tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-84676374976501667272024-02-20T19:05:38.038-08:00Ex-Jehovah's Witnesses of Portland, OregonJoel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.comBlogger39125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-88010442332363872052022-04-29T00:11:00.008-07:002022-11-30T12:22:48.542-08:00A Year of Sundays<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4zVCeEGL5Imv4i9Wsd6IBEfkT3gFR-U57abVxG33QrpFmMgcRFAL4Mtjq_toYmXhHETwH1PHOP8I50CgZc6Df0O8swY3PMkaBdSdQJkUJpVX4dyR8BYU_q4Ya2ZO-Wq9VBjtaNS7wvLaiAm4GbBkUUC7tEMOexuk9IL2tt7au9vpLmLMGeIU5AoDGCw/s1708/Screen%20Shot%202022-04-29%20at%201.12.36%20AM.png" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1132" data-original-width="1708" height="265" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi4zVCeEGL5Imv4i9Wsd6IBEfkT3gFR-U57abVxG33QrpFmMgcRFAL4Mtjq_toYmXhHETwH1PHOP8I50CgZc6Df0O8swY3PMkaBdSdQJkUJpVX4dyR8BYU_q4Ya2ZO-Wq9VBjtaNS7wvLaiAm4GbBkUUC7tEMOexuk9IL2tt7au9vpLmLMGeIU5AoDGCw/w400-h265/Screen%20Shot%202022-04-29%20at%201.12.36%20AM.png" width="400" /></a></div><h1 style="text-align: left;"><i>I SPENT A YEAR GOING TO CHURCH SO YOU DON'T HAVE TO. </i></h1><p>Once upon a time, a now-ex-girlfriend and I hit up a different church each week. Afterward, we each wrote a blog post about it, separately, sort of like Siskel and Ebert. Christian, Jewish, Muslim, Spiritualist, Buddhist and beyond, we didn't care. We just dropped by with notepad, camera and three kids in tow. Our relationship didn't stand the test of time, but I'm happy to say some of my writing does. It was a fun, cathartic project. It also won a <a href="https://www.wweek.com/portland/article-17779-best-of-portland-2011-best-reads.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">Portland Best Reads award from Willamette Week</a>. Feel free to start with my trip to the Kingdom Hall:</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/04/jehovahs-witness-memorial-woodland.html" target="_blank">Crashing the Memorial: Better than a 1000 Therapy Sessions Spent Elsewhere</a></p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/04/jehovahs-witnesses-disfellowshipping.html" target="_blank">Jehovah’s Witnesses, Disfellowshipping and the Art of Civil Disobedience</a></p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>O.G. Christian</b></h3><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/03/ash-wednesday-because-sunday-just-isnt-enough.html" target="_blank">Ash Wednesday: Because Sunday Just Isn’t Enough</a> (The Catholics)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/02/the-grotto-sinning-aint-no-picnic.html" target="_blank">The Grotto: Sinning Ain’t No Picnic</a> (The Catholics)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/10/downtown-chapel-doing-everything-it-can-to-make-itself-useless-in-a-good-way.html" target="_blank">A Church Doing Everything it Can to Make Itself Useless (In a Good Way)</a> (The Catholics)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/05/taize%e2%80%94trinity-episcopal_cathedral.html" target="_blank">Taizé—You’re it!</a> (The Episcopalians)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/06/pentecost-trinity-episcopa-cathedral-portland-oregon.html" target="_blank">Pentecostal Services at Trinity Episcopal–FTW!</a> (The Episcopalians)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2012/01/holy-trinity-greek-orthodox-church-portland-oregon.html" target="_blank">It’s All Greek To Me</a> (Greek Orthodox)</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>Other Christian</b></h3><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/03/oh-the-places-youll-go-when-you-join-sunset-presbyterian.html" target="_blank">Oh, the Places You’ll Go When You Join Sunset Presbyterian!</a> (Sunset Presbyterian)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/02/jamming-on-a-sunday-morning.html" target="_blank">Righteous Jazz on a Sunday Morning</a> (Westminster Presbyterian Church)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/03/a-brush-prairie-home-companion.html" target="_blank">A Brush Prairie Home Companion</a> (Apostolic Lutheran)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/04/imago-dei-starring-rick-mckinley.html" target="_blank">Um, Wow: It’s The Imago Dei Show, Starring Rick McKinley!</a> (Imago Dei "Community" Church)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/01/amez-church-comfort-food-for-the-soul.html" target="_blank">AMEZ Church: Comfort food for the soul</a> (A.M.E. Zion)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/01/first-christian-church-a-church-white-people-like.html" target="_blank">First Christian Church: A Church White People Like</a> (The Very First Christian Church. Who knew?)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/05/the-portland-pentecostals-calisthenics-for-christ.html" target="_blank">Calisthenics for Christ</a> (Portland Pentecostal Church)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/05/theophilus-church-hawthorne.html" target="_blank">Getting My Fill at Theophilus Church</a> (Indie Christian)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/06/celebrating-memorial-day-at-the-church-on-the-mountain.html" target="_blank">Celebrating Memorial Day at the Church on the Mountain</a> (Lumberjack Indie)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/06/city-bible-church-portland-orego.html" target="_blank">Visit the Church Led by Pastor Frank Bossypants</a> (City Bible Church)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/06/metropolitan-community-church-of-portland-observing-the-high-holy-day-of-gay-pride.html" target="_blank">Observing the High Holy Day of Gay Pride</a> (Metropolitan Community Church of Portland)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/07/the-mild-bunch-mill-plain-united-methodist-church.html" target="_blank">The Mild Bunch: Mill Plain United Methodist Church</a> (The Methodists)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/07/augustana-lutheran-church-live-jazz.html" target="_blank">Portland’s Best Live Jazz + Church: Who Could Ask for Anything More?</a> (Augustana Lutheran Church)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2012/01/martians-for-jesus-invade.html" target="_blank">Martians for Jesus Invade!</a> (Mars Hill Church)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/09/living-hope-church-vancouver-washington.html" target="_blank">Attention shoppers! Looking for a helluva church at heavenly prices?</a> (Living Hope Church)</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>Off-Christian</b></h3><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/09/mormons-and-church-of-jesus-christ-and-latter-day-saints.html" target="_blank">What We Did on Our Summer Vacation</a> (The Mormons)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/03/theres-something-about-mary-baker-eddy.html" target="_blank">There’s Something About Mary Baker Eddy</a> (Christian Science)</p><p><br /></p><h3 style="text-align: left;"><b>Beyond Christian</b></h3><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/10/24-hour-church-of-elvis.html" target="_blank">Are you lonesome tonight?</a><b> (</b>24-Hour Church of Elvis)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/04/she-blinded-me-with-scientology.html" target="_blank">She Blinded Me with Scientology</a> (Wackadoodle, Inc.)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/10/now-boarding-flight-112-to-hare-krishna.html" target="_blank">Now Boarding, Flight 112 to Hare Krishna!</a> (Hare Krishna)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/04/in-which-i-am-nearly-seduced-by-the-siren-call-of-reformed-judaism.html" target="_blank">In Which I am Nearly Seduced by the Siren Call of Reform Judaism</a> (Congregation Beth Israel)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/05/in-a-universe-of-infinite-possibilities-its-inevitable-that-there-would-be-a-church-of-alice.html" target="_blank">In a Universe of Infinite Possibilities, It’s Inevitable That There Would be a Church of Alice.</a> (Alice Street Spiritualist Church)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/09/the-quakers-aka-multnomah-friends-meeting.html" target="_blank">The Quakers—Not Just for Breakfast Anymore</a> (Religious Society of Friends)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/09/what-we-did-on-august-14-adf-druidry-its-not-nice-to-fool-around-with-mother-nature.html" target="_blank">ADF Druidry: It’s Not Nice to Fool (Around with) Mother Nature</a> (Neo-paganism)</p><p><a href="https://www.beliefnet.com/columnists/yearofsundays/2011/01/lets-put-the-universalist-back-in-unitarian-shall-we.html" target="_blank">Let’s Put the “Universalist” Back in “Unitarian,” Shall We?</a> (Unitarian Universalist)</p>Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-89321356429795363632018-04-02T11:06:00.002-07:002022-04-28T21:42:22.476-07:00The Myth of Closure<h3>
What happens when religious shunning shuts one door and leaves too many others open?</h3>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig-M05C63zIbBHGHJBGB5DbSNXNkS9R1Nae-CkeJjqcmF8KSNICP658z84qSAR7Q5jpYsAkzJh0paU9gAgFIWDzXnwB6guT7HmJCtkzlJKvzUSDQ5S_TBMuSwfpyGV1A7Tno7x7XFTaXUa/s1600/IMG_1390.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="345" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEig-M05C63zIbBHGHJBGB5DbSNXNkS9R1Nae-CkeJjqcmF8KSNICP658z84qSAR7Q5jpYsAkzJh0paU9gAgFIWDzXnwB6guT7HmJCtkzlJKvzUSDQ5S_TBMuSwfpyGV1A7Tno7x7XFTaXUa/s640/IMG_1390.jpg" width="640" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Author and therapist Dr. Pauline Boss. </td></tr>
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<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i><br />“A New York reporter doing a story on the anniversary of 9/11 asked me why I thought New Yorkers weren’t over [the trauma] yet. My answer: “Because you’re trying to get over it.” </i>— Dr. Pauline Boss, in <a href="https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/mar/18/flight-mh370-families-grief-ambiguity" target="_blank">the Guardian</a>.</blockquote>
<br />
<h3>
Just thirty minutes up I-84.</h3>
That’s how long it takes to go see my kids: “M,” my son, age twenty-five and “L,” my daughter, sixteen. An easy drive, until you factor in the unbridgeable psychic gulf—a fiery lake of religious shunning, sulfured by an aging divorcée’s ancient grudges. So there’s that. I haven’t seen L in months. For M, it’s been years. They might as well live on Saturn.<br />
<br />
In 2002, I was disfellowshipped from the Jehovah’s Witnesses. Overnight, every friend and every family member I’d ever had vanished. Labelled an “apostate,” I was presumed toxic, a threat to my kids’ spiritual health and a stumbling block on their path to Christ’s Millennial Reich on a paradise earth. Indoctrination ensued. Eventually, the cult won. And now it’s as if they’re M.I.A. in a parallel universe. Should I mourn their loss and move on? Or should I cling to hope and put my own life on hold?<br />
<br />
<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Ambiguous-Loss-Learning-Unresolved-Grief/dp/0674003810/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1478461228&sr=8-1&keywords=ambiguous+loss+by+pauline+boss" target="_blank">Author</a> and therapist Dr. Pauline Boss calls such trauma ambiguous loss. As she told Krista Tippett in an interview on <a href="http://www.onbeing.org/program/pauline-boss-the-myth-of-closure/8757" target="_blank">On Being</a>, “With ambiguous loss, there’s really no possibility of closure. Not even, in fact, resolution. Therefore, it ends up looking like what psychiatrists now call ‘complicated grief.’” However, she draws a distinction. This isn’t a mental pathology; it’s a pathological situation — “an illogical, chaotic, unbelievably painful situation that these people go through who have missing loved ones, either physically or psychologically.”<br />
<br />
Under these circumstances, she insists that there’s no such thing as closure. In fact, she believes that the whole idea of closure is a myth. So, too, with regard to Elizabeth Kubler-Ross’ famed stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression: there is no “graduation day” of acceptance. Some days you feel acceptance, some days you feel sad. In most cases, over time, the good days outnumber the bad. At this moment, I’m feeling rather pissed. Tomorrow might be better. Full overdisclosure: Zoloft helps.<br />
<br />
For those who’ve been shunned, there is tremendous pressure to bury these feelings and move on. Faithful Witnesses will sneeringly complain that we should “get over it” — always a lovely thing to hear from your abuser.<br />
<br />
Then there’s our society. In America, Dr. Boss (I love calling her that) observes a culture of “mastery orientation”: “We like to solve problems. We’re not comfortable with unanswered questions. That kind of mystery, I think, gives us a feeling of helplessness that we’re very uncomfortable with as a society.” Understandably, I’ve had friends pull away at a time when I most needed human connection.<br />
<br />
<h3>
It’s not me, it’s you.</h3>
Fun fact of human nature: whether it's an air strike or an avalanche, survivors often feel guilty for living through a disaster when others didn't. Perpetrators, on the other hand, usually blame the victim. This is especially true in religions that practice shunning. Jehovah’s Witnesses declare disfellowshipped persons “unrepentant sinners.”Those outed by Scientologists are called “Suppressive Persons.” Members of the Bahá’í faith ostracize those they deem to be “Covenant-breakers.” In each case, fault for the breach in the relationship is placed entirely on the one being shunned. After being out all these years and getting lots of therapy, whenever I see a Witness on the street, I’m still overcome with feelings of shame. It doesn’t matter that I know it’s them and not me.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Name the pain.</h3>
Part of Boss’ genius was to give this malady a name where there wasn’t one before. Over and over again near Ground Zero, as if uttering a mantra, she offered these words to suffering 9/11 survivors:<br />
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
<i>“What you’re experiencing is ambiguous loss because your loved ones are still missing. It is the most difficult, most stressful loss there is, but it is not your fault.”</i></blockquote>
I’ve had to say this a few times to myself. It allows me to cry like a sissy. It helps me cope.<br />
<br />
<h3>
Own your paradox.</h3>
“Your kids will grow out of it,” my friends may say. “Once they move out, they’ll want to see you again,” they say. Well-meaning expressions. But the truth is: maybe. Maybe not. I know plenty of disfellowshipped dads and moms who are watching their kids grow into middle age with no change in their relationship. As of now, M and L have blocked me from simply watching them on social media. Sometimes I’ll grab a friend’s phone and look them up on Instagram. <a href="https://youtu.be/nG0zxxzvyYE" target="_blank">Reaching across the galaxy</a>, but not quite touching. There, but not there. Says Boss:<div><br /></div><div><div>“We like finite answers. You’re either dead or you’re alive. You’re either here or you’re gone. But now and then, there’s a problem that has no solution. To say either-or, in a binary way — he’s dead or he’s alive, you’re either here or you’re gone — that would involve some denial and lack of truth, so the only truth is a middle way: ‘he may come back and he may not.’ The only way to live with ambiguous loss is to hold two opposing ideas in your mind at the same time. Once you put that frame on it, people are more at ease and recognize that that may be the closest to the truth they’re going to get.”</div><div><br /></div><h3>
Create your own damn meaning.</h3>
The Zen-like practice of holding two opposing ideas at once may not be ideal, but it can be good enough. And in this crazy world, sometimes that’s what we have to settle for. If the trauma of shunning is ultimately meaningless, then let’s create our own meaning. For example, Boss suggests that “the mother of a kidnapped child may devote her life to helping prevent other children from going missing.” A cult survivor might (cough) write a blog with the aim of helping others escape. Shunning has given me a blank canvas to create from scratch the meaning of my life without any obligation to make sense to anyone but me. For example, did you know you can add anyone as a family member on Facebook? A couple of years ago, my friend and muse Meredith did just that, adding me as her brother. My page shows her as my sister. I know it sounds silly, but it was touching and beautiful. Recently, I invited my longtime friend Kay to be my brother. He accepted. I’m slowly stringing together a new family, crafting a bespoke set of relations. I like this experiment. It feels good and makes a weird kind of sense out of something senseless. It tilts into the ambiguity. It gives me room to believe that things will be okay.<br />
_______<br />
<br />
One day, poet Donna Carnes’ husband went sailing in San Francisco Bay and never returned. Neither he nor his boat were ever found. Here’s her poem memorializing that ambiguous loss. You can also listen to Pauline Boss read it on the above-mentioned On Being episode.<br />
<br />
WALK ON<br />
by Donna Carnes<div><br />
You walk on<br />
still beside me,<br />
eyes shadowed in dusk;<br />
you’re the<br />
lingering question<br />
at each day’s end.<br />
I have to laugh<br />
at how<br />
open-ended you remain,<br />
still with me<br />
after all these years<br />
of being lost.<br />
I carry you like<br />
my own personal<br />
Time Machine,<br />
as I put on<br />
my lipstick, smile,<br />
and head out to<br />
the party.</div></div>Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-37515324695794238242016-03-26T12:22:00.000-07:002016-03-26T12:22:28.186-07:009 Black Lives Matter Tactics Cult Survivors Can Use Too<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxFNzpaUc5X-Y-oOicjJpFaXKU4senffCWISRl_0PkQzy96cjmheP-W5Mtw-Zb9Y0BUJLb_-wBoiunk2pfMrceKXWrv1xOGuLUufJyZld_Pv4LxC2w40dcbjmpU4xDwNQ_VUOefSGzXVwl/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-03-25+at+10.39.41+PM.png" imageanchor="1"><img border="0" height="150" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjxFNzpaUc5X-Y-oOicjJpFaXKU4senffCWISRl_0PkQzy96cjmheP-W5Mtw-Zb9Y0BUJLb_-wBoiunk2pfMrceKXWrv1xOGuLUufJyZld_Pv4LxC2w40dcbjmpU4xDwNQ_VUOefSGzXVwl/s400/Screen+Shot+2016-03-25+at+10.39.41+PM.png" width="400" /></a><br />
<br />
Black Lives Matter is changing the way activism gets done. As has been said, it’s “not your grandfather’s civil rights movement.” For instance, reflecting a society that’s more autonomous than it was in the 1960s, its leadership stays in the background and allows a profusion of voices to carry its message and stage its activities. On Twitter, Facebook and in real life it’s waging an ongoing “<a href="http://blacklivesmatter.com/guiding-principles/" target="_blank">ideological and political intervention in a world where Black lives are systematically and intentionally targeted for demise</a>.”<br />
<br />
The movement points the way for all marginalized and oppressed groups to reframe the conversation and make their voice heard. As a former Jehovah’s Witness, I think there’s much to learn as I raise my voice against abuses within that cult. (Granted, the centuries-old, systematic mistreatment of Black lives in America far outweighs the religious abuse in the Witness community and other high-control religions.)<br />
<br />
If you aren’t familiar with the Witnesses, that C-bomb might come as a surprise. Here’s one reason why it’s justified—and why it’s a good idea to look to Black Lives Matter for guidance. In a practice known as disfellowshipping, members who fail to toe the doctrinal line are called before secretive judicial committees to confess and repent. If the committee, using guidelines from a private handbook (ordinary members aren’t allowed to read it), determines that the accused is not sincerely repentant, they will then exile that person from the community—for good. Reinstatement is possible, but it can take years of humiliating effort.<br />
<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7-GCmydae34fmXMbDyageRPEUPIObVBeZcaA3YI5PexHx3iS_y5LaN7zQ8-cLCw5S8BXUCof5GNJJWUxAVhu_PPPcGxr2u40AeBh1iSe7-oKLrbnbTH6watv-xOTQQBB8rJzjV2al2CI6/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-03-25+at+9.36.37+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="188" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh7-GCmydae34fmXMbDyageRPEUPIObVBeZcaA3YI5PexHx3iS_y5LaN7zQ8-cLCw5S8BXUCof5GNJJWUxAVhu_PPPcGxr2u40AeBh1iSe7-oKLrbnbTH6watv-xOTQQBB8rJzjV2al2CI6/s320/Screen+Shot+2016-03-25+at+9.36.37+PM.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here, a young Witness woman — let’s call her Bridget — flaunts her rebellious attitude toward church elders by displaying a hemp bracelet and pink streak in her hair. Also, just look at her shoulders. Clearly, her life is headed for ruin! — Photo: “God’s Word for Us Through Jeremiah,” Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, 2010</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0sqe8RU5jw0pk5srKez-VZ2ZM7uq9RqTokMF12Mysh6NMX1pCiWeSSHiCFIbo3iIEYXtaGtcKmBIy18M0CNlcwoCfRetS3qAaGi_K7RupSucPrxTzFTCSbMlKO74uc5Qr5wJC480JkfDL/s1600/Screen+Shot+2016-03-25+at+9.35.47+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="204" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh0sqe8RU5jw0pk5srKez-VZ2ZM7uq9RqTokMF12Mysh6NMX1pCiWeSSHiCFIbo3iIEYXtaGtcKmBIy18M0CNlcwoCfRetS3qAaGi_K7RupSucPrxTzFTCSbMlKO74uc5Qr5wJC480JkfDL/s320/Screen+Shot+2016-03-25+at+9.35.47+PM.png" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Jehovah’s Witnesses are taught that leaving the religion leads inevitably to a life of despair and dissolution. Here, Bridget has shacked up with a ne’er-do-well. She smokes menthols and feeds her illegitimate baby formula — not breast milk — as she pines for her former, happier days with her Jehovah’s Witness friends. — Photo: “God’s Word for Us Through Jeremiah,” Watchtower Bible and Tract Society, 2010</td></tr>
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The damage from such character assassination can last a lifetime.Globally, an estimated <a href="http://www.jwfacts.com/watchtower/disfellowship-shunning.php#1" target="_blank">70,000 members are thus shunned each year</a>. Friends and even family members are forbidden to as much as greet these individuals on the street—or they can face the same fate. Since they’re scapegoated as “mentally diseased” and worse, most Witnesses willingly shun them. Such fearmongering deters church members from voicing any disagreement over doctrine or leadership decisions.<br />
<br />
Disfellowshipping strips people of their dignity and stigmatizes its victims. It destroys friendships and marriages and alienates parents from their own children. Not surprisingly, the aftermath includes anxiety, depression and, at times, suicide. This religious abuse needs to stop.<br />
<br />
As with minority and queer movements that have borrowed ideas from the Black liberation movement, this trauma demands an “ideological and political intervention.” How is Black Lives Matter going about their struggle—and what can we learn from them?<br />
<br />
<b>1. Speak your truth, without apology.</b> <a href="http://blacklivesmatter.com/guiding-principles/" target="_blank">Black Lives Matter’s guiding principles</a> state: “We are unapologetically Black in our positioning…. To love and desire freedom and justice for ourselves is a necessary prerequisite for wanting the same for others.” Disfellowshipping didn’t strip you of your voice. It actually freed you say what you’ve bottled up, probably for years. Speaking up for ourselves restores our humanity and value.<br />
<br />
<b>2. Stand up for those who have been especially othered.</b> Black Lives Matter has a special place in its ranks for Black people who suffer doubly from homophobia, sexism and other stigmas. By caring for its most wounded members, its strongest members are made invincible. Many ex-Witnesses are likewise LGBTQ or members of other marginalized minorities. Even though they might no longer believe in Watchtower teachings, the residual religious shame can run deep. Let’s stand up for them.<br />
<br />
<b>3. Be loving. </b>Another line from their guiding principles: “We are committed to collectively, lovingly and courageously working vigorously for freedom and justice for Black people and, by extension all people.” Good marching orders for ex-Witnesses.<br />
<br />
<b>4. Be angry.</b> It’s fairly impossible to be Black in America (or be White, with an ounce of compassion) and have a pulse and not be angry. Similarly (though admittedly to a lesser extent), the Witnesses’ religious abuse is outrageous. From that, it follows that the only sane response is outrage. Let’s own it.<br />
<br />
<b>5. Realize that the two are not mutually exclusive.</b> What James Baldwin famously wrote about race in America is also true for us: “Love does not begin and end the way we seem to think it does. Love is a battle, love is a war; love is a growing up.”<br />
<br />
<b>6. Understand that those who have shunned you will probably never change their position, but their kids might.</b> As Black Lives Matter founder Patrice Cullers said recently, “It is very easy when you’re fighting big systems that crush whole communities to ask, “what’s the point?” And I think the point isn’t… necessarily [seeking a] victory, the point is building the power of our communities…. If it’s about something bigger than us, then we’re going to stay in it for the long haul—because the hope is that in 100 or 200 years from now… we will have left this place better off.” I’d love to see The Watchtower Society put completely out of business. But that probably won’t happen in my lifetime. I’ve got to be in it for the long haul.<br />
<br />
<b>7. Don’t try to be the next MLK.</b> Part of Black Lives Matter’s momentum derives from the fact that it avoids hierarchy and centralized leadership. Likewise, the world doesn’t need another hotshot “apostate leader.” People left the cult because they were tired of being “shepherded.” So if you’re an organizer of a Meetup or other support group, stay chill and in the background.<br />
<br />
<b>8. Be willing to be disruptive. </b>In order to jump-start conversation about race that leads to change, Black lives activists have ruffled a lot of feathers in very public — yet legal — ways. Logically, If we allow ourselves to be silenced, it makes us complicit in the Witnesses’ shunning. It suggests that we haven’t fully left the cult. (Are you offended by that statement? Good!) So go to a meeting and raise your hand. Partake at the Memorial. Approach Witnesses on the street with their silly magazine racks and talk to them. If you see a Witness who was once your friend, go say hello. Force them to confront what shunning really means. It isn’t easy. I’ve given the Witnesses the power to shun me more times than I want to think about. But, rather than just deciding to be more confrontational, maybe we can just decide to be willing to be more vocal about our lives when we encounter Jehovah’s Witnesses. That tiny change is doable—and I think it can work miracles.<br />
<br />
<b>9. Hone your message.</b> Black Lives Matter has one message that’s so simple and refined it’s got own hashtag. What is the one thing you want people to remember about your particular form of activism? Boil that down, think it through and maybe you’ll do your part to help #stopshunning.<br />
<br />
<i>Did you like this article? Please show it some love and share it through it on your favorite social media channel. Thank you!</i>Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-58632528705755786442015-09-07T10:51:00.000-07:002015-09-07T16:31:52.810-07:00What the Hell Do I Do with My Brain Now?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBfs2lotfoLbNWbyOW6Ki8UE_ZfeZoc0ugd1Kyi06kLfJpGMfaFsPkHTLBnW9exod2Fx4KhOk3aqfm3MZ1R2297lSmjiOMfNpY1PcxGdyTvRTCe_KUmWwLj9b3gNzKjWum23yikAQuiFVE/s1600/heads+3.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhBfs2lotfoLbNWbyOW6Ki8UE_ZfeZoc0ugd1Kyi06kLfJpGMfaFsPkHTLBnW9exod2Fx4KhOk3aqfm3MZ1R2297lSmjiOMfNpY1PcxGdyTvRTCe_KUmWwLj9b3gNzKjWum23yikAQuiFVE/s400/heads+3.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
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Like most good Jehovah’s Witnesses, I had pretty good study
habits. Even though they were in service of a whack-o set of doctrines, I still learned a lot about world history and Western civilization in general. For that,
at least, I’m thankful. Once I left, though, those *cough* useful habits could
have atrophied, and I think that would have been unfortunate.<br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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How to keep my brain fed? College wasn’t an option and, anyway, I’d had my fill of institutional learning. So I found ways
to hack my education for free <a href="http://www.uncollege.org/">before it was
a “thing</a>." I thought I’d share some of my discoveries with you. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
CRAM YOUR BRAIN-HOLE WITH THESE BLOGS AND SUCH <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://www.brainpickings.org/">Brain Pickings</a><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Leaving the cult, I had to trade a set of jacked-up, but
easy, certainties for a life of anxious, but authentic, not-knowing. I also realized
that I need to rethink the way I think. As a J-Dubber, I’d been trained to filter
all information through an apocalyptic-millennialist lens; upon leaving, I had
to create a whole new worldview from the ground up. Enter Maria Popova’s Brain
Pickings. She describes this labor of love as: “a record of my own becoming as
a person—intellectually, creatively, spiritually—and an inquiry into how to
live and what it means to lead a good life.” Her blog is a humanities course in
itself. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Popova brings such thinkers as <a href="http://www.brainpickings.org/2015/06/15/william-james-the-energies-of-men-second-wind/">William
James</a>, <a href="http://www.brainpickings.org/2015/05/14/thoreau-walking-ignorance-knowledge/">Thoreau</a>,
<a href="http://www.brainpickings.org/2015/05/25/emerson-essays-lectures-experience/">Emerson</a>
and <a href="http://www.brainpickings.org/2015/08/28/conversations-of-goethe-eckermann-creativity/">Goethe</a>
back from the dead to talk about the ongoing process of waking up and staying
awake so as to live life to its full potential. This is not your usual New Age fruit cup. It’s more like getting practical advice from a wise old grandpa
we wished we'd had, but didn’t. Taking a break from heady 19<sup>th</sup> century
philosophy, she also reports on lovely children’s books you’ll want for
yourself, by poet <a href="http://www.brainpickings.org/2015/08/28/the-iron-giant-ted-hughes-laura-carlin/">Ted
Hughes</a>, designer <a href="http://www.brainpickings.org/2012/02/21/henris-walk-to-paris-saul-bass/">Saul
Bass</a>, playwright <a href="http://www.brainpickings.org/2015/07/02/the-magic-box-pintauro-laliberte/">Joseph
Pintauro</a>, novelist <a href="http://www.brainpickings.org/2015/04/07/hurry-up-and-wait-daniel-handler-maira-kalman/">Daniel
Handler</a>, of course, <a href="http://www.brainpickings.org/2014/09/09/maurice-sendak-we-are-all-in-the-dumps-with-jack-and-guy/">Maurice
Sendak</a> and much, much more.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://edge.org/">The Edge</a><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Watchtower publications have an answer for every Big
Question in the world. (They just happen to be mostly wrong.) But what happens when people
who are actually smart take a stab at them? That’s the premise of the Edge,
whose mission is t<span style="mso-bidi-font-style: italic;">o “arrive at the
edge of the world's knowledge, seek out the most complex and sophisticated
minds, put them in a room together, and have them ask each other the questions
they are asking themselves.” </span>For example, ornithologist Richard Prum talks about <a href="http://edge.org/conversation/duck-sex-aesthetic-evolution-and-the-origin-of-beauty">Duck
Sex, Aesthetic Evolution and the Origin of Beauty</a>. Each year, they bring
these brainiacs together in a forum to take on one big-burrito topic, such as <a href="http://edge.org/annual-question/what-should-we-be-worried-about">what we
*should* be worried about</a> and <a href="http://edge.org/annual-question/what-is-your-dangerous-idea">what their
most dangerous ideas</a> are.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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STUFF YOUR SKULL WITH THESE PODCASTS<o:p></o:p></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://onbeing.org/">On Being</a><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you’re sick of religion but still want to explore paths
where meaning, values and spirituality intersect, subscribe to this podcast.
Host Krista Tippett sits down for one-hour-ish-long conversations with people like
banjo virtuoso <a href="http://onbeing.org/program/bela-fleck-abigail-washburn-beauty-in-banjo-and-in-life/7705">Béla
Fleck</a>, astrophysicist <a href="http://onbeing.org/program/mario-livio-mysteries-of-an-expanding-universe/244">Mario
Livio</a>, vulnerability guru <a href="http://onbeing.org/program/brene-brown-on-vulnerability/4928">Brené Brown</a>
and Zen star <a href="http://onbeing.org/program/thich-nhat-hanh-mindfulness-suffering-and-engaged-buddhism/74">Thich
Nhat Hanh</a> to talk about the meaning of it all in simple, thought-provoking
ways. She also had a great sit-down with <a href="http://onbeing.org/program/maria-popova-cartographer-of-meaning-in-a-digital-age/7580">Maria
Popova</a> (which, in turn, hipped me to her blog). <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://www.philosophizethis.org/">Philosophize This!</a><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Want to learn philosophy but you’re afraid of all the big
words? This ongoing project from Stephen West takes on the history of
philosophy from the ancient Greeks to today using opinionated humor and
real-life application—and it's all very accessible, even for non-college-educated people like me. He recommends (and I agree)
that you start at the beginning and work forward chronologically, because each
episode, as with the story of philosophy itself, builds on what came before. Unfortunately, his site’s archive structure doesn’t make that easy, so <a href="http://www.philosophizethis.org/ionian-pre-socratic-philosophy/">I’ll
give you a hand</a>. <o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://www.wnyc.org/shows/heresthething/">Here’s the Thing</a><o:p></o:p></b></div>
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Alec Baldwin has a surprising gift for gabbing with people
who’ve worked hard to made their mark on the world, getting them to dish about the things that make them real, make them human. Taken as a whole, for me,
these interviews are like a mentorship program as I scrape together the crumbs
of my own life to leave behind something that says I was here, a gift that the
next generation can use and maybe grow from. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His talks with magician <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/htt-penn-jillette/">Penn Jillette</a>, musician
<a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/htt-paul-simon/">Paul Simon</a>, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">New Yorker</i> magazine editor <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/htt-david-remnick/">David Remnick</a> and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">This American Life</i>’s <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/ira-glass-interview/">Ira Glass</a> are insightful, entertaining and inspiring. Check out his interview with <a href="http://www.wnyc.org/story/225651-billy-joel/" target="_blank">Billy Joel</a> for a surprisingly dirty version of "Just the Way You Are."<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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TICKLE YOUR GREY MATTER WITH THESE VIDEOS<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><a href="http://kurzgesagt.org/">Kurzgesagt</a><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Want to know how the world works in easy, snackable chunks?
The animators and writers over in Munich-based Kurzgesagt (German for “in a
nutshell”) produce 5-minute-or-so infographicky videos that demontsrate topics
like <a href="http://kurzgesagt.org/project/is-war-over/">Is War Over?</a> <a href="http://kurzgesagt.org/project/what-is-life/">What is Life?</a> <a href="http://kurzgesagt.org/project/everything-you-need-to-know-about-planet-earth/">Everything
You Need to Know about Planet Earth</a> and <a href="http://kurzgesagt.org/project/are-you-alone-in-the-universe/">Are You
Alone in the Universe?</a><o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<a href="https://www.ted.com/"><b>TED Talks</b></a><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Enough said.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<o:p>Well, that's a start. You’ve probably got a few sources of worldly wisdom of your own. Drop them in the comments so everyone can see!</o:p></div>
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Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-13177861323723557542015-07-23T09:19:00.000-07:002015-07-23T09:24:42.524-07:00Letter Perfect: How One Sister Broke the News to Her Parents<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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28-year-old "Crystal" was raised in a zealous Jehovah's Witness family. She lives with her parents and, even by this religion's standards, has lived a very sheltered, controlled life. Nevertheless, she found a way out, and two weeks before she was supposed to go to Pioneer School, made a clean break.<br />
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After telling her parents about her decision in person, she followed up with a letter. It's loving, forgiving, honest and forthright, like a perfectly-executed figure-eight. If you're thinking of writing such a letter yourself, you can hardly do better than to use it as inspiration. She agreed to let me share it with you. (Some details have been changed to protect her parents from any embarrassment.)<br />
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<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Dear Mom & Dad,</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">I want to tell you how much I love you both and don't want to hurt you. I realize that telling you I no longer want to be one of Jehovah's Witnesses came as a shock. Especially since it may seem like I dropped this bomb on you without warning. This wasn't a sudden or rash decision and I don't think there would ever have been the right time to tell you. Although I did not share these thoughts with you initially, it was not my intention to hide it from you, be dishonest or become a hypocrite or coward. In fact, the reason I held off telling you about my decision was because I needed to find the courage to share this truth that I knew would bring you pain. But now that the truth is out in the open, please let me explain the reasons and circumstances that led me to make this life altering decision.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Even though I believed that what we taught from the Bible and Watchtower publications was the "truth" for many years, I still had questions. At first, my questions were concerning my personal happiness and freedom. I didn't feel truly happy and free, and much of the time I was trying to convince myself that I was. I pressured myself to act happy because I knew it pleased you and others, which brought me some joy. But as you know people-pleasing doesn't bring lasting happiness. In time, my questions accumulated and I wasn't finding satisfying answers from the publications, the organization or the Bible.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Many times study, prayer and reading the Bible were enough to push my thoughts aside. Keeping busy in Witness life also helped sweep them under the rug. But when I started pioneering I had more opportunities to think about the organization and its core beliefs, see them in action and have them challenged. I realized that I don't actually believe what I'm saying at the door or to my Bible students. It was unnerving to admit that I couldn't teach people to love Jehovah if I'm unsure of his existence. Again, I would study, pray and read the Bible, but that didn't work. I just couldn't reconcile what I was being asked to believe and to teach others. This confliction led to much pain and I was deeply ashamed as I attributed this to a personal defect and weakness.</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">So I decided to do something different. I looked outside the organization for information. This led me further down a path of self discovery and realization. Of course, I didn't accept everything I found as true, but I experienced the freedom to compare viewpoints and explore ideas without fear and prejudice. The conclusion I was able to reach on my own was this: it is unethical for me to stay a Jehovah's Witness, if I do not believe their doctrine; and if for moral reasons, cannot support their organization. Therefore I </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; font-style: italic; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">can not </span><span style="color: black; font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; vertical-align: baseline; white-space: pre-wrap;">continue being one of Jehovah's Witnesses.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">You asked why I didn't talk to you both before about this. The answer is partially because it's so easy to squeeze myself into the mold of being one of Jehovah's Witnesses, taking the familiar path of least resistance, without thinking or questioning or using my power of reason. I didn't want to rock the boat and I was afraid of change. Another reason is because I wanted to draw my own conclusions without your influence. I needed to prove to myself what I believe. If what the Witnesses teach is God's truth, then it should stand up to my research without you or the elders’ influence. Keeping you both out of the loop helped me to make an honest evaluation of myself and know without a doubt that this is what I really think.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Looking back at all the fond memories over the years we served together as Witnesses will always warm my heart. I enjoyed spending time together as a family and helping people. A highlight was during the time we formed the [foreign-language] group, when we made lots of friends and ate too much. Conventions were always a fun time. Visiting Bethel was a delight. Going in service together drew us closer and helped us learn to work together as a family. Remembering how Dad would use me as an excuse to take a break out in service still cracks me up. Driving around in the car group and having a good laugh together will always be fond memories for me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">Now we are moving on to the next phase of our lives. Although I do strongly feel that we need some space and clear boundaries, I want us to still be a family. I will try my very best to show respect for your freedom to live your life as you see fit. But I expect you both to treat me with the same respect as I move on with my life as an adult and may make some decisions that you may not agree with.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">I am so grateful to have supportive parents like you. You both are very important to me and will continue to have a special place in my heart. Although our religious beliefs no longer match, I still hold on to the values that you both have taught me: love deeply, show you care about others, don't be selfish, don't be afraid to be different, don't wait to be asked to help someone, work hard, show respect, listen carefully, don't love money, be accountable to yourself and always tell the truth.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">I understand that my decision means change for all of us. But I strongly feel that this change will lead to my personal growth. I sincerely hope that our special relationship continues to grow and that we will continue spend time together as a family.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">I love you both with all my heart</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: Arial; font-size: 14.666666666666666px; line-height: 1.38; white-space: pre-wrap;">"Crystal"</span></div>
Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-87451928878555517882015-07-06T16:18:00.002-07:002015-07-06T16:35:59.790-07:00"What Is True Love?" In Emoji!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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This year's Watchtower convention saw the release of a new summer blockbuster <strike>romantic comedy</strike> brainwashing video for young people, called "What is True Love?" What's so great about this hot new hit that's got JW youths everywhere talking? The back of the DVD box reads:<br />
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<i>Best friends Liz and Megan are both searching for true love, but each one pursures a very different path to find it. </i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i>What are the consequences of their decisions? Will they learn the ultimate key to true love and happiness?</i><br />
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[There's even a snazzy tagline:]<br />
<b><i>We all make choices; </i></b><br />
<b><i>some last a lifetime. </i></b><br />
<br />
[You know there's something seriously messed up with a religion when it uses a semicolon in a tagline.]<br />
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Anyway, for those of you who have neither the stomach nor the patience to sit through the whole thing, a friend of mine who is a regular pioneer in the Portland area has lovingly rendered "What is True Love?" in a format kids will enjoy. Word is out on whether the MEPS system can do anything with it.<br />
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With warm love and Christian greetings, I present a new translation of this fine spiritual provision... into Emoji! <cue applause=""></cue><br />
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<img alt="😇" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f607" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f607" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /> Liz, pioneer<br />
<img alt="👧" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f467" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f467" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" />Megan, inactive<br />
<img alt="👦" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f466" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f466" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" />Zach, unbaptized<br />
<img alt="👨" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f468" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f468" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" />John, reaching out bro</div>
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<img alt="💼" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4bc" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4bc" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="🚪" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f6aa" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f6aa" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /> <img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /> Matt. 24:14</div>
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<img alt="😇" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f607" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f607" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👧" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f467" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f467" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" />bff</div>
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<img alt="😇" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f607" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f607" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="💜" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f49c" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f49c" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👦" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f466" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f466" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><br />
<img alt="👵" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f475" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f475" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👴" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f474" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f474" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="🚫" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f6ab" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f6ab" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="⛪" class="CToWUd" goomoji="26ea" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/26ea" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👎" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f44e" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f44e" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><br />
<img alt="💔" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f494" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f494" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<img alt="😇" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f607" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f607" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /> <img alt="💼" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4bc" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4bc" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="🚪" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f6aa" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f6aa" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /> <img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<img alt="👧" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f467" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f467" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="💜" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f49c" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f49c" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👦" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f466" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f466" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><br />
<img alt="💍" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f48d" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f48d" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👰" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f470" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f470" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="💐" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f490" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f490" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><br />
<img alt="✈" class="CToWUd" goomoji="2708" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/2708" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><br />
<img alt="💵" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4b5" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4b5" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="🏡" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f3e1" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f3e1" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><br />
<img alt="💏" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f48f" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f48f" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><br />
𘐽<br />
<img alt="👧" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f467" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f467" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👦" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f466" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f466" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="🚫" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f6ab" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f6ab" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="💔" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f494" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f494" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="😣" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f623" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f623" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<img alt="😇" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f607" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f607" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /> <img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="☺" class="CToWUd" goomoji="263a" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/263a" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><br />
<img alt="👨" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f468" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f468" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /> <img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="☺" class="CToWUd" goomoji="263a" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/263a" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<img alt="😇" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f607" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f607" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="💜" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f49c" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f49c" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /> <img alt="💼" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4bc" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4bc" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="🚪" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f6aa" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f6aa" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<img alt="😇" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f607" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f607" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="💜" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f49c" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f49c" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /> <img alt="👨" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f468" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f468" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="⛪" class="CToWUd" goomoji="26ea" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/26ea" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👍" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f44d" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f44d" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><br />
<img alt="💍" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f48d" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f48d" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👰" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f470" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f470" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /> <img alt="💐" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f490" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f490" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><br />
<img alt="💸" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4b8" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4b8" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><br />
<img alt="💼" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4bc" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4bc" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="🚪" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f6aa" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f6aa" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /> <img alt="💜" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f49c" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f49c" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="💜" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f49c" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f49c" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="💜" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f49c" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f49c" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="💜" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f49c" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f49c" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="💜" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f49c" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f49c" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><br />
<img alt="😆" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f606" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f606" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<img alt="😇" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f607" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f607" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👨" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f468" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f468" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<img alt="👨" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f468" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f468" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👧" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f467" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f467" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="🚫" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f6ab" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f6ab" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="🚫" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f6ab" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f6ab" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="🚫" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f6ab" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f6ab" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="🚫" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f6ab" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f6ab" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<img alt="👨" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f468" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f468" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="😇" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f607" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f607" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" />✉<img alt="💛" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f49b" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f49b" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👧" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f467" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f467" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👦" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f466" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f466" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<img alt="👦" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f466" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f466" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👧" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f467" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f467" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="💜" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f49c" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f49c" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><br />
<img alt="👦" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f466" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f466" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👧" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f467" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f467" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /> <img alt="💼" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4bc" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4bc" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="🚪" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f6aa" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f6aa" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<img alt="👨" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f468" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f468" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="😇" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f607" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f607" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👧" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f467" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f467" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👦" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f466" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f466" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="💜" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f49c" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f49c" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="☺" class="CToWUd" goomoji="263a" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/263a" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="💜" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f49c" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f49c" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="☺" class="CToWUd" goomoji="263a" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/263a" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="💜" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f49c" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f49c" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="☺" class="CToWUd" goomoji="263a" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/263a" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /></div>
<div dir="ltr" style="color: #222222; font-family: arial, sans-serif; font-size: 13px;">
<img alt="😇" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f607" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f607" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="👨" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f468" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f468" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /> bske <img alt="✈" class="CToWUd" goomoji="2708" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/2708" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="📖" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f4d6" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f4d6" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /><img alt="🌍" class="CToWUd" goomoji="1f30d" src="https://mail.google.com/mail/e/1f30d" style="margin: 0px 0.2ex; max-height: 24px; vertical-align: middle;" /></div>
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<br />Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-8396902241623407332015-06-02T18:34:00.000-07:002018-04-16T12:11:29.901-07:00Through the Looking-Glass: On the Road to Your Ex-Witness Afterlife<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3gi3Ko8LQ4wecnBrCGT-il9uJlGY1xogQ762Tiww3fzffNNcRFmIUnVpjek_7v38g68wiCKD4LCzXhs6FDIkalqc1d3Vl8CWVKZvlct0t8LoUJiRjaoGs6JH7zZbb3K4KHitqXAQPEj3p/s1600/Screen+Shot+2015-06-02+at+3.52.23+PM.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi3gi3Ko8LQ4wecnBrCGT-il9uJlGY1xogQ762Tiww3fzffNNcRFmIUnVpjek_7v38g68wiCKD4LCzXhs6FDIkalqc1d3Vl8CWVKZvlct0t8LoUJiRjaoGs6JH7zZbb3K4KHitqXAQPEj3p/s400/Screen+Shot+2015-06-02+at+3.52.23+PM.png" width="400" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"> Photography by Elena Kalis. <a href="http://www.elenakalisphoto.com/alice/" target="_blank">See more of her stunning work</a>.</span></b></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
When Lewis Carroll’s Alice passed through the looking-glass,
she found herself in a world of opposites, where reverse-written poems and
unseasonal weather were a new normal. For me, leaving the Jehovah’s Witnesses
was also a trip into an antipodal world where terms like “freedom” “morality” and “critical thinking” took on values opposite to what I held
before. (And where words like "bondage," “submission” and “discipline” took on a whole 'nother meaning.) (Does that make me “worldly?”)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-align: center;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="text-align: center;">I sometimes joke that the entire Bible can be flipped and
retrofitted to accommodate my new perspective. As in:</span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Will I ever try to get
reinstated?</i> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
No, that would be like “a dog returning to its vomit.” Besides,
why would I turn “back again to the weak and beggarly elementary things and
want to slave for them over again?” <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Being a Witness served
its purpose for a while, but then I moved on:</i> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“When I was a child, I used
to speak as a child, to think as a child, to reason as a child; but now that I
have become a man, I have done away with the traits of a child.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Fun, isn’t it? Here’s another:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Why do I write this
blog? I consider it my duty to help others escape the cult:</i> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Get out of
her, my people, if you do not want to share with her in her sins, and if you do
not want to receive part of her plagues [including a sexless, uneducated,
ignorant, hypocritical life.] For her sins have massed together clear up to
heaven, and God has called her acts of injustice to mind.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Okay, one more:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Is it possible to find
true friends outside the Organization? </i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
“Even if my own father and mother
abandon me, Jehovah himself will take me in.” “There is no one who has left
house or wife or brothers or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of
God who will not in any way get many times more.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">I’ve
found this to be true—and I’m an atheist!</i><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Once you start, it’s hard to stop.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>Elena Kalis</b></span></div>
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I can’t think of a more fitting corollary to the Jewish
Sanhedrin than the Governing Body. If the elders aren’t modern-day scribes and
Pharisees, they aren’t doing their job. And that guy who was thrown out of the
synagogue after Jesus restored his sight? He’s you, me and anybody else labeled
“apostate.”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If you want, you can go a lot further into this looking-glass. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
After getting away from Watchtower indoctrination, other
scriptures speak to me in a new (<span style="mso-bidi-font-weight: bold;">cough,
cough)</span> light. Jesus, if the Bible is to be believed, often spoke about the
Kingdom in an abstract sense. And many Bible commentators agree that the one he talked about had a spiritual meaning: it’s a state of grace—a
metaphor for the realm of Truth—akin to what other traditions call ultimate reality or Nirvana.
The idea of a literal theocracy makes me queasy (thanks, ISIS), but seeing the Kingdom as a
metaphor for truth and authenticity? Yes, please. <o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
Riffing on the saying "do what you love and the money will follow," Jesus said, "Seek continually the kingdom, and all these other things will be added to you." <br />
<br />
The pursuit of truth and reality is a huge undertaking, and it often runs against our most ingrained instincts. I spent years avoiding the fact that Jehovah's Witnessism isn't for me, and that my marriage was stillborn. I couldn't tolerate those realities, so I rejected them—hurting myself and others around me. It's like Alfred Hitchcock once said: "Reality is something none of us can stand at any time." That's why it's so much easier to check out with drugs, drinking, TV, games, whatever. Truth-seeking is a real commitment. Many are called, but few are chosen.<br />
<br />
When Jesus compared the Kingdom to a seed-sower in Matthew 13, the parable resonates with me as metaphor for the difficulty of pursuing truth, whatever the cost. It's a universal, religion-agnostic lesson. Reflecting on it reminds me that my impulses to seek spiritual truth as a Witness were part of my better nature, and that I need to continue to cultivate those habits now. It's a bit more challenging, because I don't have a pre-baked curriculum laid out for me. I have to go it on my own. I'm a truth hacker. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Thus, when I left the Witnesses, I didn’t stray from any "path of righteousness," but continued on it: I pursued Truth then, and I
still do. I’m still on the road to life. And I hope to keep doing that until I die.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
At least, that's one way of looking at it. Seeing things this way helps me to integrate my Witness life
into my current one—and it prepares me for whatever new experiences are next. It
keeps me from beating myself up too much for not knowing better, or for not
leaving sooner. Witness life was a mirage. As the final lines of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Looking-Glass</i> ask: “Life, what is it but
a dream?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Elena Kalis</span></b></div>
Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-74136574230391012612014-01-20T11:16:00.000-08:002014-01-20T13:20:08.641-08:00Making friends in a post-Witness life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
</div>
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<br />
By Joel Gunz<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
After ten years of hanging out with other ex-Jehovah’s
Witnesses, I’ve concluded that not a single one of us has discovered a short
cut to healing from the wounds of indoctrination and abuse. One issue that comes
up for me again and again is: trust. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I spent 35 years pretending to be someone I wasn’t. As a
kid, it wasn’t safe to reveal my inner secrets, questions, doubts and longings
to my own parents. Later, when I would take a risk and share a dark and
precious part of my soul with another person, I was usually judged to some
degree. As a result, few people got to know the real me, and when I was
disfellowshipped and “went apostate,” lots of people were shocked. I can
understand why some of my friends felt betrayed. My then-teenage son took it
very hard. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, the biggest irony is that this religion is filled
with people just like me. Whether they're concealing a secret “sin” (porn, pot smoking, being
gay, drinking) or privately-held doubts about the Bible or Watchtower doctrine, or unspoken misgivings
about sacrificing their dreams for a life of theocratic devotion, many, if not
most, Jehovah’s Witnesses present an as-if image of themselves to the
congregation that’s quite removed from their authentic selves. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What do you do with a culture like that? Picture it: a
Kingdom Hall auditorium filled with people smiling and making nice and calling
each other “brother”—faking their way through it all. A roomful of devotees who
have practically nothing in common with each other except a shared set of
religious doctrines that they secretly might not even believe. I can’t imagine
a lonelier community. (Can we even call it that?) Too often, Witness
relationships—from mere acquaintances to marriage partners—are rooted in the
geometry of physical contiguousness and not much more. Yet, if you’ve been
raised a Witness, this is your only frame of reference for companionship. If
you were like me, you couldn’t tell the difference between post-meeting fellowship and a game of Blind Man’s Buff.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
While I did have some
very good friends, the climate of judgmentalism and the specter of judicial
discipline kept us emotionally distant. More tellingly, some of those I knew I could
trust with my most personal secrets ended up leaving the religion and we've been able to reconnect.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I left, I had learn to how to trust. I’m still learning it,
slowly and with difficulty. At first, not knowing how to build these bridges, I used to overshare with newer acquaintances. Like, I'd dish about my Witness past and the indignities of disfellowshipping—over beer with coworkers,
or while on a first date. More often, I don’t share enough of my feelings with
people who deserve such vulnerability, such as with my intimate friends. Sometimes
I assume the worst about another’s intentions when there’s no real reason to do
so. At other times, after offering my trust, it’s been betrayed and that’s been
very painful. Theocratic culture didn’t exactly give me the tools I need figure out who I can trust. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And when it comes to love—romantic and otherwise—that’s a whole
other ball game.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In the Orwellian world of Jehovah’s Witnessdom, love is
conditional and can be revoked at any time for any number of transgressions.
Thus, early on, I was taught not to depend on it. On the other hand, hateful
acts from Armageddon to disfellowshipping are given a newspeak makeover and described
as expressions of “God’s love.” For over three decades, I offered up my love to a non-existent god and an organization that used it without fully reciprocating—I gave more than I got. That's why, for me, love can be a suspect,
confusing emotion associated with mistrust and even terror. I don't know about you, but this gets to the core of my relationship challenges. For me, the hardest
words to say are: “I Love You.”<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8467637497650166727#_edn1" name="_ednref1" style="mso-endnote-id: edn1;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Cambria;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">[1]</span></span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So it can be difficult for me to make real friends. I don’t think
I’m alone in this. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The other night I met up with an old friend I’ll call Coco,
who’s faded from her congregation. In a dive bar where she felt sure she
wouldn’t be seen by another Witness having drinks with me, we got to talking
about the challenges of making friends in a post-Witness life. She said:</div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
“The Witness environment creates artificial, ready-made
relationships based on the fact that everyone is in the same religion. Shared
interests are irrelevant—it’s just assumed you’ll be friends. But on the
outside, relationships are based on multiple compatibilities. It takes time
to develop, which can be puzzling and shocking to someone who is used to instant
friendships.” </blockquote>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>Granted, I—and Coco, for that matter—am fairly gregarious. As
a Witness, I found others who shared my interests, but it took a lot of work to
seek them out; day-to-day, my friendships were far more happenstance (and unfulfilling). And since
leaving the religion, I’ve become well acquainted with lots of great people. I
have a very active social life. But, for the above reasons, bridging that gap
to real intimacy and deeper friendship is difficult.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course, ex-Witnesses aren't alone in this. Cities have always been filled with lonely people. It seems,
however, that we have a few extra challenges. Like Coco told me, “Add
on top of that all the ingrained paranoia, and it’s damn lonely. I feel
socially retarded.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It can get better. But, at first, it might get worse. My
next post will talk about the adolescence of post-Witness life. Good times await!</div>
<div style="mso-element: endnote-list;">
<hr align="left" size="1" width="33%" />
<!--[endif]-->
<br />
<div id="edn1" style="mso-element: endnote;">
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="https://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=8467637497650166727#_ednref1" name="_edn1" style="mso-endnote-id: edn1;" title=""><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="mso-special-character: footnote;"><!--[if !supportFootnotes]--><span class="MsoEndnoteReference"><span style="font-family: Cambria; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-fareast-font-family: "MS 明朝"; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-fareast; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">[1]</span></span><!--[endif]--></span></span></a> To
be fair, not all the blame for my trust issues can be laid at the feet of the
Jehovah’s Witnesses. My mother and stepfather also did their part, too. But
then, that said, I’ve observed that dysfunctional families are often attracted
to high-control and fundamentalist religions, as if a narcissistic god is, for
them, a kindred spirit.</div>
</div>
</div>
Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-53955955080466098222013-07-04T06:52:00.005-07:002022-10-20T18:41:53.927-07:00The Gift of Disfellowshipping: Your Story<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<br />
By Joel Gunz<br />
<br />
For the most part, I like my neighbors. They're educated and street smart, with little patience for woolly-headed fundamentalism. Whereas, in suburban neighborhoods, Jehovah’s Witnesses face apathy, here they're likely to be scoffed at—or, worse, patronized. Not surprisingly, even though the Northwest District is Portland’s most densely-populated neighborhood, a congregation was never established here.<br />
<br />
And so when, the other day, I saw a fresh-scrubbed, white, preppie couple working my street who were obviously counting the days—no, the pioneer <i>hours</i>—until they got their call from Bethel or Gilead, I had to stop and look. As soon as I saw them, my face lit up and I gave them a big fat Witnessy smile, because goddammit, I’m going to love them even if they don’t love me. Strangely, they hardly made eye contact. (I doubt they recognized me.) Where I should have seen a smile, there was instead fear, shame and lack of conviction, the slump of their shoulders betraying the knowledge buried away somewhere in their young brains that they were trapped in a cult that was coercing them to waste their lives on a false hope. I could see in them what I had spent so many years refusing to see in myself.<br />
<br />
In that moment, I was so glad to be out of the Witnesses that I felt the need to thank someone. As an atheist, I can’t thank God, so I did the next best thing: I silently thanked my judicial committee. Because however cruel and capricious disfellowshipping is, it’s also a gift.<br />
<br />
As all Jehovah’s Witnesses know, members who’ve committed a serious sin are obligated to confess to a judicial committee made up of three elders. From everything I’ve seen and heard, that secretive tribunal is usually comprised of one “good cop,” one “bad cop” and one guy who doesn’t know what I’m talking about. In my case, the supposed good cop was mild-mannered Jerome Peterson and the bad cop was Mt. Tabor Park Congregation’s presiding overseer, Jeff Peterson (no relation), who got his kicks by being the biggest bully on the elder body. The third, clueless, elder was a maintenance worker named Steve Palmer, whose Men’s Wearhouse credit card apparently expired in 1977.<br />
<br />
I had gone into this judicial committee meeting to make a confession and get help for some problems. But from the moment I walked into that Kingdom Hall library, Jeff was on one mission: to disfellowship (but first, to humiliate) me. Over the course of about 90 verbally abusive minutes, he put words in my mouth I never said; offered false, hearsay testimony about me; and imputed heart motives that he, as a non-omniscient human, had no way of knowing. It was a kangaroo court.<br />
<br />
Later, as I was trying to get reinstated, he told me to stop coming back to meetings at Mt. Tabor Park, because my then-wife and kids were there, and my presence “disrupted the peace at the meetings.” He said that if I ever hoped to be reinstated, I’d have to go to another congregation—i.e., one without my kids in it. (He also said that with a new congregation I’d get a new judicial committee, which at that point was fine with me. However, later, after I moved, he retained judicial authority and made it clear that I would not be getting reinstated any time soon. In terms of rejoining the congregation, I was fucked.)*<br />
<br />
I was unfairly—and unscripturally—drummed out of the congregation. It was painful and I’d be lying if I said it didn’t bug me sometimes even now. But I’m also thankful. I didn’t have the courage or self-awareness to leave the Witnesses on my own and the disfellowhipping did for me what I couldn’t do for myself. Whatever faults these men have and however unchristian their attitude toward me was, they were also crucial in giving me my freedom. Their despicable treatment helped me see that Jehovah’s Witnessism is both wrong and wrong-headed. So let me say it:<br />
<br />
<i>Thank you, Jeff, Jerome and Steve, for giving me my freedom from the cult of Jehovah’s Witnesses! </i><br />
<br />
For most of us who no longer believe Witness doctrine, there’s no going back and there’s no middle ground. We can only leave it all behind and go forward. In this sense, we are like other displaced people such as political exiles and refugees who’ve been forced leave their home and history to create a new identity for themselves in a strange, new land. Scary? Yes. But it has its advantages, too.<br />
<br />
<b>Disfellowshipping: a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity</b><br />
Regardless of how meritocratic we think America is, the fact is that our family history, skin color, accent, school district, home town, fashion sense, knowledge of what it takes to get a date for the prom and more all have a bearing on our prospects for success. Throw in the narrow constraints of Jehovah’s Witnessism and the options are cripplingly limited. As a consequence, when I left the Witnesses, I was lacking some essential tools for survival. My dating life can still resemble wholesome courtship—much to the chagrin of my sex life. But disfellowshipping also lays the groundwork for a beautiful paradigm shift: when that religious control is removed, the world can open up for us in ways that we might never have considered before.<br />
<br />
Disfellowshipping hands us a blank slate that many other people, trapped in their lives of quiet desperation, only dream of having. It’s a Don Draper-like chance to create a whole new identity for ourselves. (Of course, there are traps. If we choose a path of constant reinvention for its own sake, or constantly seek out what Abraham Maslow called “peak experiences,” we’ll probably fall short of our human potential.) The gift of disfellowshipping is the opportunity to write our own story; it follows that such a story ought to have a strong narrative voice.<br />
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That’s how Richard Sennett sees it. Writing in <a href="http://www.iasc-culture.org/THR/THR_article_2011_Summer_Sennett.php" target="_blank">The Hedgehog Review</a>, he suggested that the revival of “an old humanist ideal might help [displaced individuals] [like, you know, ex-Jehovah’s Witnesses] give shape to their lives.” He argues that the humanist project—the study and development of the unique agency we enjoy as human animals—can find special expression in the lives of the displaced. Paraphrasing Renaissance humanist philosophers like Pico “Man is his own Maker” della Mirandola, Sennet writes:<br />
<br />
“Born indeterminate, [Pico] says, human beings have to find unity in their lives; a person must make him or herself coherent…. Can the events and accidents of life add up to a coherent story? That is every migrant’s question. And since these events and accidents are beyond an uprooted person’s control, the unity of a life-story has to reside in the person telling it; unity, we would say, lies in the quality of the narrator’s voice. The narrator, following Pico’s precept, must learn how to tell about disorder and displacement in his or her own life in such a way that he or she does not become confused or deranged by the telling.”<br />
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If we were raised in the religion, becoming a Witness was really not a choice for us; it was a foregone conclusion. Further, for many of us, the circumstances under which we left weren’t much of a choice, either. If at times we've felt “tossed about like sheep without a shepherd,” that’s why. Fortunately, we’re not alone. Let’s face it: in the 21st century, every meaningful relationship, from employment to Web-mediated social networks to marriage is ad hoc and provisional. For instance, gone are the days when you could expect to go work for one company for 35 and then retire.** How does this affect people? Sennet writes:<br />
<br />
“My studies of workers—both manual and white-collar—have led me to the conclusion that they are profoundly unhappy simply to narrate these erratic shifts as their own life stories…. [P]eople become confused, if not depressed, about what they should do.”<br />
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In this area, I actually see ex-JWs as making a unique contribution to postmodern society.<br />
<br />
When we lost our faith and left the religion, we left behind friends, family, a social network and more. We forfeited our past, along with our (presumed) future. Where once our lives had “meaning” and “purpose” (defined by Watchtower values and doctrine) there’s now a void. While it’s painful, such trauma can also be a powerful inoculation against the volatility and vicissitudes of modern living. Losing a job sucks, but compared to disfellowshipping? Tolerable. Many of us are now agnostics or straight-up atheists, and this suggests that we’re comfortable with, or at least able to tolerate, the anxiety of not-knowing. That’s a good skill to have these days.<br />
<br />
Our chances of healing from our religious abuse are greatly improved by two conditions: one, that we find meaning in our disfellowshipping that goes beyond its hypocritical message that we’re “unrepentant sinners” and, two, that we see a purpose for it that transcends the Governing Body’s inconsistently applied mission to “keep the congregation clean.”<br />
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If we’re going to take advantage of the do-over that disfellowshipping gives us, we need to integrate our Witness experience into the narrative of our lives as just one chapter in an unfolding life story. This entails the paradoxical act of both distancing ourselves from our Witness experience and leaning closer to it. In practice, this could mean putting the past to rest, even as the wounds—and valuable life-lessons, there were those too!—remain with us as part of our life story.<br />
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<b>What’s your Why?</b><br />
Whether we realize it or not, every single person’s life has a coherent narrative. Everybody follows a very specific train of thought. The problem is, most people don’t take the time to figure out what it is. All we have to do is ask one simple question: Why?<br />
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Why do I do the things I do? Why do I love the people I love? Why do my passions and interests go in this direction and not that one? Why was I a Jehovah’s Witness for as long as I was? When we ask these questions—and keep asking, until we grok the Big Why—we'll start to perceive the outline and then the details of our life’s narrative. <i>We find our story. </i><br />
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I believe that such story-questing is not only helpful but maybe even necessary, because if we don’t take control of our story, others will. Circumstances have a way of doing that. And if you’ve left the religion, you know that that Witnesses are already writing a rather unflattering, at best half-true story about you, and as impervious as we might claim to be to it, their storytelling can affect us, because we might either conform to it or live in opposition to it. Either way, it’s exerting some control over us. As Nigerian author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie put it in her 2009 TED talk, <a href="http://www.ted.com/playlists/62/how_to_tell_a_story.html" target="_blank">“The Danger of a Single Story”</a>: <br />
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“Stories have been used to dispossess and to malign, but stories can also be used to empower and to humanize. Stories can break the dignity of a people, but stories can also repair that broken dignity.”<br />
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My own purpose recently come into clearer focus as I reflected on the path my life has taken during my Witness years up til now. It has become evident that two principles drive me to do the things I love, which includes developing businesses, writing this blog, pursuing my career and making art with words, paint and music. They also drive my <a href="http://www.alfredhitchcockgeek.com/" target="_blank">Hitchcock geekery</a>. They are:<br />
<ol>
<li>I want to make a contribution to the world that helps people live more connected, authentic lives.</li>
<li>I want to leave something behind that will nourish the next generation. </li>
</ol>
As long as I’m serving these values, I’m productive, fulfilled and happy. When I lose track of them, I get weird. If they sound fifty per cent too lofty, that's by design. They prevent me from being a jerk.<br />
<br />
These value-drives have been with me from the beginning. They impelled me to go to Bethel, to pioneer and to serve in the congregation. In fact, one of the reasons I remained in the Witnesses for as long as I did was because it was my only real outlet for expressing that will. And when I left, I took those intentions with me.<br />
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It took years of counseling, therapy, soul searching and numerous confrontations with reality to gain a certain level of self-awareness, and obviously there is, as the Nike ads say, no finish line. But, I’d like to share one chapter from my story that shows how these values form a single narrative line that connects my former Witness life with the one I enjoy now.<br />
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As mentioned, I was what Witnesses would call a “theocratic man,” thoroughly dedicated to the Watchtower cause. After I lost my faith, I floated around for a year or two. Then I went to a Trailblazers game in an arena not unlike the ones I used to attend for District Conventions. For the first time, I joined the crowd to stand for the national anthem—just as I used to stand to sing Kingdom Songs. Suddenly, I realized what had been inside me, repressed, all along: I love my country. This was an unexpected epiphany. The thought overwhelmed me. I may have shed a tear. The United States may or may not be the best nation in the world, but in that moment, I realized that <i>this is my country, my homeland, and I love it</i>. Out of that came further awareness that I want to serve my country in the same way I once helped the Watchtower theocracy. I withdrew my allegiances that had been held in escrow after leaving the Witnesses and invested them in America.<br />
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How did that play out? I’ve always loved the crossroads where creativity and commerce meet. I may not be the next Richard Branson, but I’m a reasonably creative person with a good head for strategy. Because of that, I’ve helped quite a few companies improve their competitiveness; if they just serve the local market, this ripples out to our nation’s global competitive edge; if they’re a national brand, well, there you go. In this way, I’m serving my country. Paychecks aside, I really don’t lose sight of this value of my work.<br />
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Two years ago, I co-founded an alternative pain management clinic and from a $10,000 investment was able to build it into a $300,000+ business in its first calendar year. That’s a nice start, and though I haven’t seen any substantial payoff from it yet, the real satisfaction has come from seeing patients get their lives back and return to being engaged mothers, fathers and grandparents. I’d like to think this has had a positive impact on families in our community, which is to say our region, which is to say our country, which is to say the world.***<br />
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Obviously, our life-narrative is a work in progress. My own story arc is hardly linear: it’s more like the path of a pinball and if you’re a friend of mine, you know what a mess some parts of my life are. Well, that’s okay. My life story makes sense to <i>me</i> and that’s what matters. We can plan our lives all we want, but actual results may vary. As Steve Jobs famously put it in his <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UF8uR6Z6KLc" target="_blank">2005 Stanford commencement speech</a>:<br />
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“You can’t connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards. So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something—your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. Because believing that the dots will connect down the road will give you the confidence to follow your heart even when it leads you off the well worn path; and that will make all the difference.”<br />
<br />Look, I've spent too many hours and gallons of beer bemoaning the wasted years I spent in the religion. I still do that sometimes. I've also tried reorienting my thinking around the idea that I left the Witnesses at exactly the right moment, right on time, down to the minute. I like that much better. Starting there, I've been able to construct a narrative that imparts meaning and purpose to my experience, giving me a compass for the future.<br />
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I personally believe that if you’ve ever stood for the closing song at a District Convention and wiped a tear away because your heart was bending toward the desire for a better world; or, perhaps, while talking with one of your “brothers with special needs” after the meeting, you were re-imagining him with a healthy mind and body, then you have a unique gift to offer this world. It was with the best possible intentions that we got dressed up for the meetings and dragged ourselves out of bed to go out in service. That wasn’t a waste of time. It was a practice run, a rehearsal for something better, in a new chapter.<br />
<br />How's your story coming along?<br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">*Thanks to dwindling numbers, Mt. Tabor Park Congregation was disbanded a couple years ago. I'm pretty sure this had something to do with Jeff Peterson’s assholery. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">**What strikes me right now is not that the Supreme Court recently paved the way for gays to get married when they struck down the Defense of Marriage Act, but that it tacitly acknowledged that our culture has refashioned the definition of marriage away from its centuries-old connotation as a lifelong spiritual commitment toward a vision of it as a purely secular contract.</span><div><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></div><div><span style="font-size: x-small;">***<i>Update</i> Sadly, the business has since folded. I never took home much money, but the lives touched and memories made endures, as does the satisfaction of having done a few good things.</span></div>Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-88413932737644717312013-06-11T23:39:00.000-07:002018-04-16T14:58:19.238-07:00So you want to help someone get out of the Jehovah's Witnesses? <div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii4l3LClxt4vEcL_vHKGhpGAJqfIaRHomtpHus6UyaH4j7389z3PNWePBLZQXyQnAyEdq_feaMPdDgPalPB5VhGjnSHKYVn0qMTzXdxOp1JJSW6M-5xB3DTFRZzAhbSDbDNWH95aRcT4WC/s1600/LOVE-HANDS.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEii4l3LClxt4vEcL_vHKGhpGAJqfIaRHomtpHus6UyaH4j7389z3PNWePBLZQXyQnAyEdq_feaMPdDgPalPB5VhGjnSHKYVn0qMTzXdxOp1JJSW6M-5xB3DTFRZzAhbSDbDNWH95aRcT4WC/s640/LOVE-HANDS.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<i style="font-family: 'Trebuchet MS', sans-serif;">By Joel Gunz</i><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><i>"I am married to a JW and started having a Bible study with an elder. After realizing that being a JW is not for me, I am trying to find ways to show my wife that her way is not the right way. Please help in any way you can."</i></span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">—Anonymous</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Ex-Jehovah's Witness chat rooms and discussion boards are loaded with comments like this. So is my email inbox, which is where I found this call for help. If you'd like a few tips to help you get someone out of the Witnesses (or any other high-control religious group, for that matter), read on. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
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<h3>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Tip #1: Fuggeddabout arguing</b></span></h3>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">
You've probably already figured this out, but all the reasoning and scientific facts in the world won't get a Witness to budge from any belief. In fact, it usually convinces them further that they have "the Truth." So I suggest not doing that. When someone's ready to listen to the other side of the story, Google will be there.</span><br />
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<h3>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Tip #2: Check your assumptions at the door</b></span></h3>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Is it really your place to decide that the Witness path isn't right for your companion? As messed-up as the Witnesses are, people join for very personal reasons. That choice must be respected. For all you or I know (or have any business knowing), the best possible life <i>for that person </i>can only be found in a Kingdom Hall. I firmly believe that some people need the control and structure that the Witness religion provides (*cough* my ex-wife *cough*). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">To believe otherwise could lead to the same trap of religious arrogance that Witnesses are caught in. Last summer, I had the opportunity to speak to a church group about how to preach to Jehovah's Witnesses; the hostility to others' faiths and rigid thinking that I observed in this group convinced me that they weren't doing anybody any favors by proselytizing to Jehovah's Witnesses.</span><br />
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<br />
<h3>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Tip #3: Bite your tongue and listen</b></span></h3>
<br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that your friend or relative is probably talking your ear off about the Witnesses. You might be bored, if not fed up with all the talk. For that reason, Listening</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> might be the most difficult part of helping someone leave the cult. But it's so important: DON'T! EVER! STOP! LISTENING!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">And I mean to listen with your heart. I can't stress this too strongly. You may be your dear companion's only lifeline out of the cult, and that line is connected to your ears, not your mouth. Here's why:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">People usually join the Jehovah's Witnesses out of loneliness—a feeling that they aren't being "seen" in the world. The religion makes them feel like they matter, that they're "somebody." During the indoctrination period when they hold their one-on-one Bible studies, the teacher will spend a lot of the time listening to their story, and their responses to study questions. That feeling of being seen by a fellow human (who also appears to have their act together) is POWERFUL. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So listen to what they say. Find points of agreement. Sit in on their studies. Don't fight their path, lean into it. Then, you'll find out the real reasons why they're doing it in the first place. It's usually a cry for help. Are you hearing it?</span><br />
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<h3>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><b>Tip #4, a.k.a. the main point here: Try a little love</b> </span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">
When I was a Witness, I'd hear about people who married "out of the truth"</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">—a seemingly horrible, possibly fatal, decision.</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"> Their reasons? They'd usually say: "He shows me more love than most Witnesses." Ha! Therein lies the key. To illustrate:</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />
After I was disfellowshipped, I tried for over a year to get reinstated. During that time, I found other people to hang out with, even as I continued to identify as a Witness. On numerous occasions they showed me love in ways I'd never before experienced. Yes, I was helped in material ways at times—on at least two occasions I would have gone homeless were it not for people reaching out a helping hand—but it was the small things that touched me most often: the phone calls just to see how I was doing; the comments they made that showed they were listening, really listening, to what I had to say; the loving assurance that I could make my own choices and not be judged; the patience with me as I continued to spout off self-righteous Witness propaganda at inappropriate times.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />
Love offered freely, without being predicated on my "good standing" or worth in the community, was a novel concept. And it accomplished what all the debates and logic couldn't—it helped me see Jehovah's Witnessism as just another religion.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />
Their publications state repeatedly that "the most outstanding mark of true Christians is that they have real love among themselves,"* the pointed implication being that they bear that "most outstanding mark." That's an extraordinary claim. Do they have extraordinary evidence to back it up? No. Sure, there's love among the Witnesses. But not to a degree higher than in any other church.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />
I had to see, feel and experience unconditional love for myself, over a period of time, before I finally "got it." And when I did, it was one of the most profound moments in my life. This realization was as transformational as a born-again experience. (Except that I was "born" into doubt and atheism. Which is fine. As far as I can tell, spiritual experiences are about as discriminating as crack whores.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />
There's a gaping disconnect between the Witnesses' claim of having "real love among themselves" and the reality of life in their community. Get any Witness elder drinking and he'll tell you candidly: many Witnesses suffer from loneliness and depression because their social needs aren't being met (sorry, those formalistic charades at their weekly meetings just don't cut it); if they're lucky, they might get invited to "gatherings" once in a while, but day in and day out, Witness life is as blah and purgatorial as the interior of their Kingdom Halls (unless you're a pioneer or an elder, but then the drabness comes in other forms). </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Their lack of true love is the Witnesses' biggest weakness</span><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">—and our biggest opportunity to step in and do some good. Ironic as it is, maybe that's the way it should be. After all, helping someone out of a harmful situation is, by definition, a loving thing to do.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />
If you want to help someone escape the Witnesses, I suggest showing that same love. Show her or him every day that the Witnesses are not the only ones who have "real love among themselves." Make love on their religion, not war.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br />
The more love you can show Witnesses, the more likely they'll be to start questioning what they've been forced to believe. With luck, and assuming they really have honest motives, they'll find their own way out.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">------------</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">*"What Does God Require of Us?," published by the Watchtower Society</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-14327714454019528672013-02-19T14:54:00.004-08:002018-04-16T15:11:37.533-07:00Frying pan, meet fire: recovery in a post-Jehovah's Witness life<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">Photo credit: Allison Achauer </span></b></div>
<br />
By Joel Gunz<br />
<br />
Let's be honest. None of us were disfellowshipped from the Jehovah's Witnesses because we were perfect in every way. Whether the judicial action was right or wrong, just or unjust, it's a safe bet that we'd committed some kind of "sin" that we swore on the dotted line we'd never commit. For some of us, that "sin" might have been part of a deeper addiction. If so, then it's also possible that we sought help through a recovery program. I know I did. I found that, as a former Witness, my relationship to 12-Step programs and therapy to be a complicated and evolving process.<br />
<br />
First off, I believe that all of us are addicted to something, no exceptions. Whether it's cocaine, exercise, coffee, meth, or comic books, we all have what we euphemistically call our "vices." How many Witnesses struggle with alcohol, overeating, TV watching or Internet use? Though she would never admit it, my mother (a pioneer and elder's wife) is an alcoholic. And how many might actually addicted to the religion itself?<br />
<br />
I think the addictions we fall into say a lot about us. Alcoholism is often associated with external frustrations, e.g.: "my partner/job/neighbor drives me to drink." Conversely, sex addictions often revolve around internalized issues, e.g.: “I'm not good/beautiful/worthy/desirable/spiritual enough.” Less destructive addictions—TV watching, shopping, Internet surfing—also speak volumes about the architecture of our psyche. For that reason, I agree with psychologist David Bedrick, who wrote in a <a href="http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/is-psychology-making-us-sick/201302/addicted-denial-the-truth-about-addicts-and-addiction" target="_blank">Psychology Today blog post</a> that “people use substances for hundreds of different individual, almost idiosyncratic, reasons.”<br />
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The 12-Step program of Alcoholics Anonymous is arguably the best alcohol treatment program yet devised for mass consumption. But it seems to work only for a specific type of alcoholic: the person who has reached a desperate "rock bottom" condition, possibly accompanied by homelessness, job loss, divorce, etc., because only then, it is assumed, will one finally be willing to engage in the total surrender to a higher power it takes to overcome his or her addiction. In fact, AA literature sees alcoholism, not as a problem of willpower, but as a disease of the Will itself. And until you've hit that existential wall, the program won't work for you: AA members who relapse are dismissed as having not reached that anti-grail. Those who are mandated into the program, such as by law enforcement, fare even worse. Still, that smaller, narrowly defined group of bottom-liners reports a high success rate.<br />
<br />
When you add the extreme moralism drilled into us as Witnesses, it's easy to see how we might beat ourselves up a bit too much for our failings. When I was in the religion, I "struggled" with masturbation/pornography all my life. Although I was hardly alone, it seems I was one of the few people who regularly confessed to this "secret fault." Over the years, well-meaning elders offered to support me in "overcoming" the habit. It would be years before I figured out that the more I resisted temptation, the more it would fight back. And then it would be a while longer before I realized that my real battles lay elsewhere. (I can be a little slow on the uptake.)<br />
<br />
When I was disfellowshipped from the Jehovah's Witnesses, I was convinced that I was a sex addict. (I was, I have to admit, looking at a lot of porn.) So I joined Sexaholics Anonymous. Then, concerned that my glass-or-two-of-wine-a-day habit was too much, I also attended AA meetings. Because my finances were a shambles, I attended Debtors Anonymous. 12-Step groups often recommend that newcomers attend 30 meetings in 30 days. Always an overachiever, I did a 180 in 180. In addition to all that, I enrolled in one-on-one and group psychotherapy. In fact, for nearly two years, hardly a day went by that I didn't attend some kind of recovery meeting and frequently I attended two or three. because I was trying to get reinstated, I was also attending all of the Witness meetings, sitting mute in the back row of the Kingdom Hall like a stuffed giraffe.<br />
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I learned a lot and grew from the experience; I wouldn't trade it in for anything. (Except for maybe more sex.) In the long run, however, practicing the 12 Steps didn't change my behaviors much. True, I actually got a one-year chip from SA for abstaining from masturbation for a year, but afterward I quickly made up for lost time. My drinking was never really a problem to begin with. My finances are still in chaos. For me, the problem was one of perception: believing I had these addictions actually fueled a Slinky-storm of downward spirals. Once I learned to cut myself a little slack and stop trying to please a legalistic, finger-wagging Jehovah, the destructive fury of these compulsions was diverted to more productive endeavors.<br />
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AA books reject such behaviorist or relapse-prevention approaches outright and emphasize the need for surrender to a spiritual higher power. This approach was actually recommended to one of its founding members by Carl Jung, who insisted that relief from alcoholism can only be found in a deep spiritual conversion. (Ironically, it's just this kind of God-talk that prevents many Witnesses fro availing themselves of the program.)<br />
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While that’s what AA literature teaches, too often, AA—as a fellowship—isn't much more than the same-old same-old behavior accountability group found in recovery and high-priced treatment centers and Kingdom Halls everywhere. As Alfred Hitchcock wisely observed, “everything’s perverted in a different way.”<br />
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All of which is to say, my life is about as manageable as a sloppy joe is for an amputee, but I've never loved myself more—not in spite of these imperfections, but because of them. For instance, I still have a bona fide monkey on my back. He has a red demon face that's permanently twisted into a rictus of anger. Off and on throughout any given day, he gets up in my face and says, "You're a failure! A fucking failure!!" I've learned to love even him—after all, for better or worse, he is part of me. I quit fighting him and now he gives me the motivation I need to get up in the morning and put on my bigboy pants when I'd rather bury my head under a mountain of pillows. But that clarity didn't come through any 12-Step program. (Full disclosure: it was the result of a conversation with David Bedrick.)<br />
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As a result, I'm ambivalent about the efficacy of 12-Step programs. Many of my friends are convinced that working the AA program keeps them sober. I applaud that. And to these friends who might be reading this post, I say hey man, whatever works. I honor and support you 100 percent. In addition to these benefits, 12-Step programs offer something that most other approaches don't: they're free.<br />
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But 12-Step programs have become a huge part of the recovery landscape in this country and I feel the need to raise a critical question or two.<br />
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Every AA member knows the Serenity Prayer by heart:<br />
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God grant me the serenity</div>
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to accept the things I cannot change;</div>
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courage to change the things I can;</div>
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and wisdom to know the difference.</div>
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Penned by theologian Reinhold Niebuhr, this prayer was originally untitled. Then someone (probably a reformed drunk) dubbed it the Serenity Prayer, which was unfortunate—that title throws the whole thing off balance, emphasizing "acceptance" over "courage." Such a lopsided reading might help some, but it doesn't help all.<br />
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AA certainly preaches only the first half of the prayer: members are urged to humbly accept the flaws of others and imperfections in the systems in which they live. Very little consideration is given to incite courageous acts of change in one's circumstances. That might be right and good for some alcoholics, but I have hard time believing it is true for all. And other types of addictions operate on a very different level. Some addicts might be better off applying the second half of the prayer, seeking ‘courage to change the things they can.’ For instance, in SA, I encountered members who continue to beat themselves up for sexual transgressions committed years ago. Consumed with guilt and shame over their past misdeeds they remained unable to find—much less hold—a healthy sexual relationship in adult autonomy even as they attended meeting after meeting to confess to lustful thoughts about the bare midriff they caught themselves gazing at on Hawthorne Boulevard. For them, the courageous change might be to leave their 12-Step program and try living life in its terrifying glory.<br />
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The point is, with a 12-Step group for just about every vice imaginable, including alcohol, hard drugs, soft drugs, gambling, debt, sex, overeating, cluttering (?), underearning and workaholism and beyond, it seems to me that at least some of these programs render a disservice to those they would try to help. AA principles just don’t translate that easily.<br />
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AA really is geared for the specific—i.e. narcissistic—issues many (but not all!) alcoholics deal with. It emphasizes the need to take one's own "moral inventory" and avoid taking the inventory of others. For them, such an intervention is often helpful. Sex addicts, by contrast, know their own weaknesses all too well and ritualized self-inventory could actually contribute to the shame cycle that fuels their addiction. Such an individual might actually be better off doing the exact opposite of what AA prescribes, taking critical stock of the character flaws of the people or institutions (church, employment) around them, with a view to 'changing the things they cannot accept.'<br />
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TV, video game or Internet addicts, on the other hand, might want to take an honest inventory of the quality of their real-life relationships. (Am I the only person who finds it both interesting and ironic that all successful video games involve the acquisition and exercise of power?)<br />
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True, 12-Step programs didn't help me deal with my behavior issues all that much, but they were by no means a waste. The way I see it, the real problem with humanity isn't addiction, but our weird push me-pull you relationship with Reality. Most of us claim to be realists or claim to be inclined in that direction. But as that purveyor of nightmares, A. Hitchcock, once said, "reality is something none of us can stand, at any time." The real insanity—the real addiction—is that retreat from reality. Some withdraw with a needle; others use that meta-drug, reality TV. 12-Steps' true raison is that it methodically and—if you work the program—relentlessly pushes its members to confront reality. It forces you to see your life as it is. No wonder its favorite locus is the purgatory of the church basement, with a libation of shitty coffee. It was in such basements that I caught fleeting glimpses of my true self and, just as important, saw, really saw, for the first time, the reckless beauty of my fellow hairless bags of humanoid flesh. 12-Steps' report card for addiction recovery might be a mixed bag. But as a spiritual path for the secular, western mind, it's almost without parallel, and it's these benefits that hit you like a sneaker wave.<br />
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As a Jehovah's Witness, I was indoctrinated from an early age with the belief that I and my fellow door-to-door ministers were the only possessors of spiritual truth and divine love. My paleomammalian brain was marinated in the religious arrogance of such canards as "We worship the Only True God!" and "Only Jehovah's Witnesses have love among themselves!"<br />
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And then I fell among 12-Steppers.<br />
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In that world, I witnessed (and was the recipient of) extraordinary acts of selflessness and love made all the more remarkable because they were offered routinely, without any expectation. I encountered members from a variety of faiths who'd had soul-shaking spiritual experiences. This wasn't supposed to happen. I'd joined these 12 Steps so I could become a new and improved Jehovah's Witness. Instead, I found that the tools I'd been given as a Witness fell short of my need, and where those needs ended and my behavior began was an enormous void that I'd been trying to fill with the styrofoam of religious fundamentalism and xenophobia.<br />
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I broke. And then I began to heal. I got what I needed from 12 Steps. And then I left. I still look at porn. I still drink, sometimes to excess. I really need to get caught up on my bills. I discovered that what Hemingway said wasn't necessarily true: you're not always stronger in the broken places, and the acupunctural meridians of my psyche can cough up surprising and poignant pains when I least expect it. That said, I'm not really a fucking failure. I just play one in the TV of my mind. I manage to find time to write and create and build businesses and otherwise make myself useful to my kids and those I love.<br />
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And make no mistake. AA members are just as prone to fundamentalism and cultishness as are Jehovah's Witnesses. There is a strong belief that sobriety depends on "working the program," which includes meetings, readings and, well, a lot of stuff that smacks of the Witness life.<br />
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But what, exactly, is an addiction? I have a friend who is a very gifted artist. She feels compelled take time to draw every day and insists that this is compulsive, essentially unhealthy, behavior. For her, it doesn't much matter that her artwork is astonishingly beautiful, because it’s a compulsion; presumably, she would like to have the freedom to be able to draw less. Other people are addicted to reading and, sure, if the books are good, this behavior will boost their IQ, but it may take them further from other, more valued, connections. In these cases where do we draw the line between good and bad, healthy and unhealthy?<br />
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For that reason, I'm wary of the term "addiction" itself, just as I view conditions such as ADD and Asperger's Syndrome with suspicion. The human mind works in mysterious ways, and who are we to pathologize behaviors that might actually serve a very useful purpose? As Bedrick points out, “people want to use [drugs] for very important and powerful reasons.” I would add that those reasons are deeply personal and that a one-size-fits-all solution is antithetical to what the situation calls for. Rather than squelching the individual’s voice through interventions, perhaps a better strategy would be to listen to the addiction. It seems to want to be heard anyway.<br />
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In fact, it's quite possible that our "addictions" (or whatever you want to call them) are actually a by-product of Witness life. Viewed in that light, I see hope, not only for recovery from our "addictions," but also in healing from the wounds inflicted on us by religious abuse. Stay in touch.Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-6761727386743064352012-07-07T18:19:00.001-07:002012-07-07T18:42:33.734-07:00Bible Warning Stickers from the Skeptic General<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz0CM4YMw8lIGhlmBft7Wrk6f1lKPrf61ImnRT0k-gE-w3kZudH39i3WlPzv_imJyo95rccC2Q8GhlLFz1-fmfDZMDReYc3Q6IQXDwM_YiE0ZCfpsUUWoanppn-cO86PXuPzy4VIvx0WxO/s1600/Skeptic+General+Warning.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjz0CM4YMw8lIGhlmBft7Wrk6f1lKPrf61ImnRT0k-gE-w3kZudH39i3WlPzv_imJyo95rccC2Q8GhlLFz1-fmfDZMDReYc3Q6IQXDwM_YiE0ZCfpsUUWoanppn-cO86PXuPzy4VIvx0WxO/s320/Skeptic+General+Warning.jpg" width="293" /></a></div>
All right, so I appointed myself Skeptic General. But only because I got tired of waiting for the Bethel Service Department to make me a Circuit Overseer.<br />
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But don't you agree that a message like this should go on every Bible, whether it's the <i>New World "Translation"</i> or otherwise? Go ahead, print 'em and stick 'em!Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-23323678114866446942012-06-12T09:14:00.000-07:002012-06-12T09:14:23.150-07:00Lesson 3: Obey Sparlock<br />
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In the second segment of the new Jehovah's Witness cult indoctrination video for children, titled <a href="http://www.vidvir.com/watch/Kpl#.T9a64z5Yuf_" target="_blank">Lesson 2: Obey Jehovah</a>, Caleb learns how awful it would feel to make God sad by playing with a toy that only Satan could love. You see, his new action figure, Sparlock the Wizard, is a magician. And you know how Jehovah feels about <i>magic</i>. (It is bad.) Following that guilt trip, Caleb throws Sparlock in the trash. But that Happy Meal prize is coming back for seconds.<br />
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Sparlock aims to teach Caleb’s parents a lesson about recycling by taking them into a dimension of both shadow and substance, of things and ideas. Caleb’s mom and dad don’t realize it yet, but they’ve just crossed over into...<br />
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That evening, Caleb’s dad came home from making a shepherding call on Sister Fiftyandnevergotlaid and poured himself an ice cold Budweiser. Then he poured another. After his third bottle he went upstairs to leer at his daughter while she slept. But he saw that Sparlock had snuggled up to her first!<br />
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Filled with righteous indignation, Caleb’s father snatched the toy up and decided to destroy the demonized creature—just as he’d done with his own Ouija board and Led Zeppelin albums years before! </div>
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He tried squeezing Sparlock’s head in a vice, but to no avail.<br />
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He tried to cut Sparlock’s head off with a table saw. <br />
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But that didn’t work out so well either. He only dulled the blade.<br />
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Frustrated, Caleb’s dad threw Sparlock the Wizard in the trash once again—but this time he weighted the lid with concrete blocks for good measure. Chuckling to himself, he turned and flipped the light switch off, leaving Sparlock alone in the garage.<br />
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<span style="text-align: left;">That evening, after finishing his six-pack and deleting his Internet history, Caleb’s father was ready to turn in for the night. Teetering at the top of the stairs, he didn’t notice that Sparlock had made his way out of the trash can.</span><br />
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Down Caleb’s dad went!</div>
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His final lesson, as the light faded in his eyes faded to black? Obedience to Sparlock is the beginning of wisdom!<br />
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<br /></div>Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-2980993899082690072012-05-01T16:30:00.000-07:002012-05-01T19:21:29.427-07:00God is a louse. People are mostly chill.<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: left;">
By Joel Gunz</div>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"><b>(For more great memes like this, visit <strike>www. smarmy-platitudes-R-us.com</strike> <a href="http://www.idlehearts.com/">www.idlehearts.com</a>.) </b></span></div>
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If you’ve ever exited a repressive religion like the
Jehovah’s Witnesses, you know how painful it can be to feel first-hand the
sting of betrayal and abandonment. It
can be one of those gifts that keep on giving.<br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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A decade after I was disfellowshipped, the Witness side of
my family — i.e. almost all of them — still continues to do everything it can to drive
a wedge between my own children and me because they’ve decided I’m an apostate, which means, when translated, that I'm "spiritual kryptonite." It hurts to see my son, Max, miserable and depressed, mainly because people
have decided that it’s preferable that he be a fatherless (albeit Kingdom
Hall-attending) boy. As a remarkably gifted and intelligent young man, the janitors and stockroom clerks at the Kingdom Hall can't make heads nor tails of most of what he has to say. Sadly, he is all but a pariah in the "spiritual paradise."</div>
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That said, I can’t buy into the Dollar Store spirituality
coughed up by the “People Hurt You” meme above. In fact, when I saw
it posted on a Facebook friend’s wall — herself also an ex-Witness — my stomach
turned about 18 degrees. Just enough to
prompt a response that went something like this: (Click on the image to see it properly.)<o:p></o:p></div>
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Her response? (Not posted here, for reasons that will soon be clear.) She went on to insist that any goodness
in people exists only because God put it there. Also, she accused me of having a pole up my rear. Um, okay, maybe I had that coming. Apparently, my misanthropic line went a bit too far.</div>
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Still, my point stands. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I preached that “People are bad/God is good” line myself for over
30 years. Creating my own reality around that belief, I was convinced it
was true. And then, by means of a Judicial Committee, I was handed the gift of
objective distance. That’s when the scales fell from my eyes, as it were and I
came to see, for the first time, just how much goodness there is in my fellow
man. I saw that people <i>can</i> be
trusted. <o:p></o:p></div>
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In fact, in my new paradigm, bad people are such a minority that
when an individual behaves untrustworthily, it comes as a shock and offense. (If
mankind were truly as generically evil as Christianity insists, the subprime
mortgage crisis would have been a boring non-starter in the news.) I feel sorry
for people who have such a misanthropic view of human nature that they can't
see all the wonderful acts performed on a daily basis by people who couldn’t
care less about Jesus or any other genie-in-a-bottle. Like the grocer who
corrects you when you hand him too much money, when he could easily have ripped
you off. Or the hundreds of thousands of
<a href="http://www.theauroraclinic.com/" target="_blank">medical marijuana program members across the country who share what they have with other patients,simply for the good of the community</a>.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Considering the vile treatment I’ve experienced in my and my
kids’ lives, how could I possibly have such a rosy outlook? Do I even have that
right? Or have I softened into a blissfully
ignorant Pangloss? Maybe. All I know is, day in and day out, I encounter people
who are good folk and who treat others decently—if not offering themselves up in profoundly
self-sacrificing ways.<o:p></o:p></div>
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<a href="http://exjehovahswitnessportland.blogspot.com/2010/04/love-worldly-style.html" target="_blank">I’ve told the story before about how I was helped out of the Witness cult</a> by countless individuals who played roles large and small,
conscious and unwitting, in helping me to see that the religious community I’d
grown up with did not have a monopoly on love. It was like finding myself the
guest of honor at a new surprise party every day. Before long, the kindness and
generosity of these pagans, miscreants and misfits outshined the hurtful
behavior of the Christians I’d known. In less guarded moments, I even caught
myself forgiving the Witnesses.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Within the Witness community, those who have been hostile to
me are a minority. Most Witnesses are
good, honest people who are unfortunate to be caught up in a high-control system.
If they could grasp how hurtful and pointless their behavior is, it would
trigger an existential crisis they might not be able to survive. (After all,
isn’t that the real moral of the story of Judas, who grasped too late the
consequences of his blinkered thinking?)<o:p></o:p></div>
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The world may feel like a shithole sometimes, but as Robert
Jordan said in <i>For Whom the Bell Tolls,</i>
it is still “a fine place and worth the fighting for and I hate very much to
leave it.”<o:p></o:p></div>
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But let’s get back to that little spat on Facebook. Christianity
teaches that people will hate you, but that only God will love you. Again, my experience is quite the
opposite. It isn’t difficult to read the
Biblical God as a hateful sonofabitch. On the other hand, I’ve found humans to
be, in general, noble and decent. The Christian Facebook friend on
whose wall I wrote that comment didn’t seem to agree. In fact, it bothered her so much
that she unfriended me. <o:p></o:p></div>
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Ah well. <i><span style="background-attachment: initial; background-clip: initial; background-color: white; background-image: initial; background-origin: initial;">Comme ci,
comme ça.</span></i><i><o:p></o:p></i></div>
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Nevertheless, why do I feel shunned?<span style="font-size: 10pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-5376520112653850242011-03-22T00:41:00.000-07:002011-03-22T01:25:18.560-07:00Four Lies Jehovah's Witnesses Tell Themselves<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7OT79EmpjE4GYP481VbU-TWakouAAVScsZ8juBzC7NimUGibhq_sHe-hZjQxBGSsrgZy_MUoTvWLAzRbNhmckitk9-_T1tGPXx4Dm3Ao5gl6bEdlnCTpdZ2nJ9d_Gdwv8fkqdFkssq2Cc/s1600/Pinnochio.jpg"><img style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 357px; height: 336px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi7OT79EmpjE4GYP481VbU-TWakouAAVScsZ8juBzC7NimUGibhq_sHe-hZjQxBGSsrgZy_MUoTvWLAzRbNhmckitk9-_T1tGPXx4Dm3Ao5gl6bEdlnCTpdZ2nJ9d_Gdwv8fkqdFkssq2Cc/s400/Pinnochio.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5586814313470147938" border="0" /></a><br />Like it or not, a measure of dishonesty is necessary for maintaining the social system. We all know that young George Washington didn't cut down a cherry tree and that Lincoln's path to the Emancipation Proclamation had less to do with the ideal of racial equality than it did with the pragmatism of reuniting a fractured republic. Men hide their sexual indiscretions from their wives, who themselves would rather not know the truth about their husbands. Dishonesty is so deeply entrenched in the social contract that language philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein downgraded it from a moral failure to a mere “language game.”<br /><br />The Jehovah's Witnesses are no exception. Here are four lies all Witnesses tell themselves.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">“I am loved.”</span><br />The Witness catechism brochure <span style="font-style: italic;">What Does God Require of Us</span> says that “the most outstanding mark of true Christians is that they have real love among themselves.”<br /><br />To be fair, Jehovah's Witnesses do a good job of promoting this value among their members. For instance, racism has been all but eliminated. Their literature points to the humanitarian work they perform in times of disaster and to the preaching work itself as an act of love. But in these areas, they are really no different from many other churches that also do good works. Good and helpful though their work may be, the love Witnesses have is not an “outstanding mark,” superior to that found in other religions. They are merely as good as many other religions.<br /><br />On a personal level, however, many Witnesses complain of loneliness and isolation. Due to strict moral standards and the expectation to marry only within the religion, thousands of Jehovah's Witnesses remain single and have lost hope that they will find someone just right for them. Others may feel left out because they aren't part of the Pioneers' or Elders' club. Hoping to conjure up feelings of amity by force of sheer will, some will testify at the meetings to the love they have been shown or to the love they feel for the “brotherhood.” But all too often it's a sham, a Hail Mary pass at getting the human affection they crave.<br /><br />Many Watchtower articles have been published to address this problem, most of which assume that if congregation members don't feel loved, it's their own fault; the Watchtower Society has never acknowledged that its own congregations could be the source of their disappointment.<br /><br />Thus, out of one side their mouth they praise the Organization for having superlative love, while out of the other side of their mouth, they complain—if only privately—that they feel unloved. While a measure of love can be found in Witness congregations, to claim this as an outstanding characteristic of their religion is to ignore the love that abounds outside their Kingdom Halls.<br /><br />Then again, any religion that describes the ritualized brutality of disfellowshipping as a “loving arrangement” isn't exactly going for what you could call a platonic ideal.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">“I am in the truth.”</span><br />Jehovah's Witnesses claim to possess “accurate knowledge” of the Bible—that they alone know the truth—and this belief emboldens them to take their unique beliefs from door to door. The single most important doctrine in their theology is their belief that Jesus Christ became the messianic King of God's Kingdom in 1914—and it provides the basis for all of their interpretation of Bible prophecy. That date is arrived at through a series of scriptures handpicked from the books of Daniel and Revelation and whipped together into a dizzyingly convoluted compote of Bible Math. While Watchtower publications occasionally go over this material, few Witnesses can actually explain this chronology without resorting to cheat sheets such as those found in their book <span style="font-style: italic;">Reasoning from the Scriptures</span>. Convinced though they may be about the doctrine, few really understand it. That isn't knowledge. It's mere belief. Consequently, while Jehovah's Witnesses criticize other churches for inducing their members to credulously believe incomprehensible doctrines, like the Trinity, the fact is that they do the same thing themselves.<br /><br />In 2010, in order to reconcile the urgency of its belief that 1914 would be a prelude to Armageddon with the fact that that year is quickly fading into history, the <span style="font-style: italic;">Watchtower</span> magazine (once again) revised the meaning of the word “generation” used at Matthew 24:34, this time completely removing its definition from the realm of sound logic and doubling it to actually include two generations whose lives overlap.<br /><br />It is no coincidence that, as its belief system has lost credibility, the Governing Body of Jehovah's Witnesses has shown less and less tolerance for those who would ask difficult questions. If it were secure in the truth, it would encourage—not fear—questioning and dissent. Instead, they drown out cross-examination with the cry “I am in the truth!” for to stop doing so would result in a crisis of faith from which, they fear, they could not recover.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">“I am living a fulfilled life as a Witness.”</span><br />For someone youthful and ambitious, there are a few opportunities for personal fulfillment in the Jehovah's Witness world. Their missionary and foreign service programs afford opportunities for world travel. Males can advance into leadership positions. Still, the emphasis is on one paramount work: the public ministry, and all members are expected to make it their top priority. If a member balks at this, or finds that it is not his or her “gift,” it is seen as a spiritual weakness. Thus, having a fulfilling role in the Witnesses is something only a few enjoy. The rest are encouraged to make the best of it and are dissuaded from seeking the challenges and rewards that go along with traditional avenues for personal enrichment, such as education, professional development, entrepreneurship or the arts.<br /><br />For most people, college is an opportunity to explore their interests and get to know themselves. But Witnesses see it as a threat to their relationship with God. The April 15, 2008 <span style="font-style: italic;">Watchtower</span> says, “What, though, of higher education, received in a college or a university? This is widely viewed as vital to success. Yet, many who pursue such education end up with their minds filled with harmful propaganda. Such education wastes valuable youthful years that could best be used in Jehovah’s service.”<br /><br />Pursuing fulfillment in any endeavor outside of service to the Watchtower Society is discouraged. In a chapter titled “What Career Should I choose?” the Watchtower publication <span style="font-style: italic;">Young People Ask</span> stated:<br /><blockquote>‘WHAT shall I do with the rest of my life?’ Sooner or later you confront this challenging question. A confusing array of choices present themselves—medicine, business, art, education, computer science, engineering, the trades. And you may feel like the youth who said: “What I consider to be successful . . . is maintaining the comfort level that you grew up with.” Or like others, you may dream of improving your financial lot in life.<br /><br />But is there more to success than material gain? Can any secular career bring you real fulfillment? </blockquote>The chapter goes on to discourage such options, claiming that satisfaction “eludes those who build their lives solely around secular achievement.”<br /><br />When it comes to relationships, Witnesses fare little better. If they are raised in the religion, they often get married too young, only to realize too late that they made an unwise choice. Fearing censure from the congregation if they divorce, they often remain trapped in a disappointing relationship.<br /><br />Thus, for many Witnesses, finding real satisfaction in work and life is elusive. Yet, there is no room to say express those feelings openly, for to do so would only further isolate them from a community that would see their lack of fulfillment as spiritual weakness. So they maintain a facade that conceals a life of quiet desperation. They live a sad lie of thwarted dreams and aspirations.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">“I think for myself”</span><br />Ask any Witness if she is in a cult and she will likely bristle defensively and insist that Witnesses think for themselves. As one Witness commenter said in an online forum: “WE ARE NOT A CULT! We are free willed people just like anyone else.” Methinks she doeth protest too much.<br /><br />The test for someone's capacity for independent thought comes when he disagrees with established beliefs or deviates from expected norms. But when a member of Jehovah's Witnesses disagrees with something found in the <span style="font-style: italic;">Watchtower</span> magazine, what is the expected course of action? Such questioning is seen, not as the functioning of a healthy, autonomous mind, but as the work of the Devil. Says <span style="font-style: italic;">The Watchtower</span> of February 1, 1996:<br /><br /><blockquote>Another sly tactic of the Devil is the sowing of doubts in the mind. He is ever alert to see some weakness in faith and exploit it. Any who experience doubts should remember that the one behind such doubts is the one who said to Eve: “Is it really so that God said you must not eat from every tree of the garden?” Once the Tempter had planted doubt in her mind, the next step was to tell her a lie, which she believed. (Genesis 3:1, 4, 5) To avoid having our faith destroyed by doubt as Eve’s was, we need to be vigilant. If some tinge of doubt about Jehovah, his Word, or his organization has begun to linger in your heart, take quick steps to eliminate it before it festers into something that could destroy your faith....<br /><br />Do not hesitate to ask for help from loving overseers in the congregation. (Acts 20:28; James 5:14, 15; Jude 22) They will help you trace the source of your doubts, which may be due to pride or some wrong thinking.<br /><br />Has the reading or listening to apostate ideas or worldly philosophy introduced poisonous doubts? … It is of interest that many who have become victims of apostasy got started in the wrong direction by first complaining about how they felt they were being treated in Jehovah’s organization. (Jude 16) Finding fault with beliefs came later. Just as a surgeon acts quickly to cut out gangrene, act quickly to rout out of the mind any tendency to complain, to be dissatisfied with the way things are done in the Christian congregation. (Colossians 3:13, 14) Cut off anything that feeds such doubts.—Mark 9:43.<br /><br />Stick closely to Jehovah and his organization. Loyally imitate Peter, who resolutely stated: “Lord, whom shall we go away to? You have sayings of everlasting life.” (John 6:52, 60, 66-68) Have a good program of study of Jehovah’s Word so as to keep your faith strong, like a large shield, able “to quench all the wicked one’s burning missiles.” (Ephesians 6:16) Keep active in the Christian ministry, lovingly sharing the Kingdom message with others. Every day, meditate appreciatively on how Jehovah has blessed you. Be thankful that you have a knowledge of the truth. Doing all these things in a good Christian routine will help you to be happy, to endure, and to remain free of doubts.</blockquote>In other words, Witnesses are told that if they don't agree with <span style="font-style: italic;">The Watchtower,</span> they should do whatever it takes to start agreeing again.<br /><blockquote>[Independent] thinking is an evidence of pride. And the Bible says: “Pride is before a crash, and a haughty spirit before stumbling.” (Proverbs 16:18) If we get to thinking that we know better than the organization, we should ask ourselves: “Where did we learn Bible truth in the first place? Would we know the way of the truth if it had not been for guidance from the organization? Really, can we get along without the direction of God’s organization?” No, we cannot!—<span style="font-style: italic;">The Watchtower,</span> January 15, 1983</blockquote>Clearly, thinking for oneself is not highly valued in the Witness community. Nevertheless, Witnesses insist that they do, in fact think for themselves. Objective outsiders easily see it for what it is: Jehovah's Witnesses lie to themselves about their supposed freedom of thought.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Just admit it.</span><br />In 1843, Karl Marx described the fall of the French <span style="font-style: italic;">ancien régime</span> as tragic “as long as it believed and had to believe in its own justification.” He saw a parallel between the end of that age and the then-current crisis rippling through Germany, which “only imagines that it believes in itself and demands that the world imagine the same thing. If it believed in its own <span style="font-style: italic;">essence,</span> would it seek refuge in hypocrisy and [the plausible but fallacious arguments of] sophism?” The very same question can be asked of the Jehovah's Witness belief system.<br /><br />In Alfred Hitchcock's <span style="font-style: italic;">North By Northwest, </span>Roger Thornhill (Cary Grant) contended that “in the world of advertising, there's no such thing as a lie. There's only expedient exaggeration.” That statement doesn't go far enough. The entire world revolves around the polite rituals of mutual deception, and Jehovah's Witnesses are no exception. Unfortunately, their refusal to acknowledge that fact makes them a laughingstock among pharisees, the butt of a self-inflicted, cynical joke.<br /><br />This isn't to say that the religion of Jehovah's Witnesses will disappear any time soon, imploding under the weight of their falsehoods. Obsolete religions are like uranium: they can have an astonishingly long half-life. Sustained by delusion and falsehood, they are just as toxic.Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com60tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-68835638405816396572011-02-11T14:51:00.000-08:002011-02-14T08:01:31.855-08:00Check Out My New Blog: A Year of Sundays<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrdFLqtANP6FibIhnGgiinTB8E7_SdECM5RdE_8_UKTi6FyjwNo4V2HO5U6kQX_pWhZM_4T15LaN2g7vP_rClLKxcvktB9tH9x0kqCwI_k5Nz66TS9_bpmMH43mOwyMu7wBvh73Z2ZxLfu/s1600/Blog+Screen+Capture.png"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 290px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgrdFLqtANP6FibIhnGgiinTB8E7_SdECM5RdE_8_UKTi6FyjwNo4V2HO5U6kQX_pWhZM_4T15LaN2g7vP_rClLKxcvktB9tH9x0kqCwI_k5Nz66TS9_bpmMH43mOwyMu7wBvh73Z2ZxLfu/s400/Blog+Screen+Capture.png" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5572574040951188786" border="0" /></a><br />For the first couple of years after I left the Jehovah's Witnesses, my spiritual life was a gradual unpeeling of the layers of belief that kept me in the religion. One day I was shedding my reverence for the governing Body and the next I was realizing that I would one day die. Along the way, I tried a church or two, but my efforts to explore other beliefs were haphazard at best.<br /><br />Then along came Amanda P. Westmont.<br /><br />Herself a lifelong church-phobic agnostic (her father is a former Christian Scientist), Amanda was fascinated by my story as an ex-Witness. That, in addition to her own quest, inspired Amanda to go on a church tour. One thing led to another, and we decided to write about our journey. Next thing you know, it became a blog. It's called <a href="http://yearofsundays.com/">yearofsundays.com</a> and you really should check it out.<br /><br />Each Sunday for the next year, Amanda and I will visit a different church. One week it may be a variety of Christianity, while the next it might be Buddhist, Mormon, Muslim, Unitarian or Church of the Subgenius. After our visit, we will write about our experience as if it were a restaurant or movie review. The point isn't to evaluate theology or doctrine—frankly, we couldn't care less about that. We'll be writing about the experience itself.<br /><br />Since we're both the kind of impious delinquents who get our thrills pissing people off, this blog won't be for the religiously faint of heart. If you're a believer, you might want to slip on a pair of steel toed boots before visiting our page. I admit that I may have issues with religion in general. So accept my apologies in advance for any snark, sarcasm, cynicism or otherwise bitter remarks. Hey, if you were forbidden to masturbate for 30 years, you'd get a little edgy too.<br /><br />But that's not to say we don't have serious intent.<br /><br />We write our reviews with one criterion in mind. Regarding humankind's amazing variety of music, Duke Ellington famously said, “if it sounds good, it is good.” That's the benchmark we will use to evaluate every religious services we attend. You're invited to agree, to disagree, or, if you really don't like what we write, to start your own blog. Comments are always accepted and unfiltered. Better yet, if you have a church in mind that we should visit, drop me a line in the comments section here or at A Year of Sundays and we'll try to work it into the schedule.<br /><br />Just to show you how serious we are, we even wrote a manifesto:<br /><br /><span style="font-style: italic;">WHY A YEAR OF SUNDAYS?</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />Because it’s fun.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />Because Margarita Monday was already taken.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />Because Joel thinks Amanda looks cute in her Sunday Go To Church dress.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />Because we think it might be good for the kids.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />Because everybody says they’re going to do it but nobody ever does.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />Because there are worse ways to nurse a hangover.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />Because, for Joel, it feels oddly naughty.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />But for Amanda, it feels oddly nice.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />Because, though we suspect that God is dead, we still like to hedge our bets.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />Because we thought that if we could actually get through 50 posts, we could write a book.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />Because sometimes you need a break from sex and happy hour.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />Because we made a pact that if we break up, we’ll still write this damn thing.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />Because Amanda needs a reason to buy old lady hats.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />Because, frankly, we’re a little jealous of the people who believe.</span> <span style="font-style: italic;"><br /><br />Because Baptists can’t have all the fun, Buddhists can’t have all the peace, Jews can’t have all the guilt, Jehovah’s Witnesses can’t all the apocalypse fantasies and Catholics can’t have all the cute altar boys.</span>Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-23691495195037269392011-01-20T21:10:00.000-08:002018-04-16T14:59:55.819-07:00Why I love the Jehovah's Witnesses<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVWFVcHR8BGjPKBsfPS3eoCBHrKEBsw32jxAgPlade6cShBIAnOrZPgre_3oFkx9kDZPVf4HqTN_IqSlhi6bav080_fL4xGvbfUjopWIxnu3sk7jE9xxEOyPw5zaazAc1Isc-X37UTlH3r/s1600/Watchtower+buildings+brooklyn.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" height="432" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5564534125349704642" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhVWFVcHR8BGjPKBsfPS3eoCBHrKEBsw32jxAgPlade6cShBIAnOrZPgre_3oFkx9kDZPVf4HqTN_IqSlhi6bav080_fL4xGvbfUjopWIxnu3sk7jE9xxEOyPw5zaazAc1Isc-X37UTlH3r/s640/Watchtower+buildings+brooklyn.jpg" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center;" width="640" /></a><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">According to unofficial Watchtower historian Russ Kurzen, God chose to put his earthly organization in New York </span></span>–<span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> then the center of the world </span></span>–<span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;"> to be a light to all nations. Maybe. But I think they stayed for the posh city view.</span></span></div>
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<span style="font-style: italic;">“I love America more than any other country in this world, and, exactly for this reason, I insist on the right to criticize her perpetually.”</span> --James Baldwin<br />
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It's easy to take a jaundiced look at one's years spent as a Jehovah's Witness – and I often do. But there's also a trunkful of great memories too, and I refuse to give them up, because to do so would entail denying huge swaths of the things that make me <span style="font-style: italic;">me</span>. I'd like to talk about the love I feel for the Organization.<br />
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Funny as it may seem, I actually enjoyed going door to door, challenging the beliefs of others – and laying my own convictions on the line. For a while, my territory included the Reed College area, whose hypersmart students – a.k.a. Reedies – kicked my intellectual ass every Saturday morning. Most Witnesses hated working that area, but I loved it. After all, I possessed something unassailable – the Truth (or so I thought). Their relentless debates forced me to take a rigorous approach to my personal Bible study. At first, it made me a better pioneer. Eventually, it made me a halfway decent “apostate.”<br />
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Another great memory. Walking into the Tacoma Dome on Friday morning, Day One of the District Convention, and feeling engulfed by the love of 8,000 other like-minded people. Those conventions were a three-day high for me and even though I knew that soon enough I'd return to my endless cycle of whacking the Soprano and guilting myself for it, by the time the Sunday afternoon closing remarks rolled around, I could do nothing but savor the final moments of what seemed to be a spiritual paradise. Yes, I cried during the final song and applauded like a spastic gibbon when it was all over. I know how cult indoctrination retreats work, and maybe I was a victim of that. But the good feelings I experienced then were very real, and I feel no need to tag them with the graffiti of jaded hindsight.<br />
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One specific convention memory. Okay, make that two:<br />
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1) <span style="font-style: italic;">District Convention, July, 1983. Walking with my stepfather along the perimeter of Oregon State University's Gill Coliseum, headed to our Food Service table and munching a Muff-N-Egg, unwrapping the tin foil as we go along.</span> We'd left the rest of the family behind and it was just us two, missing most of the program, attending the convention as workers. Not avid outdoorsy types, we called these working vacations our “annual fishing trip.”<br />
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2) <span style="font-style: italic;">Same place, the following year. Working the Food Service table again, handing a plastic carton of Swiss Miss vanilla pudding to Sandi Everly. After stalking her that day with a pair of binoculars and a pizza-faced chaperon at my side, I see her up close for the first time, framed in a simple blue cotton dress, her blonde hair pulled back into a French braid; a girl from Eastern Oregon whose sky-blue eyes, </span><span style="font-style: italic;">like heliotropic sunflowers,</span><span style="font-style: italic;"> always seem to seek the horizon.</span> If you and I happen to be in the Mid-Willamette Valley and it's getting to the end of a perfectly clear summer's day and you see me lost in thought, scanning the distant Cascade Mountain Range, no matter how much I love you, you'll know who I'm thinking of.<br />
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Like most people raised in the Witness world, I didn't go to college. For me, Bethel service approximated the experience (minus the education). As a young man in New York City, it was my first taste of life away from home. That's where I had my first drunk experience: thanks to (last I heard) missionary Jeff Taylor, I can't tolerate vodka in anything more potent than fancy spaghetti sauce. In the City, you can be poor as I, like most Bethelites, was and still have a rich experience – if you're getting three square meals and have a roof over your head. And let's get real – that roof happened to be in hoity-toity Brooklyn Heights. My room at The Towers hotel had an unobstructed 180-degree view of the East River and Lower Manhattan's financial district. Circuit Overseer Keith Kelley once complained to me that while he and his wife, with their combined 60 years of service, had to live in a travel trailer, punks like me got to live in nob hill luxury.<br />
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Hey Keith, guess what? I also lived across the street from Norman fucking Mailer.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMOl2YtQJ00TsLQ9MX10oVqHKSqfU7t3h4Fpgk8LLBAfvMRyfr0eHmfELTcqfymLd8ynbnSi5YiwVU8PtuRyNpL4n2sU-PAdU1cFd6rFP1DUaU7vZHnCEZ8208xQwqmmQC16fD0gK7iGpC/s1600/Bossert_Hicks_Montague_jeh.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5564534124537855074" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiMOl2YtQJ00TsLQ9MX10oVqHKSqfU7t3h4Fpgk8LLBAfvMRyfr0eHmfELTcqfymLd8ynbnSi5YiwVU8PtuRyNpL4n2sU-PAdU1cFd6rFP1DUaU7vZHnCEZ8208xQwqmmQC16fD0gK7iGpC/s400/Bossert_Hicks_Montague_jeh.jpg" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 400px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 300px;" /></a><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">The Bossert Hotel, once known as the Waldorf-Astoria of Brooklyn. My room was on the 10th floor, fourth balcony from the left. Lavish, yes, but I called it home for a while.</span></span></div>
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Memory montage: Getting lost in Manhattan and discovering John & Yoko's Dakota apartments or just lolling around Central Park with friends like Jon Courson, Brian McCristall, Tim Norvell, Dave Schafer (now a "helper to the Governing Body" – GO DAVE (I guess)!), Paulo Flor, Joel Stangeland, Joel Sommers, Joel Sidoti and a bunch of other Bethelites named Joel. Or with blonde-headed Wayne Barber, tiptoeing our way through the projects in Bedford-Stuyvesant while residents jeered at us from the windows, yelling, "You boys are lost in the soup!" Some of these guys are still at Bethel, some are gone, and a few have left the Witnesses altogether.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAgifgV1Uc5K84v3yYjCkYsv6n9fClM_ZNTBD1NBXEvdSjLWYmnnfcPMyO_P3rBQDvSMp8sFk7UukjLfl7dIWoIu4HvK2e5lfefDLBoJtAe_eC-NMJ0VjRjw-XT-B0e-y7kyVGPfrCb9l2/s1600/Bindery+Line+Crew.png"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565605017262858738" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjAgifgV1Uc5K84v3yYjCkYsv6n9fClM_ZNTBD1NBXEvdSjLWYmnnfcPMyO_P3rBQDvSMp8sFk7UukjLfl7dIWoIu4HvK2e5lfefDLBoJtAe_eC-NMJ0VjRjw-XT-B0e-y7kyVGPfrCb9l2/s400/Bindery+Line+Crew.png" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 269px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">My crew on the building 3, floor 4 burst binder. That's me on the far left, behind the multiracial gay couple. </span> </span></div>
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As a Bethel tour guide, I got to meet Witnesses from all over the world, most of whom had scrimped and saved in order to make the pilgrimage to Headquarters. As I showed them along the preternaturally shiny factory floors and multimillion-dollar printing presses humming theocratically along, I could see the pride in their faces as they saw what their hard-earned contribution dollars were accomplishing. I felt it was an honor to tour them around then – and I still feel that way. Sure, there's plenty to disagree with in the <span style="font-style: italic;">Watchtower,</span> but who am I to begrudge these people their stake in the only thing that gives their life meaning? That would be like refusing a dying drunk his bottle.<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdzHdMGxGHa1tJCEyvPjqyKNEAjPRQZO0dcsXKSM7eYk-6PVCCVGEUK-Q3BJynabWUb0-QDto0o87B4G63PlWVBOi4Ppqj6x8gxC8GSGyB9UHoDiZMKETZb0LX-jvqUyB1LDEbm4n86tVA/s1600/Stella+Martha+Mary.png"><img alt="" border="0" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5565607012374193890" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgdzHdMGxGHa1tJCEyvPjqyKNEAjPRQZO0dcsXKSM7eYk-6PVCCVGEUK-Q3BJynabWUb0-QDto0o87B4G63PlWVBOi4Ppqj6x8gxC8GSGyB9UHoDiZMKETZb0LX-jvqUyB1LDEbm4n86tVA/s400/Stella+Martha+Mary.png" style="cursor: pointer; display: block; height: 277px; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center; width: 400px;" /></a><span style="font-size: 85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Stella and her daughters Martha and Mary, a.k.a. the Triplets of Brooklynville. I spent every Thursday at their Park Slope house for book study. Their spare bedroom became my base camp for weekends away from Bethel.</span></span></div>
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When I heard that the Brooklyn properties were going up for sale, my heart broke a little. Charles T. Russell moved the Watchtower Bible and Tract Society up there in 1909. There's a rich legacy of religious history bound up in those old brownstones and grand hotels. It's a shame that they would cash out and walk away from all that. The Society's coffers must really be hurting.* If that's the case, we might be witnessing the decline of a unique 19th century millennialist Bible society. I, for one, hope they don't disappear completely. To tell the truth, I'd miss them.<br />
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Of course, there's more to this trip down memory lane than just that. Gradually, things got ugly until it was time to leave the Witnesses behind or die trying. Still, I love the years I spent in the Organization like I loved high school. They were some of the best years of my life and wild horses of the Apocalypse couldn't drag me back.<br />
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*Since 2006, hundreds of U.S. Bethelites have been returned to the field.Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com25tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-45154568810438083022010-08-19T16:08:00.000-07:002010-08-20T12:30:24.403-07:00Last Member of 1914 Generation Speaks Out<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxyR5F7ycxisCXDWjy0FXc87zjVbkyh_qSSQLY-a4OBlQPVHHjswAkTHgppZVGG6ZTqiZzRYvCHUVSlB6l4rb3u5Sh7PE_DQ0mcoM-YgawdjYZKt4K9aT9ryE-Pol_R5_mRqw9JvU_ioqA/s1600/Crypt.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 256px; height: 280px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhxyR5F7ycxisCXDWjy0FXc87zjVbkyh_qSSQLY-a4OBlQPVHHjswAkTHgppZVGG6ZTqiZzRYvCHUVSlB6l4rb3u5Sh7PE_DQ0mcoM-YgawdjYZKt4K9aT9ryE-Pol_R5_mRqw9JvU_ioqA/s400/Crypt.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5507281548028138290" border="0" /></a>Posted by Joel Gunz.<br /><br />In opera, it ain't over 'til the fat lady sings, but for Eustacious Barbour, this wicked system ain't over 'til <span style="font-style: italic;">he</span> croaks. For many years, Jehovah's Witnesses taught that Jesus' prophecy regarding the "generation" that saw the beginning of distress -- which they claim began in 1914 -- would also live to see the Great Tribulation, which has yet to occur. Since then, as that group of people has died off, the sect has departed from any dictionary definition of the term and concocted its own meaning of the word "generation." But Mr. Barbour, who clearly remembers the outbreak of World War I, still believes that original teaching. And, as the lone holdout of that generation, he's still waiting.<br /><br />Born July 12, 1882, Mr. Barbour recently celebrated his 128th birthday. Describing that violation of Jehovah's Witness law in his usual colorful language, he says, "Hell when you get to be my age, you can celebrate any damn thing you want. Shit." Though he only reports 15 minutes of time each month, the old codger remains on the Special Pioneer list.<br /><br />His memory is as strong as ever. "I met [Watchtower Society founder] Pastor Russell in 1914 while standing at the urinals of the Hotel McKittrick in San Francisco. His sense of urgency in there suggested to me that he either had cystitis or, alternatively, that he had to rush back to his preaching, lest he miss the beginning of Armageddon." As it happened, the itinerant preacher was suffering from a urinary infection. "He wasn't getting along too well with his ex-wife at the time, either," the dozenegarian says with a dusty cackle.*<br /><br />Mr. Barbour loves to regale younger Witnesses with his memories of Pastor Russell, "Judge" Rutherford and other long-dead members of the religion, and his interviews at Circuit Assemblies and District Conventions are always a hit. But what gets him up and dressed each morning isn't his recollections of times long past, but the future. Because for Eustacious Barbour, the end remains nigh.<br /><br />---------<br /><span style="font-size:85%;">* This paragraph has some basis in actual history. As WT President Fred Franz once told an audience at "Bethel Family Night," he met Russell while pissing in the men's room of one of the venues in which Russell was speaking. Franz also observed that Russell was in some discomfort while doing so. (Russell did, in fact, suffer from cystitis.) </span>Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-34901979978073791762010-08-09T15:18:00.000-07:002010-08-09T15:41:44.132-07:00An Early Example of the Christian Side Hug<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs120.ash2/39328_414730939117_748129117_4758857_3776209_n.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 604px; height: 453px;" src="http://sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash2/hs120.ash2/39328_414730939117_748129117_4758857_3776209_n.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Posted by Joel Gunz<br /><br />According to an article in Wikipedia, the <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christian_side_hug">Christian side hug</a> was first identified in a 2009 song by Christian rap artist Ryan Penn. Says the article, "it is a greeting where one hangs their arm over the shoulder of the person beside them, minimizing the chance of inadvertent <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Non-penetrative_sex" title="Non-penetrative sex">sexual contact</a>."<br /><br />But the above illustration, which appeared in the 1978 Watchtower publication <span style="font-style: italic;">Your Youth -- Getting the </span>Best<span style="font-style: italic;"> Out of It </span>31 (thus 31 years earlier), clearly shows that Jehovah's Witnesses were on the forefront of matters pertaining to chastity and sexual abstinence. While not a hug, technically speaking, the picture does demonstrate side-by-side physical contact through a layer of thick clothing that prevents any chance of "inadvertent sexual contact."<br /><br />(Special thanks to Facebook friend and Ex-Jehovah's Witness of Toronto, Ontario, <a href="http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=649890213&v=wall">Tall Penguin</a>, for alerting my to this page.)<br /><br /><br /><img src="file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/JOELGU%7E1/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot-2.png" alt="" /><img src="file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/JOELGU%7E1/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot.png" alt="" /><img src="file:///C:/DOCUME%7E1/JOELGU%7E1/LOCALS%7E1/Temp/moz-screenshot-1.png" alt="" />Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-13853855633876450362010-07-29T14:25:00.000-07:002010-07-30T03:38:34.781-07:00Watchtower Society Unveils "New Light" Generator.[This is a parody. With exception of the use of certain names of dead entities and people, this fake news piece is entirely a work of fiction.]<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuCNbKHkti2g9FIoelk1PkKyCX_vHMb5wiFPrEFqSrZlZu5xQxgZDd2_F1Go6rgYLaUTmZsdhcJoP1Gxsilk8wtFyYsTZcoj7wetRJwUbhFZ9BihzlcN41w73Z502_1_Jipe6JMiUZmQ2o/s1600/Evolution+Book+Computer.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 310px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuCNbKHkti2g9FIoelk1PkKyCX_vHMb5wiFPrEFqSrZlZu5xQxgZDd2_F1Go6rgYLaUTmZsdhcJoP1Gxsilk8wtFyYsTZcoj7wetRJwUbhFZ9BihzlcN41w73Z502_1_Jipe6JMiUZmQ2o/s400/Evolution+Book+Computer.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5499468742684712306" border="0" /></a><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Governing Body member Gerrit Lösch tests the MEPS 3000's frappé button.</span><br /></span></div><br />Posted by Joel Gunz.<br /><br />BROOKLYN, NEW YORK-- End times forecasting company Watchtower, Bible and Tract Society of New York, Pennsylvania and East Berlin (NYSE WBTS) has unveiled its MEPS 3000 New Light Generator, the first computing system specially designed to determine the "times and seasons" of Bible prophecy.<br /><br />"As Jesus Christ's personal faithful and discreet slave, we feel we owe our followers, known as sheep, up-to-the-minute information regarding changes in God's own truth," says J. R. Beige, Watchtower spokesman. "As you can no no doubt tell from watching the evening news, this old system of things is a lot more complicated than even our Governing Body can understand. MEPS 3000 does all that heavy lifting for us, allowing us to 'make sure of the more important things,' namely, preaching to worldly people and randomly shunning fellow believers."<br /><br />According to the Watchtower's press release, MEPS 3000 features a full array of floppy disk read/write equipment, the Watchtower Library on CD-ROM and an online subscription to both the <span style="font-style: italic;">New York Post</span> and Vatican newspaper <span style="font-style: italic;">L'Osservatore Romano</span>. It can also simultaneously typeset <span style="font-style: italic;">The Watchtower</span> into 2,117 languages, including Urdu, Semaphore and Dance of the Honeybees.<br /><br />Representing state-of-the-art technology in the field of Bible prophecy interpretation, the new computing system aims to avoid the miscalculations that can result from human error. "Look, we're not admitting that mistakes were ever made," says Mr. Beige. "But from the meaning of the word 'generation' to the calculus involved in buttressing the argument that we were right about 1914, it's obvious that God's ways are definitely higher than our ways. Seriously, the word generation can mean anything you want it to mean. Look it up."<br /><br />MEPS 3000 is the culmination of thousands of hours of research and development from a crack team of experts. Says Mr. Beige, "We had to move nine brothers in from the bindery alone, just to write the algorithm for Daniel 12:12." According to Mr. Beige, the team's lack of a college education -- the most educated member the group had earned an Associate's Degree in Dental Hygiene -- was no obstacle to its success. "What's more important is that they had the spiritual qualifications," he said.<br /><br />The Watchtower Society will explain the computing system next year at its 2011 series of district conventions by means of a pre-recorded, full costume drama based on the story of Moses at Mt. Sinai. According to sources who remain anonymous on the grounds that everything that comes from the Society is anonymous, Moses will be voiced by some Jewish guy from Brooklyn, while former Governing Body member Dan Sydlick will return from his heavenly reward to play the role of Jehovah.<br /><br />MEPS 3000 will also assist the Writing Department with other routine duties, such as developing strategies to make Jehovah's Witnesses feel guilty for not doing more in the ministry (while at the same time avoiding coming off as an actual guilt trip). The above anonymous source has also revealed that MEPS 3000's Youth 2.0 software can even compose entire articles. Using advanced Mad Lib software, it can compose a 750-word article in under 12 minutes. Its debut feature? "Young People Ask: Are Women in Prison Videos for Me?"Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-72965977704626160892010-07-09T02:09:00.000-07:002018-04-16T15:13:37.753-07:00More Thoughts on Sex and Shame<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLdg7qSAVkGNTaO_nZxmj1vpySx8esnxLDhPcXCfPf7owvZsEtDMlfxeR6Yvpp6VmuFkAqBocRIygN6KmKpCk5_HNTbezc6E6Nbk5w-bHh_J0goItgaAcusJ8xd_95i-bNQTzhL6n3YMYV/s1600/lock+and+red+door+resized.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img alt="" border="0" height="427" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5492028372287548690" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgLdg7qSAVkGNTaO_nZxmj1vpySx8esnxLDhPcXCfPf7owvZsEtDMlfxeR6Yvpp6VmuFkAqBocRIygN6KmKpCk5_HNTbezc6E6Nbk5w-bHh_J0goItgaAcusJ8xd_95i-bNQTzhL6n3YMYV/s640/lock+and+red+door+resized.jpg" style="display: block; margin: 0px auto 10px; text-align: center;" width="640" /></a>
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With only slight exaggeration, Jehovah's Witnesses believe that pretty much all sex outside of the missionary position with one's heterosexual marriage mate is morally questionable, if not “gross sin.” With so many do's, dont's and suggestions (which aren't suggestions at all) in the way, the delirious, sloppy, ecstasy of sex is smothered under a wet blanket of shame. </div>
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Psychologically speaking, it's a return to the days of the whale-bone corset, minus the Victorian kinkiness. </div>
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Of course, Witness shame isn't limited to what happens in the bedroom, on the kitchen table or while driving a tractor. Members are made to feel inadequate and ashamed for not going out in service enough, for missing meetings, or for not studying their literature thoroughly. I knew people who hated giving talks and routinely “fell ill” on the night their assignment was due because resigning from the Theocratic Ministry School was not an option. Then there's the shame of success: among Witnesses it's considered poor taste to celebrate a job promotion or a raise in salary. If someone bucks the Governing Body's suggestions and enrolls in a university liberal arts program, it's best not to bring the matter up in large groups at all. Even the celebration of advancement and extra “privileges” in the congregation are best tempered by self-deprecating expressions of humility. Dismissing Jesus' parable of the Prodigal Son, congregations are strictly ordered not to clap when a disfellowshipped person's reinstatement is announced. It seems that shame has replaced joy as fruitage of the spirit. </div>
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But I digress. Let's get back to talking about sex, mmm?</div>
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Shame regarding our sex life can persist long after we've left The Organization. (See <a href="http://exjehovahswitnessportland.blogspot.com/2010/07/governing-body-coming-to-bedroom-near.html">last week's post</a>.)I've talked with several people who expressed fears about attending their first Meetup group for ex-Jehovah's Witnesses. They might have shown up at the cafe, but didn't go inside. Sometimes it was because they were gay or lesbian or simply enjoying hetero sex outside of marriage and they feared that they would be rejected or judged by the group. Sexual stigmas can be hard to shake. </div>
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If you identify with these feelings, I'd like to put your fears to rest. I've found the the ex-Witness community to be very kind and open to people of all backgrounds and lifestyles. Just about every ex-Jehovah's Witness I've met really lives by the principles of love and compassion. Having had enough of judgmentalism, they are amazingly open-hearted. So if you've hesitated before, you are warmly invited to come on in and see that the water's fine. </div>
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On the other hand, people sometimes do need help with sex-related issues. I personally don't believe you can become addicted to sex any more than you can become addicted to food. But problems do arise from time to time. Unhealthy sexual patterns can be exacerbated by overly controlling religious traditions. I've had to do some work in this area myself. By distancing myself from Witness dogma and getting the support I needed, I'm happy to say that I'm light-years away from where I was as a Jehovah's Witness. You don't have to be stuck in a repetitive loop, and there are more resources than ever that can help you enjoy your sexuality free from shame. </div>
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Resources for those with sexual struggles.</div>
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Psychotherapeutic counseling can be enormously helpful, but finding the right therapist can be a challenge, particularly if you're still trying to figure out how to integrate your sexuality with your spiritual values. If you live in the Portland-Vancouver area, you can do no better than to work with <a href="http://www.blogger.com/www.freefromcompulsion.com">Steven Donaldson, M.A.</a> He is a leading authority on sexual issues, particularly for men. For starters, you might want to check out the insightful series of articles on his website, where you can also contact him. </div>
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Donaldson is a partner at <a href="http://www.mosaiccounseling.com/">Mosaic Counseling</a>, whose therapists work under his and Leasia Becker-Cleary's supervision. There is a variety of men and women counselors to choose from, and they offer a sliding scale based on income. </div>
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12-Step groups can be another resource. Although I feel that they ultimately don't lead to a flourishing sex life, they do provide support and community as people deal with their struggles. Plus, there is no charge and, as Tom Peterson says, free is a very good price. <span style="font-size: 100%;">There are several programs to choose from: </span> </div>
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<li><span style="font-size: 100%;">Sexaholics Anonymous teaches that sobriety consists of no masturbation and that one can only have sex with one’s heterosexual mate. To find a meeting near you, visit </span><span style="color: rgb(0 , 0 , 128);"><span lang="zxx"><u><span style="font-size: 100%;">www.sa.org</span></u></span></span><span style="font-size: 100%;">.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 100%;">Sex Addicts Anonymous and Sexual Compulsives Anonymous maintain that anyone can write his or her own bottom-line definition of sexual sobriety, straight, gay or solo. Visit their websites at </span><span style="color: rgb(0 , 0 , 128);"><span lang="zxx"><u><span style="font-size: 100%;">www.saa.org</span></u></span></span><span style="font-size: 100%;"> and </span><span style="color: rgb(0 , 0 , 128);"><span lang="zxx"><u><span style="font-size: 100%;">www.sca-recovery.org</span></u></span></span><span style="font-size: 100%;">.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-size: 100%;">As its name implies, Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous can help, not only those with a compulsive need for sex, but those who are chronically preoccupied with romance, intrigue, or fantasy. Find them here: </span><span style="color: rgb(0 , 0 , 128);"><span lang="zxx"><u><span style="font-size: 100%;">www.slaafws.org</span></u></span></span><span style="font-size: 100%;">.</span></li>
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<span style="font-size: 100%;">Finally, while they don't necessarily offer recovery services and the family-oriented nature of these groups would probably make it inadvisable to speak frankly at their gatherings, you can still find support by making friends with other ex-Jehovah's Witnesses, such as those found on <a href="http://www.meetup.com/">meetup.com</a>. (To find one in your area, visit the website and do a search for ex-Jehovah's Witnesses in your city or state. If you're in the <a href="http://www.meetup.com/Portland-Ex-JW-Meetup-Group/">Portland area, go here</a>.)</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 100%;">While in the congregation we were taught to show love and compassion for ALL people. Almost all of the ex-Witnesses I know have really tried to integrate those principles into their life. If you need someone to talk to, or you just need a friend, get in touch!
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Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-5914573869146432132010-07-02T17:28:00.000-07:002010-07-05T13:58:23.008-07:00The Governing Body — Coming to a Bedroom Near You<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfuxz8huK8iPvBQaBiuRI9ZAfqnXoP3xjMBoMmXH9EdsHXKxlSXoRyhajIk7UCa1PLFYqC13BNflvbGE1GS-n-ad1vlmYOZKSKCpLy-mK5m0eSZe5CO5GTpgc9I6qUG70qaKdWeBto6CIe/s1600/Pants+down.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 267px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjfuxz8huK8iPvBQaBiuRI9ZAfqnXoP3xjMBoMmXH9EdsHXKxlSXoRyhajIk7UCa1PLFYqC13BNflvbGE1GS-n-ad1vlmYOZKSKCpLy-mK5m0eSZe5CO5GTpgc9I6qUG70qaKdWeBto6CIe/s400/Pants+down.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5489473217838838834" border="0" /></a>Posted by Joel Gunz<br /><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">When I served at Brooklyn Bethel back in the 1980s, Governing Body member George Gangas would frequently bemoan those who would “forfeit their hope of everlasting life for just 10 minutes of sexual pleasure.” He seemed to be mystified that anyone could make such a choice. And, perhaps, for that 90-year-old bachelor, it </span><span style="font-size:100%;"><i>was</i></span><span style="font-size:100%;"> a mystery. Still, in view of the fact that each year scores of thousands of Jehovah’s Witnesses are disfellowshipped, mostly for sexual “misconduct,” Gangas’ complaints raise an interesting question.</span></p><span style="font-size:100%;"><br />Is there a connection between one's efforts to sincerely adhere to Witness standards, while also struggling with sexual issues or compulsions?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"> </span><span style="font-size:100%;">Unless someone is hurt or victimized, I personally don't like to attach moral values to sex. But when members of a church "sign on" to a certain moral code and then violate it -- risking, if only in their minds, their spiritual well-being -- I, like Brother Gangas, have to ask, "Why?" </span><br /><span style="font-size:100%;"><br />I've got a few ideas here. They're works in progress and I'd be interested in hearing your feedback.<br /><br />An estimated 60,000 Jehovah's Witnesses are disfellowshipped each year, most frequently for “sexual immorality.” In addition, many thousands more, (I'd guess, easily another 60,000) are given private or public reproof, usually for the same reason. Finally, there are untold thousands of others whose "immoral" sexual activities are never brought to light.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><br />Like other fundamentalists, Jehovah's Witnesses are a randy bunch of Christians. As <a href="http://www.freeminds.org/organization/barbara-anderson">Barbara Anderson’s research</a> shows, sometimes it veers into the realm of crime.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><br />Many conservative or controlling Christian religious traditions grapple with their share of sex-related problems. Think of the scandals involving conservative Christian politicians and religious leaders whose sexual compulsivity has jeopardized their careers. 12-Step groups that treat sex addiction are reportedly filled with white conservative Christian males.</span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><br />Unless Jehovah’s Witnesses really are under some kind of umbrella of protection from Jehovah (and the disfellowshipping statistics don’t indicate it), I’d put non-Watchtower-approved sexual activity roughly on par with that of other conservative churches. And how are <span style="font-style: italic;">they</span> doing?</span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><br />Given most churches' emphasis on chastity and restraint, one would assume that porn use among Christians of various denominations would be significantly lower than that of non-believers. Curiously, the facts reveal just the opposite. A study published in the </span><span style="font-size:100%;"><i>Journal of Economic Perspectives, </i></span><span style="font-size:100%;">January, 2009, indicates that online porn subscriptions are actually “slightly more prevalent in states that have enacted conservative legislation on sexuality.”</span><span style="font-size:100%;"><br /><br />The study goes on to say:</span> <p style="margin-left: 0.63in; margin-right: 0.75in; margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"> “<span style="font-size:100%;">[Online porn] subscriptions are also more prevalent in states where surveys indicate conservative positions on religion, gender roles, and sexuality. In states where more people agree that “Even today miracles are performed by the power of God” and “I never doubt the existence of God,” there are more subscriptions to this service. Subscriptions are also more prevalent in states where more people agree that “I have old-fashioned values about family and marriage” and “AIDS might be God’s punishment for immoral sexual behavior.” </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">For most Witnesses, breaking the “faithful slave’s” rules about even “lesser” sins, such as use of pornography, brings on tremendous feelings of guilt — whether they confess it or not — along with the belief that they will lose God’s approval. Yet they do it anyway. Why? While the sex drive is powerful, I think there are other factors inherent in the Witness system that actually </span><span style="font-size:100%;"><i>promote</i></span><span style="font-size:100%;"> the kinds of behavior they try to discourage.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2; font-weight: bold;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Morality</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Let’s take a look at the Organization’s zero-tolerance attitude regarding morality. The Governing Body considers almost all sex behavior to be subject to judicial inquiry. Did you know that, for several years, oral sex within marriage was considered “</span><span style="font-size:100%;"><i>porneia</i></span><span style="font-size:100%;">” and thus grounds for disfellowshipping and divorce? Many found that directive hard to swallow. (Rim shot!) Thankfully, in 1983 “new light” reversed their position on that. But still, that’s the degree to which those men feel authorized to scrutinize congregation members’ private lives.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">On the face of it, that authority shouldn’t be a problem. The Bible’s guidelines are clear, and they do stress self-control (if that's your thing). What’s lacking from Jehovah’s Witnesses are other Bible-based principles that ought to come into play, such as respect for their fellows’ privacy, dignity and personal spiritual life. It’s an atmosphere in which an 15-year-old kid can get kicked to the curb for hanging out too long in the hot tub with his girlfriend and slipping into “10 minutes of pleasure.” I don’t think the apostle Paul had those kinds of situations in mind when he wrote about ‘removing the wicked man from among yourselves.’ — 1 Corinthians 5:13.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">At their meetings, when the elders aren’t pitching Generation 7.0, cajoling the publishers to go out in service more or discouraging them from getting a decent education, they’re telling members not to think about sex. And that makes about as much sense as telling a roomful of third-graders not to think about purple dinosaurs.</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Those who try — and ultimately fail — to comply with those rigorous expectations carry an enormous burden of shame. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b>Shame</b></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Watchtower leadership uses shame as a powerful tool to keep members compliant with their authority. The humiliation of public reproof and disfellowshipping is so intense that people will do almost anything to avoid those eventualities, even if it means lying. Numerous elders can share a story about some young sister who miraculously conceived a child while still a virgin.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">But the shame cycle begins long before a brother or sister commits some form of “gross wrongdoing.” One of the goofier rites of passage a young Witness brother must endure is the dreaded Theocratic Ministry School talk condemning masturbation. As the saying goes, any 17-year-old male who says that he doesn’t, er, Pat his Robertson is either dysfunctional or lying. True, it isn’t necessarily a judicial offense (though it can be if someone turns you in for defending the healthy, normal practice as, well, healthy and normal). Still, Watchtower literature describes masturbation as “degraded,” “unclean” and “childish.” Thus, it’s fairly safe to say that every time a young man is called up on stage to “scripturally” condemn this practice, a new hypocrite is made. While he and his friends may laugh about it at the time, giving such a talk to a mixed-gender crowd of all ages is mortifying and is often his first big taste of what it’s like to live in a shame-based religious system.</span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">When it comes to that which the Governing Body deems “works of the flesh,” Witnesses are left with three choices. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><i>You can do it and confess.</i></span><span style="font-size:100%;"> Of course, that means you’d also be choosing to undergo an inquisition-style grilling from a judicial committee that could lead to disfellowshipping. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Even if you aren't shunned, private reproof has a bitter downside. When a publisher is suddenly not commenting at meetings and a “needs of the congregation” talk is delivered explicitly discussing, let's say, adultery, it isn’t hard for congregation members to put two and two together – and if they can’t, the rumor mill will.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">On the other hand, you can </span><span style="font-size:100%;"><i>choose to have whatever sex you want and not tell anyone</i></span><span style="font-size:100%;">. Of course, you’ll have to carry the double guilt of sinning and covering it over with a lie, the outcome of which is the psychologically split, unsustainable position of leading a double life. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Finally, </span><span style="font-size:100%;"><i>you can remain celibate and have a clean conscience</i></span><span style="font-size:100%;">. In that case, you’d be trying to repress one of the most powerful forces in nature. The pain and conflict of such a choice is difficult for most to bear. Men and women who profess celibacy get kind of weird. Yes, Writing Department member Jon Wischuk, I’m talking to you.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">In my observation, many non-married – and some married – Witnesses (men, anyway) go ahead and live some sort of double life in which they live an active sexual life, but don’t tell. This means they’re having sex, either straight or gay; they’re seeking out trysts; they’re visiting prostitutes; etc. Most likely, they’re looking at porn — and that may be the best choice. After all, it’s quickly obtained, easily hidden and is less sinful than fornication. Viewed in that light, porn could be <span style="font-style: italic;">saving</span> the lives of thousands of Witness men. I’m only half joking here. After all, where would they turn to if they didn’t have it? </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">In any case, whether they sin and tell or just keep the sin to themselves, many, many Witnesses have been saddled with an enormous load of guilt and shame. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b>The shame-anger cycle</b></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Although Witnesses seem good-natured to those on the outside, most of us who have left them can testify to the anger and hostility that permeates the Organization. It usually isn't overtly expressed in raised voices or violence, but every time a Witness graphically describes a yearning for Armageddon's mass genocide, speaks contemptuously of "worldly people," or snubs a disfellowshipped person, he or she is betraying a deep well of hostility.</span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Most psychologists would agree that anger, in itself, is neither good nor bad. The Bible concurs. (“Be wrathful, but do not sin.”) But, in practice in the Witness community, anger is an unacceptable emotion, with anger against the Organization or Jehovah himself being completely forbidden. As ex-Jehovah's Witnesses, we probably know just how <a href="http://exjehovahswitnessportland.blogspot.com/2010/04/what-am-i-supposed-to-do-with-all-this.html">angry we are at our old religion</a>. The reality is, most Jehovah's Witnesses are pissed off at the Watchtower Society for its many failings, but are stuck with no one to talk to and nowhere to turn. These feelings can find a home in our libido. As psychologist Steven Donaldson has written, </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">“<span style="font-size:100%;">Just beneath the [sexually] addicted man’s conscious awareness lies a broiling pool of all-consuming rage.... He may not be all that aware of the anger or the object to which it ought to be directed — but that doesn’t make it any less real or present. The anger he <i>is</i> aware of may feel illegitimate, so he may attempt to repress it. Put simply, the sexually addicted man is literally phobic of his angry feelings, yet there they are, constantly demanding to be felt, to be vented.” </span></span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:100%;">Excuse my language, but that's why they call it fucking.</span></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"><span style="font-size:100%;">But for a Witness, such choices usually end up in feelings of shame. Donaldson continues,</span> “</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Sexual acting out provides both a discharge of the anger (“I deserve this pleasure!”) and punishment for what he feels are illegitimate wishes and longings (“I really am a screw-up!”). The acting out makes him feel shameful. The shame in turn allows him to continue to be compliant with people and systems that unconsciously he hates.”</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Sex is the ultimate act of self-acknowledgement. When a religion religion centers its life around the abnegation of self, is it any wonder that people turn to sex for relief? Afterward, however, shame may set in, causing the Witness to redouble his or her efforts to “squeeze in through the narrow door,” complying with Watchtower standards – which s/he actually hates, leafing once again, to the seeking of escape through sex. Thus the cycle takes root. As Donaldson concludes, “This cycle of compliance, repression, acting out and becoming shameful — followed by more compliance — becomes endless and exhausting. Thus trapped, how could hopelessness and depression </span><em><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">not</span></em><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> set in?” </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">That explains why the most vociferous moralists in the congregation are the ones most likely </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">leading a double life. They themselves are </span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);"> stuck in this cycle</span><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">Obviously, not everyone who feels angry toward his or her religion acts it out sexually, but many do, and this anger-shame cycle is often the form it takes. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;"><b>Secrecy, exclusivity and isolation<br /></b></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">I believe the Witnesses’ culture of secrecy is directly connected to the prevalence of illicit sexual behavior in their community. When you stop and think about it, Jehovah’s Witnesses are so secretive, conspiracy nuts could be forgiven for comparing them to the Masons. (I don't share that opinion, myself, but others do.) From the moment a newcomer is handed a special “study edition” of the Watchtower and asked to return it after the meeting, to the special “secret” books used by pioneers, elders, Bethelites and branch committee and Governing Body members, Witnesses are made to feel both included in one group, yet excluded from another seemingly more important one. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">And then there are the various meetings, such as elders’ meetings, judicial committee meetings, meetings for traveling overseers and Branch Committee members, Pioneer School, Kingdom Ministry school, Ministerial Training School and the famed, hush-hush Governing Body meeting, all of which are strictly closed-door and considered confidential. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Never mind that the content of these books and meetings is usually innocuous. It’s the sense of being initiated — but only to a limited degree — that matters. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Witness culture is a series of circles within circles, a world in which members feel simultaneously “in,” yet “out.” Put another way, it’s a pyramid scheme, with the Governing Body's all-seeing eye at the top.<br /></span></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">And it doesn’t stop there.<br /></span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">It isn’t enough to simply be a member of Jehovah’s Witnesses and put in your service time. Oh no. Men are expected to “reach out” for oversight privileges and women are expected to pioneer. If you are not doing those things, you haven’t made it to the next inner circle and you are viewed as less spiritual than those who have. While some make efforts to include others in their social life, pioneers tend to stick with pioneers, elders with elders, Bethelites with Bethelites and so on. That exclusivity devalues and isolates those who come to Kingdom Halls seeking spiritual community. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Most people engage in spiritual fellowship so they can belong somewhere. The need is especially strong for Jehovah’s Witnesses, who sacrifice their ties to all non-Witness family and friends when they join. But what happens after that? Once they’re in the congregation, the organization then pushes them away, leaving members with feelings of alienation and a sense that, in spite of their best efforts, they still do not quite fit in. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">And that relates to sex problems, how? Proverbs 18:1 is sometimes cited in order to condemn masturbation: "The one isolating himself will seek his own selfish longing." But what happens when a religious system isolates its own members?</span><br /></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;">As humans, we all crave a sense of belonging — without circumscriptions and head games. One way or another, we will find it. No wonder, then, that frustrated by the disconnect and exclusionism found in Witness congregations, some will seek connection by other means. That’s the human will for you. </p><span style="font-size:100%;"></span><p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Even such transitory pleasures as porn or a one-night stand validate the humanity of their participants. It makes them feel whole – if only for a moment. I’m reminded of Gerald, in D. H. Lawrence’s <span style="font-style: italic;">Women in Love</span> who, while mourning his deceased father, crept into his lover Gudrun’s bedroom and “into her he poured all his pent-up darkness and corrosive death, and he was whole again.” The Witnesses’ secretive, exclusionary culture creates a yawning void, made all the more painful because it represents a failure to live up to the promise of true brotherhood, rendering members desperate for a real connection, no matter how fleeting.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Note the feelings of many sex addicts, as described in Sexaholic Anonymous literature: </span> </p> <p style="margin-left: 0.63in; margin-right: 0.63in; margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"> “<span style="font-size:100%;">Many of us felt inadequate, unworthy, alone, and afraid. Our insides never matched what we saw on the outsides of others.... We came to feel disconnected—from parents, from peers, from ourselves.”</span></p> <p style="margin-left: 0.63in; margin-right: 0.63in; margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"> — <span style="font-size:100%;">From “The Problem,” published by Sexaholics Anonymous.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Pretty much sums up Witness life to me. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">If someone is already prone to such feelings, association with Jehovah’s Witnesses will only make it worse. How profoundly sad. For all the faults inherent in the Witness culture, its secretiveness might be the worst. It subverts the very idea of brotherhood, twisting it into an Orwellian nightmare that says, in effect, “Yes, we have Christian ‘oneness,’ but some of us are more ‘one’ than others.” Their secretiveness is a betrayal of trust, and it proves false their promise that to join the Witnesses is to enter a spiritual paradise. </span> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Throw in the guilt and shame of failing to live up the Watchtower doctrine's impossible standards, and it’s no surprise that many Witnesses feel dissatisfied, though they can’t quite put their finger on why. They feel betrayed, but they can’t point to their enemy. They feel angry, but they don’t know who to punch. The fact is, they hate the system itself. But they could never admit such a thing — not even to themselves. That would be apostasy. So they sublimate their hatred, disowning it.</span></p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in; widows: 2; orphans: 2;"><span style="font-size:100%;">Still, split off though it may be, their resentment at getting cheated in a spiritual bargain demands to be expressed, even if it means reaching for a token substitute for that which they hoped would make them whole. Sometimes they express their rage through sex.</span></p>Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-59279196273835125932010-06-04T10:36:00.000-07:002010-06-04T13:39:19.434-07:00Good bye, Ray Franz, 1922- 2010<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzjyORlkHRrZsVsS0B-s4ZVU2uc-fOst6EMwSEPKMnOSH27U63nVwf7aUVP-BGGB1EXFFqp7ZQOACm3iSobhQKn4sFcZxSK3XaJ6OHO_0m39zZ8SyMhoQqqRJUDEg5Tzb0d0-TpUA6ZmAd/s1600/RaymondFranz.gif"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 303px; height: 400px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgzjyORlkHRrZsVsS0B-s4ZVU2uc-fOst6EMwSEPKMnOSH27U63nVwf7aUVP-BGGB1EXFFqp7ZQOACm3iSobhQKn4sFcZxSK3XaJ6OHO_0m39zZ8SyMhoQqqRJUDEg5Tzb0d0-TpUA6ZmAd/s400/RaymondFranz.gif" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5478975108058348402" border="0" /></a>Posted by Joel Gunz<br /><br />Former Governing Body member Ray Franz's death yesterday marks, for me, the passing of an old guard of Jehovah's Witness leadership. It has been observed that, before his ouster, he, along with Dan Sydlik and Lyman Swingle could be counted on to bring a moderating voice to that group's decision-making process. Once upon a time, you could hold your own opinions about its teachings and remain a member of the congregation in good standing. To be sure, you couldn't actively promote your own ideas – that would be asking too much – but it wasn't the cardinal sin it is now to have them. That freedom was due in no small part to Brother Franz's influence (and he was a <span style="font-style: italic;">brother</span> if there ever was one).<br /><br />The capacity to think for yourself was once a valued quality; his was rewarded with a promotion to the Governing Body. In the wake of Nathan Knorr's grey flannel suit corporatizing of the Organization, he, along with his uncle Fred and others, celebrated the uniqueness of the individual. If at times he may have seemed too liberal, it was only to counterbalance other more conservative voices.<br /><br />His dismissal from Bethel and subsequent disfellowshipping in 1981 changed all that. Search the <span style="font-style: italic;">Watchtower Index</span> and you'll find that warnings against apostasy increased exponentially after that year. It's no exaggeration to say that the suppression of freedom of speech among the Witnesses now resembles that of the Communist-era Soviet Union. It would probably make even George Orwell do a spit-take. His demonization serves as a warning to any member who would speak up on behalf of the human spirit.<br /><br />Ray wasn't the first Governing Body member to leave under inauspicious circumstances, but he was the first to talk about how that hyper-secretive clique operates. Not surprisingly, he was hated for it. His exit from the Organization attracted more gossip and resentment from the headquarters staff than anyone's since the rift that occurred when “Judge” Rutherford took control of the Society following Charles T. Russell's death. I recall being present at a Witness gathering where Writing Department old timer Harry Peloyan regaled an awestruck group with his version of the events leading up to the apostate housecleaning at Bethel. We listened with the rapt attention of a boy scout troop telling ghost stories around the campfire.<br /><br />When I served at Brooklyn Bethel in the mid-1980s, there was still a cloud in the air from the witch hunt his ouster had provoked. Rumors abounded regarding his supposedly subversive activities. He was the poster child for the bad seed of apostasy. Still, he kept talking – and writing. I suspect that the rigors of missionary service in his early years toughened him to be able to take such a stand later on.<br /><br />In 2003 or so, I found myself outside the Organization and decided to catch up on some reading. Even though my faith in the Witnesses had been shattered, ordering his book <span style="font-style: italic;">Crisis of Conscience</span> still felt naughty, as if I were sneaking a peek at a <span style="font-style: italic;">Playboy</span> magazine in the garage. Of course, it was an eye-opener. Reading his description of how the Governing Body actually works both dismayed me and rang true. Contrary to what I'd been taught, Ray wasn't a crank with an axe to grind. He was simply a man with a story to tell. His writings manifest the restraint, objectivity and careful wording of a man anticipating brutal cross-examination.<br /><br />At its center, <span style="font-style: italic;">Crisis of Conscience</span> is the <span style="font-style: italic;">cri de coeur</span> of a man betrayed by an organization that he never ceased to love. Sensing that his time in this life was short (he was 80 years old when the book came out), here's what he said in its introduction:<br /><br />“What this book contains is written out of a sense of obligation to people whom I sincerely love. In all good conscience I can say that its aim is to help and not to hurt. If some of what is presented is painful to read, it was also painful to write. It is hoped that the reader will recognize that the search for truth need never be destructive of faith, that every effort to know and uphold truth will, instead, strengthen the basis for true faith.”<br /><br />In his way, Ray did more to help Jehovah's Witnesses than, perhaps, anyone. By resolutely sticking to his principles and sharing his experience, he has provided Jehovah's Witnesses and anyone considering joining – or leaving – them an authoritative alternative perspective on a religion that allows no room for second opinions. Thanks to him, many (myself included) have finally gotten straight answers to questions that bothered them for years. While the Witnesses may claim to be “in the truth,” it was Ray's mission to urge them to actively pursue it. By keeping his integrity and fearlessly standing up for the truth, he was a witness among Witnesses. I'm thankful for his courage to speak honestly, from a heart filled with love. He has inspired me to try to do the same.<br /><br />I never met Ray. I wish I had. For me, his death finalizes that missed opportunity and is a reminder to create such opportunities while I still can.<br /><br />R.I.P., Brother Franz.<br /><br /><object height="385" width="480"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/6c6I0fjiYNU&hl=en_US&fs=1&"><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/6c6I0fjiYNU&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" height="385" width="480"></embed></object>Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-20753651999880244432010-05-13T18:33:00.000-07:002010-06-04T13:29:35.351-07:00Sorry Seems to be the Hardest Word<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuA4v6d_KEA0u4Bkkkb12Uw-MhHej16iiFADZQ-weJVZchxdqN-C8GsHBROXZpnCLm4svRclnaxrjtTp1Yv2im8twwNhEr9PkeN7NvPnhHkxyX_SjOxzosEoHp1A_foogsoblYmVvw8eeg/s1600/confused+guy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 267px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhuA4v6d_KEA0u4Bkkkb12Uw-MhHej16iiFADZQ-weJVZchxdqN-C8GsHBROXZpnCLm4svRclnaxrjtTp1Yv2im8twwNhEr9PkeN7NvPnhHkxyX_SjOxzosEoHp1A_foogsoblYmVvw8eeg/s400/confused+guy.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5470943516740026434" border="0" /></a>Posted by Joel Gunz<br /><br />The foreword to the <i>New World Translation of the Holy Scriptures</i> makes a humble admission, saying:<p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">“It is a very responsible thing to translate the Holy Scriptures from their original languages of Hebrew, Aramaic and Greek into modern speech.… The translators of this work, who fear and love the Divine Author of the Holy Scriptures, feel toward Him a special responsibility to transmit his thoughts and declarations as accurately as possible. They also feel a responsibility toward the searching readers who depend upon a translation of the inspired Word of the Most High God for their everlasting salvation.”</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">That last bit about feeling responsibility to their readers is unusual, if not unique, in Watchtower literature. I like it. I only wish it was true.<br /></p><p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Throughout my life as a Jehovah's Witness, I never expected perfection from the Governing Body. For me, their claims to be both spirit-directed and imperfect were never contradictory. As the saying goes, everyone has a right to be wrong – and that goes for the leadership of the Watchtower Society, too. </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">When, over the years, they revised their doctrine regarding the 'generation of anointed ones in the last days,' it never bothered me that they'd (previously) gotten the idea wrong. I still believe that, to the best of their ability, they are trying hard to discern God's will. (We may have differing views on the nature of God and of Will, but no matter.) </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Nevertheless, if they feel “a responsibility toward the searching readers” who study their Bible, shouldn't they also feel responsible to them when they misinterpret those scriptures, leading to errors of judgment that later have to be revised? </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">For instance, for a few years it was a disfellowshipping offense to accept an organ transplant. After that position was reversed, didn't the Society owe an apology to those whose lives were horribly disrupted because they either (a) obeyed the rule and lost precious years of their life or (b) disobeyed and were punished by the congregation? The same can be said for the Society's shifting policies regarding the use of blood and of sex practices in the marriage. Thousands of people have been traumatized over rules that were later reversed. </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Maybe the biggest mistake the Society has made has been regarding its repeated misinterpretation of the words attributed to Jesus regarding “this generation.” Entire generations (<i>plural!</i>) of Witnesses have hung their hopes and planned their lives on the idea that the end of this system will unquestionably come in their lifetime. Like most Witnesses my age, I fully believed that <i>I would never die </i>(assuming I could keep those non-Watchtower-approved thoughts out of my head). </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The Governing Body was wrong, and they've since recalibrated their understanding of Jesus' prophecy. And what do those whose lives were deeply affected by their misunderstanding of the Bible get? A sales pitch about the beauty of refined, more "accurate" knowledge, no grumbling allowed. </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">If I, as a father, had taken my family on a road trip and made a wrong turn that got us late to our destination, I would understand my family's disappointment. I hope that I would admit my mistake and apologize for the inconvenience.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;"> </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">But that isn't the Watchtower Society's way. </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">My oldest sister was told that the end would come before she graduated from high school. That deadline came and went in 1979. I was told that if I confessed my sins, “seasons of refreshing” would rain down upon me. Instead, I was stigmatized for what, in retrospect, was simply an admission to being human. I was convinced that I was a member of a loving brotherhood, but came to see that, aside from a few good friends and friendly acquaintances, that love was not directed at me as a person, but at my performance as a Witness. It turned out that my value as an individual was barely worth the postage stamp it took to send my disfellowshipping report to Brooklyn. </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">I forgive all of that. I really do. I can even forgive them for the fact that some of their leaders have engaged in child abuse. The way I see it, with hundreds of thousands of elders running around shepherding the flock, there are bound to be a few bad apples. Jehovah's Witnessism is a human institution. If I can still support and participate in government that sends its youth into wars for bogus reasons, I can give the Watchtower Society a pass for its boneheadedness. So it has my forgiveness. </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">But it does not have my trust.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">In 1998, the March 1 <i>Watchtower</i> featured a series of articles about the apologies various churches have issued for crimes they've committed over the centuries, such as the Catholicism's collusion with the Nazi regime. The magazine found fault with those apologies, insinuating that they were made with ulterior motives, alleging, for example, that the Catholic Church “seems more concerned with making peace with the world than with God.” Perhaps. </p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">Still, that would have been a golden opportunity for the <i>Watchtower</i> to cite examples from its own history of contriteness and confession. But it has none to share. Instead, the article lunges straight for the moral high ground, wrapping up its criticisms with an invitation for readers to bring Jehovah's Witnesses into their home to see “who today is really trying to follow God’s Word rather than seeking to preserve a position of influence in the world.” Self-righteousness has always left a bad taste in my mouth. This time it tastes like bile.</p> <p style="margin-bottom: 0in;">The <i>Watchtower</i> and <i>Awake!</i> have numerous articles encouraging members to confess their sins and admit their faults. They make good reading. They extol humility as a Christian requirement. True, dat. However, as a result of such counsel, many Witnesses go through their life baring their secrets to the elders and coping with feelings of worthlessness. Meanwhile, the Governing Body turns a blind eye to its own sins and the hardship it has imposed on its members due to its theological shell games. Those men are just as the ones described at Matthew 23:4: “They bind up heavy loads and put them upon the shoulders of men, but they themselves are not willing to budge them with their finger.” Because the Governing Body says, in effect, “I have not sinned,” its sin remains. </p>Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8467637497650166727.post-30254550414523268002010-05-10T10:05:00.000-07:002010-06-04T13:29:57.479-07:00Ex-JWs in PDX now on Facebook!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_rysLyyrad47-bfXL0X391NmPEOkaMWP0jhZKkSLIfib-p9nhScgPvwZWbGEsaGfUfxUYE2I9mCAj5t5RAPu8Opp54zrgu_V1lD1bjAFJR1EhnRww2IA6O298-wlv-WUohh53FeWODD8J/s1600/Made+in+Oregon+Sign+2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer; width: 400px; height: 314px;" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh_rysLyyrad47-bfXL0X391NmPEOkaMWP0jhZKkSLIfib-p9nhScgPvwZWbGEsaGfUfxUYE2I9mCAj5t5RAPu8Opp54zrgu_V1lD1bjAFJR1EhnRww2IA6O298-wlv-WUohh53FeWODD8J/s400/Made+in+Oregon+Sign+2.jpg" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5469695667988818418" border="0" /></a>Posted by Joel Gunz<br /><br />Are you looking to connect to other ex-Jehovah's Witnesses in the Portland, Oregon area? You've now got two ways to do so. You can meet in person via our local <a href="http://www.meetup.com/Portland-Ex-JW-Meetup-Group/">Meetup group</a>. And now you connect get in touch via <a href="http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?topic=60&post=252&uid=126275594052855#%21/group.php?gid=126275594052855&v=info">Facebook</a>! If you want to get super-fancy, add links and bling to your own blogs and social media. If you haven't joined the party yet, now's the time. (*Cough cough.*)<br /><br />To add some flare to your blog or website and promote the Meetup and Facebook sites, you can paste some html code into your site. Email me and I'll send you the code.<br /><br />Thanks be to <a href="http://www.facebook.com/topic.php?topic=60&post=252&uid=126275594052855#%21/oliver.gifford?ref=search&sid=748129117.2758911481..1">Oliver Gifford</a> for putting all this together and keeping it running. Praise Ollie!Joel Gunzhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02597499250122165168noreply@blogger.com0