, I guess. Take a look at what I learned:

According to the article, from the Hans Küngs of Catholicism to the Salman Rushdies of Islam, almost nobody who challenges his or her church gladly accepts the label “apostate.” Turns out I am (we are?) not all that special. Among my ex-Jehovah’s Witness friends in Portland, Oregon (thanks for noticing this, dear search engine), we apply the term to each other sardonically, laughing all the way to the dessert buffet at the table of the demons.

The American Heritage Dictionary defines an apostate as one “who has abandoned [his or her] religious faith, political party, principles, or cause.” By that definition, I guess I am an apostate. Then again, it also provides a clue to why I don’t feel like I fit the description. That definition also states that it is an abandonment of “one’s principles.” The Governing Body certainly includes that in its blanket definition, whether the shoe fits or not.*

And it doesn’t fit me at all. To be sure, my beliefs and habits have changed dramatically as I “stood off” from the Witnesses, but my principles have changed very little. For as long as I can remember, I’ve believed that no man has the right to judge another and that the truth is more important than religious affiliation.**

Self-described radical and sociologist Lewis A. Coser expanded on the definition above, saying that an apostate is one “who, even in his new state of belief, is spiritually living not primarily in the content of that faith, in the pursuit of goals appropriate to it, but only in the struggle against the old faith and for the sake of its negation."

The image that Jehovah’s Witnesses have of an angry “evil slave class” of ex-Witnesses shaking their fist at the Organization and “beating their fellow slaves” while offering nothing better aptly fits Coser’s definition. There’s just one little problem. It doesn’t describe me, and it doesn’t describe any of my “apostate” friends. Most of us have moved on to new pursuits and are following our dreams and are living deeply principled lives. At the same time, we also remain critical of certain Watchtower beliefs. Dissent is not necessarily unprincipled; in fact, most people (i.e. most of the rest of the non-Witnesses human race) accept it as a healthy part of a vibrant society. I know that the fist-shakers are out there. I’ve seen them on YouTube. But they make up a small minority of ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses. At least in Portland, Oregon.

Another sociologist, James T. Richardson, maintains that those who defect from “new religious movements,” such as some Mormon sects and Jehovah’s Witnesses, make up their own subset of apostates. According to his research, their stories are often unreliable, because they seek to be perceived as “whistleblowers” intent on exposing the crimes of the church. Sometimes they embellish their story in order to gain attention from anti-cult organizations. Sound familiar?

Hmmm. That’s so... so... old school. Sure, there are a few people like that still around, but my gut says they’re a dying breed. I’m seeing a new school of dissenters who just want to articulate their objections to Watchtower policy and doctrine. Taking a principled stand for justice, they expose the abuses and hypocrisy that are defining characteristics of Witness culture. Others want to tell their story for no other personal gain than the healing that sharing can provide. They also know that by talking about their experiences, they help others to heal too. Numerous blogs, websites, books and at least one magazine take such a principled approach.

Even better, Meetup groups are popping up all over the country, giving ex-Witnesses a landing pad, a feeling of community, a reminder that they are normal and the reassurance that they’re going to be okay. If you haven’t visited one of these meetings, I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at the warmth, openness and camaraderie. Please accept this as an invitation to drop by the Meetup that I attend. It's made up of ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses in Portland, Oregon. Just in case you were wondering.

-----
*Thank god you can’t get disfellowshipped for mixing your metaphors. Or can you? See Leviticus 19:19. It’s probably just a matter of time, folks.

**While preaching, if I got backed into a theological corner, I would say, “In my experience, Jehovah’s Witnesses have the best way of living. If I find something better, I’ll quit.” To be honest, I never thought I’d have to make good on that promise. Then one day, I was chagrined to find that it was time to do just that. Sometimes we receive enlightenment kicking and screaming the whole way.

What am I Supposed to Do with All this Anger?

2010-04-06T23:21:00.000-07:00

Posted by Joel Gunz

Women’s rights activist Gloria Steinem once said, “The truth will set you free. But first, it will piss you off.” No kidding. When we started seeing the truth about Jehovah’s Witnesses, didn’t anger soon follow? Anger at ourselves for having wasted years in a mere religion masquerading as God’s chosen instrument. Anger toward the elders and Governing Body for abusing their power and taking advantage of our better nature.

The society we live in doesn’t place a high value on anger. It isn’t a politically correct emotion. When current Witnesses have anything to say to us, it’s usually a variation on the theme of “get over it.” Truth be told, most of us want more than anything to do just that. So, their advice is silly and ignorant.

What should we do with our anger? I deal with that question all the time in my own life.

I think the first thing to remember is that the same god that invented buttercups, unicorns and joyness also invented volcanoes, hornets and rage.

I don’t now about you, but I love my anger. I enjoy it as much as I enjoy laughter. I feel whole, as if my emotions are just as valid as the next guy’s. I feel alive, part of the human race. On the other hand, pretending I’m not angry when I really am makes me feel small. I feel like a chump.

Just today, I had lunch with a friend who has left the Witnesses. My blood boiled as he described the abuses and hypocrisy that he observed in his congregation. Swear to god, I wanted punch one elder so hard he’d be defecating teeth. Obviously, I’m not going to do that. Still, that man’s behavior was, literally, outrageous — deserving of rage — and, man, did I feel it! It felt good.

I don’t engage in a lot of ranting or criticism of Watchtower Society policy and doctrine on this site, but I do visit other sites and do that very thing. If you follow me on Facebook, you know I don’t hold my feelings back about Jehovah’s Witnessism. It’s a wonderful release. The best part is, I experience healing when I do it. When I express my anger in what I feel are these appropriate ways, I’m unlikely to lash out in inappropriate ways.

On the other hand, I’ve known a few ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses who say they’ve moved past their feelings of rancor, but to be frank, I don’t buy it. More often than not, their disowned or repressed anger leaks out as veiled hostility and passive-aggressiveness. The point is, anger is like poop. It will come out, one way or the other. I say it’s better to admit your anger, stop pretending otherwise and get it out there. It may not be pretty all the time, but I’d rather hang around someone who is honestly angry than someone who is dishonestly nice. And I’m grateful to have friends who let me express my feelings without judgment.

I think it’s very true, what Vietnamese spiritual leader Thich Nhat Hanh says:

“Just like our organs, our anger is part of us. When we are angry, we have to go back to ourselves and take good care of our anger. We cannot say, ‘Go away, anger, I don’t want you.’ When you have a stomachache, you don’t say, ‘I don’t want you stomach, go away.’ No, you take care of it. In the same way, we have to embrace and take good care of our anger.”

Here’s some more of his advice:

“When you get angry with someone, please don’t pretend that you are not angry. Don’t pretend that you don’t suffer. If the other person is dear to you, then you have to confess that you are angry, and that you suffer. Tell him or her in a calm, loving way.”

Being either disfellowshipped or disassociated, most of us can’t ‘confess our anger’ to the congregation. They’ve shunned us and won’t listen. This is a difficult problem. I’d really like to go back to my old judicial committee and tell them about my anger and suffering. But I know they won’t listen. The truth for me is that, in a way, they are, like Hanh says, ‘dear to me.’ That is, even after six or eight years, I still want them to see me as a person, and not just as a moral degenerate or an apostate or whatever label they’ve attached to me that hides my personhood from them.

Some of the ex-Witnesses I know who looked the elders in the eye and told them, basically, to go to hell have had an easier time moving on. But not all of us were able to do that. So I suspect that, for many of us, much of our anger stems from feeling frustrated because the object of our anger — the Witnesses, perhaps certain congregation members — refuses to hear us out, so the conflict remains unresolved.

It’s very important for me to remember that I was wounded as a Witness. It’s as if the Watchtower Society aimed a cannon at my soul and blew away my self-respect and ability to stand on my own in the world. Despite all those years of pioneering, Bethel, etc. etc. etc., after I was disfellowshipped, all I had to show for it was a yawning hole in my psyche. It’s not that bad any more. Thanks to some very good therapy and amazing friends, I’ve been able to heal to a great extent. But I’m not going to pretend that there aren’t still some soft spots.

So there’s still some anger. I’ve found a lot of use for it. For starters, with the help of a good therapist, I’ve gotten to know myself through my anger, examining my wounds and the suffering that resulted from them. That led to compassion and I was able to finally fall in love with myself unconditionally — loving my anger as much as my sadness, joy and other emotions. Once that happened, then I was able to understand the Witnesses better and to feel compassion for their members who are still being abused. I’m able (imperfectly, very imperfectly) to let go of the corrosive kind of anger — resentment — and that’s as good a definition of forgiveness as any. For me, all of this has been a difficult, sometimes frightening path into the unknown and I’ve still got a lot of work to do in this area.

Nevertheless, it’s just like Hanh said:

“In a time of anger or despair, even if we feel overwhelmed, our love is still there. Our capacity to communicate, to forgive, to be compassionate is still there. You have to believe this. We are more than our anger, we are more than our suffering. We must recognize that we do have within us the capacity to love, to understand, to be compassionate, always.”

What I discovered, and I think it’s incredibly good news, is this: I’m still angry at the Witnesses because I still love them. This isn’t just self help mumbo jumbo. I mean it. I miss my old friends. I know lots of Witnesses who would flourish, but may never do so because the Organization has clapped them into a straightjacket of religious subordination. Some of my old friends are knocking themselves out trying to live an authentic life in a system that rewards corporate phoniness. It's infuriating. They deserve better than that.

At the end of the day, you could say that I have a love-hate relationship with the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Which is to say, I still have a relationship with them. It’s not the kind I might want, and that pisses me off. On the other hand, it’s exactly the kind of relationship I’ve asked for, so I’m okay with it. To quote Walt Whitman, “Do I contradict myself? Very well, I contradict myself.” And I’m enjoying every minute of it. (Almost.)

Well, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. If you’re still reading this, thanks for letting me rant. It feels good to get it out.

Mending bridges and fences

2010-04-02T12:13:00.000-07:00

Posted by Joel Gunz

In my March 30th post, I made some suggestions about what to do when the elders come knocking on your door. They came across as a prescription, as if there was a "right" way and a "wrong" way to handle such encounters, and it was as if I was pointing out which was which. Of course, that’s nonsense. With a top of the hat to T. S. Eliot, I have to play my 'that wasn't what I meant at all' card. Of course, no two of our stories are alike, so how we handle various situations will be as unique as we are. My three-step dealybob is just one possible approach among many.

Oh, and one other thing, I guess I let my paper-thin veneer of equanimity slip in that last post. It was my friend Oliver who summed it up this way: “Snarkiest post ever!” Oops! My bad. [Insert the smack of my wrist being slapped.]

But the idea in the post that I’d like to revisit, which I think is worthwhile, is that upon leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses, we often need to set new boundaries in how we relate to other people. The elders are trained to impose on others’ privacy to shocking degree — and we were trained to go along with it. Just like an abused or neglected child that doesn’t know how to set personal boundaries, many of us have had to learn how to draw the line with those who would violate our personhood.

Re-orienting toward a more self-respecting outlook can be difficult. I know it has been for me. While it was a cinch to let many doctrinal beliefs go, changing my thought habits hasn’t been so easy. In the Organization, so much emphasis is placed on maintaining “theocratic order,” without question, that it’s like a never-ending boot camp. Shaking that mindset can be difficult. In my case, that affected my dealings not only with the elders — when I decided to leave the Witnesses behind I wouldn’t have been able to follow my own March 30 advice — but also my relationship with anyone in authority. At work, for instance, I’ve had to learn to disagree and stand my ground with the people to whom I answer.

So, if you’ve left or are leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses, you might want to think ahead about how you might handle the situation when the elders come calling. It’s probably going to entail setting some boundaries that weren’t there before. Some of my Ex-Jehovah’s Witness friends on Facebook suggested a range of approaches, such as answering the door naked, not answering the door at all, answering the door but telling them to get lost and more. Sure, why not? Any one of those could work and some of them sound fun.

I think the key is authenticity.

One person might not be ready for a face-to-face confrontation. For another person, the best therapy in the world might be to read the elders the riot act when they stop by. By the way, there’s nothing wrong with letting your fear hold you back from saying the things you’d like to say. You probably have something very real to be afraid of. It’s also a golden opportunity to gain some self-knowledge. Maybe I’ll finish that thought in another post.

In the meantime, stay in touch. Your comments mean a lot to me and other readers. Also, I’d like to do a plug for the Ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses of Portland, Oregon Meetup group. We’ve got a couple of soirées lined up for April, and it’d be great to see you there.

When the elders come calling

2010-03-30T00:27:00.000-07:00

Posted by Joel Gunz

Once a Jehovah's Witness stops attending meetings, it doesn't take long for the elders and other congregation members to notice.

I recently spoke with a friend who lives in dread that the next time she answers her doorbell, she'll find two elders standing on her porch ready to "encourage" her with a shepherding call. If you've never been a member of Jehovah's Witnesses, this situation can be hard to understand, but such encounters often provoke enormous waves of anxiety for those leaving the Organization. After all, we were programmed to give the elders "double honor" (twice that of even our parents?), deferring to them in even the most mundane matters.

Here, I believe, is where the anxiety kicks into high gear. We were groomed to always tell the elders the full truth, answering even their most prying questions; lying to them is like lying to Jehovah himself. But when you leave the Witnesses you may not want to tell them your full story. It would result in being disfellowshipped for apostasy, a stigma that incurs greater hostility from the Witnesses than mere disfellowshipping for the usual sins of the flesh.

What to do?

First off, when you see the elders in their Men's Wearhouse suits and polyester neckties (not that there's anything wrong with that) at your door, before you say hello, take a deep breath. Sort of like you once did before giving a talk, you might find it helpful to say a short prayer (or mantra or affirmation or knock-knock joke, whatever works) to help you gain the confidence you need. After that, take three steps that were taught to me by my friend Howard Moses: Stop. Tell the truth. Be still.

Stop.
The elders have a very carefully planned approach when making shepherding calls. Before the visit, they usually agree on who will take the lead in the discussion and will plan the scriptures and talking points they will cover. In other words, they have a routine and by dint of their authority it is seldom upset or questioned. This is why it's a good idea to stop and wait for a moment before replying. Just let a couple of beats go by. The break interrupts their flow and gives you chance to collect your thoughts and remain in control of the situation.

Tell the truth.
Tempting as it may be, it would be dishonest to make something up, like "I've been busy" or "I've been sick." That will only encourage them to keep talking or, worse, send there wives over with a casserole. It might also be dishonest to disclose your full reasons for leaving. That could be a betrayal of your self. The truth of the matter might be that you do not want them to know your full reason for avoiding the meetings. If that's the case, i t could be that your most honest exchange might look like this:

Brother Concerned (taking the lead): "We've noticed that you haven't been at the meetings for a while. Is there any way we can help?"

Sister Wantsout: "I'd prefer not to talk about this subject."

Brother Persistent (riding shotgun): "Well, we miss you at the meetings. And you know that it's only there that we can gain the spiritual nourishment we need to resist the spirit of the world. Would it be okay if I were to share a scriptural word of encouragement with you?"

Sister Wantsout: "Thank you for your concern, but, like I said, I will not talk about this matter."

Be still.
If you respond with that kind of declarative brevity, the elders won't know what to do. So then, be still. Let the clock tick. Let your truth have its full effect.

Three things will likely come out of handling their visit in this way: (1) it will throw them off their game, (2) your refusal to play on their terms will take their power away and put you in control, and (3) any anxiety you might have been feeling will get transferred to them. They won't know what to do after that, and will probably excuse themselves and leave. Their conversation in the car will be something like:

Brother Concerned: "What do you make of that, Joe?"

Brother Persistent: "Well, I'm not too sure."

Brother Concerned: "Did you see her husband, Brother Oncewasapioneer, in the background? I think he had a goatee."

Brother Persistent: "No, I missed that. I was too busy noticing her bare midriff."

Brother Concerned: "Yeah, sheesh, how worldly can you get? I think I even saw a tattoo peeking up from the waistline of her shockingly low cut and tight designer jeans. You can't get pants like that at Burlington Coat Factory, or on a housekeeper's salary. "

Brother Persistent: "Want to stop off for a cup of coffee? I feel like giving a food service worker an 8% tip and a tract."

Brother Concerned: "Thanks, but I'll pass. My wife went to bed early and I need to, uh, go online and, er, check my email."

The two elders drive on in silence, each lost in his own thoughts.

Remember this: as much as the very tissues in your body might tell you otherwise, you do not owe the elders any explanations for your absence from the Kingdom Hall. Your life is none of their business. In fact, just the opposite, it's presumptuous of the elders to call or visit expecting to hear you bear your soul to them.

When you made the decision to leave the Witnesses, you began taking your power back from them. In politics, business and personal matters alike, transfers of power create tension. When the elders come calling, someone is going to feel anxious. It doesn't have to be you.

Happy Graduation Day!

2010-03-16T14:50:00.000-07:00

Posted by Joel Gunz

When we were members of Jehovah’s Witnesses, it was emphasized in meetings that we were expected to “press on to maturity” (Hebrews 6;1). The way I see it, if you were to take that counsel at face value, it would inevitably lead you to leave the religion of Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Psychologist Lawrence Kohlberg described the path toward moral maturity as a three-step process, each of which is made up of two smaller steps. I think his way of seeing things applies equally well to our path as spiritual seekers and explains why we were left with no choice but leave Jehovah’s Witnesses behind. I’ve paraphrased his notions here:

Stage One: Preconventional (Early childhood)
Obedience and punishment — How can I avoid punishment?
Having not yet developed their own internal moral compass, small children usually start out here — guided by the threat of external consequences if they misbehave. Time-outs are effective at this stage.

Self-interest — What's in it for me?
Soon enough, children develop a capacity for self interest and learn how to use the reward/punishment system to their advantage. They still have no internalized morality, but they’ve learned how to adjust their behavior in order to reap benefits. During this stage, bribery can work wonders to improve a child’s behavior.

Stage Two: Conventional (Adolescence)
Conformity to social expectations — The good boy/good girl attitude
In this phase the young person accepts society’s conventions regarding right and wrong, and sees the inherent value in upholding them. They learn, for instance, that if they want people to like them, they will not say hurtful things.

Authority and social-order maintaining — Law and order morality
This is the phase in which your children check to make sure you’re driving within the speed limit.

Stage Two-and-a-Half: Anti-Conventional (Late Adolescence)
Rebellion
While this phase isn’t in Kohlberg’s scheme, I think it’s an important one. This, of course, is the time when young people question everything — authority, social conventions and norms, their own identity, their sexuality, their place in the world. Rebellious, risk-taking behavior is usually a part of this stage. They may actively protest authority by engaging in rebellion for rebellion’s sake.

They are testing the value of life’s rules and regulations by violating them. As such, it an important step on the way to maturity, though not recognized as such by Witness Judicial Committees that routinely disfellowship young people for engaging in Stage Two-and-a-Half behavior.

Stage Three: Post-Conventional (Adulthood)
Living by social contract, not rigid dictums — Freedom
At this point, individuals see themselves as separate entities from society. Their own perspective may take precedence over society's view and they may disregard rules that don’t conform to their own world view. They see the value of living in conformity to society’s expectations, but they are also free to deviate from them when it seems reasonable to do so.

Universal ethical principles — Principled conscience
When adults reach this stage, they are guided by an internalized morality. No longer content to blindly follow the law, they adhere to the principles behind the law, an outlook that, ironically, could at times lead to rule-breaking. Unlike adolescent rebellion, however, their occasional non-conformity is guided by the sense that justice may, at times, be lacking in the rules themselves. They have written a unique moral code that works well for them.

What it means
Various religious systems, too, fall into one of these three categories. Some churches, such as revivalist tent meetings that emphasize the reward of heaven and the punishment of hell are very much a Stage One system. Governed by a sense of conformity to social conventions, Jehovah’s Witnesses, Mormons and many Christian fundamentalist and evangelical groups fall into the Stage Two category. Self-directed groups, such as some Buddhists, Unitarian Universalists and humanists, might be seen as Stage Three.

When Jehovah’s Witnesses approach individuals who are at the extreme low end of social integration (skid row alcoholics and others whose lifestyle is spinning out of control), they aren’t nearly as successful at gaining converts from this population sector as their literature placements would predict. Such people do, however, often benefit from churches that preach “fire and brimstone” and that point them toward social services, such as 12-Step programs. They need a Stage One religious program.

Those, on the other hand, who are well-educated, stable and who are already following a spiritual path are also notoriously difficult to convert. While Jehovah’s Witnesses attribute this to the “deceptive power of riches,” such generalizing doesn’t square up with what has been observed in independent research: well-educated people are just as likely to attend to their spiritual needs as others, though they may do so independently. Such people could people be viewed as operating from a Stage Three paradigm.

Where do Jehovah’s Witnesses fit in? As a Stage Two religion, their ministry is most successful among people who have a certain sense of right and wrong, but don’t know how to act in accord with it, or whose environment makes doing so an uphill battle. When you think of the people who were your most successful Bible Studies, weren’t they like that? They wanted to improve their lives, but friends and family often kept dragging them down. Or, they simply had no friends or family to speak of. Jehovah’s Witnesses offered something better than what they had been able to find on their own — structure, a set of moral rules, a sense of community. They felt as if they were finally home, and considering where they had come from, they were home.

All of that is fine, but some of us continue to “press on to maturity.” Whether we’d been converted, or had been raised in Witness home, we began to give attention to the doubts that gnaw just below the conscious awareness of almost every Witness: questions about doctrines that don’t make sense; observations that Witnesses aren’t really better people than those “in the world.”

We began to think for ourselves.

While still having a high regard for many of the principles that Witnesses teach (though may not actually practice) — love for neighbor, honesty, a high regard for truth — we began to discover that we no longer fit in.

The constant repetition of questionable assumptions at the meetings, the demand for lock-step adherence to even the slightest suggestion from the “faithful and discreet slave,” the restriction against even questioning statements found in the publications, all became wearisome and, frankly, boring — not unlike a young man who discovers he no longer has much use for his childhood toys, except to dust them off occasionally as artifacts of his immature past.

When we reached that point, we had already moved on, though we might not have recognized it as such. In my case, I was suppressing all of this awareness. In a subconscious effort to make the elders do to me what I couldn’t do for myself — leave the congregation — I went out and committed acts that led to my disfellowshipping. Others of us might have actually voiced our questions and issues — bringing the elders running to “counsel” us back into conformity. But it didn’t work for long, if at all, and we eventually disassociated ourselves or just faded away.

We’d graduated from the Jehovah’s Witnesses.

Of course, instead of a cap-and-gown and a diploma, our ceremony consisted of a terse announcement at the Kingdom Hall. And with that, we were dispatched to follow the path of Post-Conventional, spiritual adulthood. It might be scary and even confusing at times, but our intuition, will to live and sense of justice got us this far. I don’t think they’ll let us down now.

The Story of N

2010-03-14T12:04:00.000-07:00

Posted by Joel Gunz
(Deepest apologies for the weird layout -- I can't figure out how to make this video fit properly on the page.)

Three years ago or so, "N", then 18, posted a series of interviews on YouTube describing her life as a Jehovah's Witness and what happened when she left. Her story is articulate, funny, sad, courageous and spot on. After a month or two, however, she decided to remove the videos from the Web. In the words of YouTube member Publishing Cult, here's why:

"While the videos were met with mostly loving encouragement , appreciation, and support from ex-Jehovah's Witnesses, Jehovah's Witness and ex-Jehovah's Witness trolls alike descended on this young girl's youtube channel like vultures. Their attacks were often viscous and sexually degrading. The subject of the interview was mortified at some of the hateful and rude comments and asked that they be taken down."

I remember some the hateful responses she received. "I can't wait to see your face burn off when Armageddon comes," and name-calling such as "slut" and "whore" spring most clearly to mind. Turns out that Jesus was right: "Men will expel you from the synagogue. In fact, the hour is coming when everyone that kills you will imagine he has rendered a sacred service to God." (John 16:2, NWT)

N recently decided to allow the videos to return to YouTube and is permitting them to be reposted so others can benefit from them -- provided all comments are first approved and filtered of hate speech. I found these videos to be helpful and I'm glad shes' agreed to have them reposted. I hope you enjoy them too.

You're okay --- I'm not so bad, either.

2010-03-01T04:34:00.001-08:00

Disfellowshipped Witnesses often face community rejection at a time when they need their friends and family the most.

Posted by Joel Gunz

If you have been disfellowshipped from the Jehovah's Witnesses, you probably already know that you are just one of many. Last year, an estimated 60,000 Witnesses willingly agreed to meet with a judicial committee of at least three elders to confess their sins in detail. An hour or two later, they were disfellowshipped and dismissed from the Kingdom Hall without a word.

True, there are bad people in the world, and any religious group has a right to keep its place of worship safe. It must be recognized that there is even a Biblical basis for doing so. (Of course, the word "disfellowshipping" doesn't appear in the Bible. Microsoft Word's spellcheck feature doesn't even recognize it.) That said, in the Bible, there is exactly one case of wrongdoing mentioned that resulted in disfellowshipping. It is the case of a man in Corinth who was carrying on an apparently incestuous relationship, in public, with his stepmother (1 Cor. 5). By any measure that's a socially unacceptable situation.

Jehovah's Witness' application of that rule is, by comparison, frivolous. Young people are frequently expelled for what basically amounts to acting their age. Others might have a real personal struggle, such as an addiction. While most churches see this as an opportunity to imitate Jesus by offering help, perhaps by hosting 12-Step meetings, the Jehovah's Witnesses use it a basis for shunning.

The Witnesses insist that they disfellowship only unrepentant wrongdoers. But isn't an individual's voluntary participation in the judicial process a sign of repentance enough? If submitting to an embarrassingly intrusive inquest, followed by a humble request for forgiveness and spiritual help isn't a clear sign of remorse and repentance, then what is? Obviously, their biggest mistake was to trust a group of elders to handle with common sense the revelation that they have been less than perfect. The point is, most of my friends who are also disfellowshippees are good, trustworthy people, inclined to do the right thing.

My point isn't to question the rightness of Watchtower policy. As a religion, they have a Constitutional right to do just about whatever they want. It's been my observation, though, that many ex-Witnesses are really good people. While they might have committed what the Bible calls "sin," their behavior was, in most cases, a far cry from the scandalous behavior described in 1 Corinthians. (And, by the way, let's get real: if the Bible's prohibition against lying was applied with the same force as fornication, how many Witnesses would escape being disfellowshipped?) Some of these people are still in their teens -- energetic, bright, socially engaged individuals of whom any normal parent would be proud. Instead, their parents view them as a source of shame.

That's why, if you have left the Jehovah's Witnesses or are considering leaving, you can take comfort in the fact that there are people nearby who can provide you with an emotionally safe place to land in your post-Witness life. They're good people who've been where you are and who care. To get in touch, feel free to email me at theadguy123 (at) yahoo (dot) com, or visit the Portland, Oregon ex-Jehovah's Witnesses Meetup group.

Leaps and Bounds

2010-02-27T18:46:00.000-08:00

Posted by Joel Gunz

Have you ever watched the urban extreme sport parkour? Those stunts can be horrifying to watch as the athletes seem to defy gravity, jumping from rooftop to rooftop. But in reality, it’s mostly a mind game. The leaps they take between buildings don’t require special strength; the challenge is dealing with the fact that they’re doing so ten stories off the ground. Though what they do involves risk, the real threat of death exists only in their mind.

Leaving behind a belief system that no longer works can be just as terrifying. For many of us, when we left Jehovah’s Witnessism, we probably did so because it wasn’t living up to its promise of being a spiritual paradise and we knew we had to get out.

At one time, most of us were deeply convinced that the Jehovah’s Witnesses were God’s one true organization. We knocked ourselves out pioneering, building Kingdom Halls, serving where the need was greater. We were deeply passionate about our beliefs and there was no doubt that we had The Truth. But later, we came to see that it was all a bunch of nonsense. We had a crisis of faith. A set of perceptions was literally dying, and there was nothing we could do about it except mourn the loss. Then we healed.

Most likely, after leaving the Witnesses, there was a period of confusion. But soon enough a new set of beliefs began sprouting up that now work better for us and seem closer to the truth. That experience is a lesson in the power our minds have over our perceptions. We now probably look back on our life and think, “How did I ever believe that? How did ever think that such-and-such doctrine had anything to do with Truth?”

The world itself can seem to change. In my case, I joined the human race, seeing good in people I formerly would have dismissed as bad; other people who had once seemed righteous now seemed to be outright predators. Of course, the world hadn’t changed at all, just my perceptions did.

I imagine myself to be a truth-seeker. And let’s be fair, Jehovah’s Witness doctrine is better than some forms of belief. So, for a while, Watchtower theology satisfied my search for truth. But, if I was truly the person I felt myself to be, willing to follow the path of truth wherever it would lead, it was inevitable that I would one day discard Watchtower teachings.

When a group of people confuse mere belief with The Truth, as the Witnesses have done, the search for truth stops. And when that happens, people begin to die spiritually. Those doctrines, no matter how benign they may once have been, become toxic.

My guess is that, for some of us, the toxicity of Witness belief became so noxious that we had to get out or die trying. Something was going down, and it was either us or them. That is what is what prompted us to leap the chasm. And then, when we looked back, we realized that in actuality it wasn’t much of a leap at all.

For me, the video above perfectly illustrates the amazing courage and strength my ex-Jehovah's Witness friends displayed when they finally vaulted their way over and beyond the Watchtower parapet. Now that we're allowed to toast, let's raise a glass to future such leaps and bounds.

Welcome, ex-Jehovah's Witnesses in Portland, Oregon!

2010-02-26T16:24:00.000-08:00

A better life awaits!

Welcome and congratulations! If you are "no longer one of Jehovah's Witnesses" or are considering leaving, simply visiting this site could be a courageous step. We applaud you for taking it.

The idea of of even thinking of leaving the organization can provoke very deep anxieties. Fears about loss of family, friends and business associates, not to mention fears about your spiritual well-being — the very ground under your feet — hold many back from leaving. Former Witnesses ourselves, we understand these challenges. Yet, we have also found that it was one of the most worthwhile moves we ever made. Contrary to what we were taught to believe, there is a wonderful life outside The Organization.

This new blog has been set up by concerned, caring, former Jehovah's Witnesses in the greater Portland, Oregon area. Its purpose is to provide support, friendship and a safe haven as you deal with loss of faith and loved ones while entering into the joys and challenges of the post-Witness life. We remain free from judgment — regardless of lifestyle, orientation or personal choices. You are not alone. You are loved!

To find out more, or if you just want to talk, you are invited to email us at theadguy123 (at) yahoo (dot) com or visit our local Meetup group.

50 Ways to Leave the Watchower

2010-02-26T14:55:00.000-08:00

Gambling isn't mentioned in the Bible, yet the Jehovah's Witnesses disfellowship anyone who engages in this pastime.

Posted by Joel Gunz

According to the latest Watchtower Index, released in 2009, there are 38 distinct matters for which a Jehovah's Witness can be shunned by the congregation. And this list is not complete: there are even more grounds for disfellowshipping that only the elders know about, which have been conveyed to them by letters from the Governing Body and traveling overseers. For which of these were you disfellowshipped? How many of these are mentioned as shunnable practices in the Bible?

It isn't quite 50 ways, but what the heck:

Apostasy
Associating with disfellowshipped persons, including family members
Bestiality
Bloodguilt
Blood transfusion
Dishonest practices
Drunkenness
Working at a casino
Employment violating Christian principles
Extortion
Extreme physical abuse of family members
Fits of anger
Following mourning customs that involve false worship
Fornication
Fraud
Gluttony
Greed in relation to bride-price
Gross uncleanness
Homosexuality
Incestuous marriage
Loose conduct
Lying
Obscene speech
Gambling
Non-medical use of marijuana
Parents condoning immorality
Planned adultery to break Scriptural marriage ties
Polygamy
Pornography
Promoting sects
Reviling
Selling tobacco
Sexual abuse of children
Slander
Subversive activity
Use of illicit drugs
Use of tobacco
Willful nonsupport of family

Stepping Stones to a Brighter Future

2010-02-14T18:28:00.000-08:00

Posted by Joel Gunz

A number of years ago, circuit overseer Keith Kelley gave a talk at the Circuit Assembly in Woodburn, Oregon, on the theme, “Are You a Stepping Stone or Stumbling Stone?” If you were around then, maybe you remember it. His point was that, depending on the choices we make, we can either be a force for good or for evil. It was an excellent talk, and it continues to influence me in my post-Witness life.

I’d like to extend the illustration a bit further.

Imagine that you are stepping from stone to stone as you cross a narrow creek. In some places, jumping to the next rock might seem to require a huge effort, and you may not even be sure that you’ll make it. But as you cross, you look back and realize that it wasn’t so difficult after all.

For those of us who have successfully left the Jehovah’s Witnesses, can’t we say the same thing about our exit? Most of us were plagued by all kinds of fears, anxieties and self-doubts. We knew we were leaving longtime friends and family members. Some of us even faced the reality that we’d take a financial hit as our former brothers cut their business ties to us. We might also have been afraid that our new “worldly” associates would injure us in some way. Our leap out of the Witnesses was probably the most terrifying move we’ve ever made, like stepping into a black void. But then, looking back, we quickly realized that our fears existed purely between our ears, a product The Organization’s indoctrination.

Upon leaving we discovered that many non-Witnesses are capable of a quality of love and loyalty that is all too rare among even the most “exemplary” Witnesses. To the extent that we reached out in the non-Witness world, making new friends came easily. The proverb that “there exists a friend that is sticking closer than a brother” acquired new meaning for us.

Our activities in The Organization might once have loomed large in our lives. But looking back, doesn’t it all seem so small? The friendships shallow? The “privileges” no more substantial than a chocolate gold coin?

Because we’ve taken that leap, we can look to the future with a confidence that is predicated on our own well-earned character strength — not the fiery destruction of 99.99 percent of mankind. We are free to jump ahead to our next stepping stone.

If you are contemplating such a leap, you don’t have to do it alone. There are numerous ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses in Portland, Oregon and surrounding areas who would consider it an honor to help you. You can join our local Meetup group, or contact me at theadguy123@yahoo.com.

Okay, I’ve left. Now what?

2010-02-14T14:11:00.000-08:00

Posted by Joel Gunz

Now that I’ve left the Jehovah’s Witnesses, I’m frequently asked about what I believe now. Do I go to another church? (Not at this time.) Do I hate The Watchtower and Jehovah’s Witnesses? (No, I’m just very disappointed.) Do I celebrate Christmas? (Hell yes!) How do I feel about the Bible? (Inspired, at least in parts — as were the writings of the Buddha, Adyashanti and Bill W.)

Watchtower publications provide an answer for almost every question a person might have about religious doctrine, morals and conduct. For people who need that kind of direction (and there are many who do), they provide a valuable service. Yet, almost everyone I know who has left Jehovah’s Witnessism did so because they no longer needed that kind of religious micromanagement. They found that their (God-given) thinking abilities and common sense were adequate for guiding them as they went on to lead a successful post-Witness life.

They found that it was possible — actually, an improvement — to trade in the flawed certainty of religious fundamentalism for the exhilarating uncertainties that go along with creating from the ground up a life of their own choosing.

Jehovah’s Witnessism teaches that when you “turn your back on God’s organization,” it’s only a matter of time before you’ll become hooked on drugs, adopt a morally profligate lifestyle and contract H.I.V. or have some other disaster befall you. Here’s what, in most cases, actually happens. With apologies to Elizabeth Kübler-Ross, let’s call it the Four Stages of Life After Witnessing:

1) You’ll leave of your own accord, or you might be disfellowshipped. Sometimes it’s a clean getaway and you can walk away from The Organization with your head held high. Many times, though, it’s a messy affair, accompanied by anger, resentment and confusion. Our religion can seem to have us in a choke-hold, and it’s understandable that our escape may take nothing less than manic energy.

2) Once free, it’s quite possible that you will want to catch up on the things you’ve been missing, which might include experimenting with sex or drugs. It can be a really topsy-turvy time — and not all that pleasant to watch. I was a virtual train wreck when I made my break. You don’t have to do those things, but that’s often how it goes.

3) Once you’ve gotten all those pent-up desires and curiosities out of your system, you’ll likely return to an equilibrium that works for you. If you were a decent, honest person when you were a Witness, you’ll probably be that way after you leave and get back on your feet again.

4) You’ll find a path that works for you. It might involve Christianity in some way or it might look at other traditions, such as Eastern philosophy. Or, having had your fill of religion, you might decide to take a break from all that. When I asked my cousin, Sean Delaney, why he joined the Catholic monastery in Mt. Angel, Oregon after being disfellowshipped, he said that he needed a place where he could enjoy some much-needed peace and quiet.

The point is, leaving the Witnesses is like having the rug pulled out from under you. When that happens you then have the opportunity to get yourself up, brush yourself off and start over.

The ex-Witnesses I know were often among the most sincere members of the congregation. Now they are productive members of the community and living decent lives while they follow fascinating life-paths that are as unique as they are.

Have you left or do you need help finding the path out of The Organization? Get in touch with ex-Jehovah's Witnesses in Portland, Oregon. Join our local Meetup group, or contact me at theadguy123@yahoo.com.

An Open Invitation to All Jehovah’s Witnesses

2010-02-01T12:47:00.000-08:00

Posted by Joel Gunz

If you are a member of Jehovah’s Witnesses, you are invited to join me in a private conversation about our divergent faith paths. The aim? To give you an opportunity to have your say with an ex-Witness and to hear my individual position, in a safe, respectful atmosphere.

When I was a member of Jehovah’s Witnesses, I spent many thousands of hours looking for people with whom to share my faith. Like all Witnesses, I approached everybody, getting to know Catholics, Buddhists, atheists, Wiccans and Satanists, as well as those who struggled with crippling mental illnesses and drug addictions. That variety made going out in service an enriching experience for me.

There was only one group that I, like all publishers, avoided: those who had left Jehovah’s Witnesses. The result? Most Witnesses know more about what makes a Hindu tick than they do those whom they once viewed as brothers and sisters. My experience is that misconceptions abound in this area. We are labeled “apostate,” “spiritually dead” “grossly immoral” and worse. That may be true of a small minority of ex-Witnesses. But as a blanket statement, it doesn’t fit.

I would like to set the record straight in this area and find ways to promote greater understanding of what it means to be a former Jehovah’s Witness. Too often, online forums quickly deteriorate into arguments and even petty name-calling. I doubt that a lot of good can come from this. I feel the best way to air our differences is to engage in a personal, face-to-face conversation.

Only two rules will prevail: (1) that we avoid trying to convince the other to change his or her views and (2) that the conversation be dignified, rational and respectful. For my part, I will respect your privacy. No one needs to know that you’ve talked to me.

If you are a member of Jehovah’s Witnesses, consider yourself cordially invited for a sit-down with me.